wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

these are unproductive thoughts; but i don't want to fall into the trap of toxic productivity

maybe all i really want is to be a wolf wandering the world with my pack for company and without the need or ability to use language with them

why did i get less than the amount i was supposed to from my insurance this month is it because i did a reversible stupid or an irreversible stupid?

also i think israeli sign and american sign might be related because the letters match up really well

not me learning american sign language basics so i could hopefully communicate with at least *some* people next time i go nonverbal

*california dreamin' by the mamas and the papas playing on loop*

wanted to sleep in but i guess waking up from a phone call from an israeli number that hangs up on me once i answer is the best i can get

whatever it is, i can't

i just can't

i can't

next time at starbucks i'm gonna order my drink with twelve pumps of high fructose corn syrup

i will never be any of the things i want to be but i can't just decide to want other things

אל תאמר לכשאפנה אשנה, שמא לא תפנה

do not say "when i have the time i will study", for you may never find the time

i wish i wasn't this broken

basically i think grindr brings out the worst in everyone, including me, and especially me

couldn't decide what to write in this post; maybe the cw itself is descriptive enough by now

i saw an artists sketchbook at the convention and decided not to commission anything even though i liked their style, and i forgot to take a business card,, but then later i suddenly had an idea for an nsfw drawing and now i can't get that out of my head oops

but anyway my point is i think at my most intimate i'm mostly nonverbal. probably also one of the reasons i: 1. love dogs, and 2. am a dog

phrasing it this ways also makes me wonder if i'm plural, but i think that's just a byproduct of language; this, i think?, feels like verbal or no, i'm pretty much the same? idk. wish i could talk about this stuff with a therapist who would take it seriously

hmmm maybe my "i don't like talking and being talked to during sex" thing and my "most peoples voices/accents are turn offs" thing are actually a manifestation(??) of my nonverbal side(???)