Xurnami, Hyena-dragon @xurnami@awoo.space
Transformative Experience Designer. I make monsters (the fun kind) & code (the functional kind). @ me with TF.
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pronouns: she/her
gender: 🍈🍈🍆
website: http://xurnami.com/contact
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Joined May 2017
lonely with radioactive negative feels.
@Ulfra_Wolfe@witches.town Thank you, but like the other person who responded, I don't even know if I know you. Thank you again though.
lonely with radioactive negative feels.
Finally, it just feels like I have no close friends. Those who I am somewhat close to seem to be on completely different schedules and such from me to the point where it is like they don't exist at all.
Mastodon is the LJ replacement that people I know are actually using. I've missed having a place like that where you can post feels in a safeish way.
lonely with radioactive negative feels.
@Angle@witches.town Thank you, but I don't even know if I know who you are. But thank you.
lonely with radioactive negative feels.
Most of the people I know who live in the area live in group houses which encourage those social needs. I can't do that sort of group house myself, I know that. But I also just ache so much from how lonely I feel every fucking day.
lonely with radioactive negative feels.
I was wondering if my aching loneliness was being without a job. Been at the new job for 2 weeks and still aching.
I'm on 5 slacks, 7 discords, 3 telegram chats, 4 IRC servers, 4 MUCKs, and I'm here and where is everyone talking? Twitter. The fucking cesspool that is reminding me of the awful situation we are in right now.
My roommate feels similar but doesn't have the in person or online structures I do and so leaving her makes me feel worse.
Headed down to San Francisco to get oriented in my new job. Will return to Seattle after to work in the company's Seattle office.
As my job gets closer to really starting the more stressed I’m becoming.
Xurnami, Hyena-dragon
boosted
if a hyenafolk warrior's spear breaks, is that a gnoll pointer exception
Financial Privilege under Late Capitalism
I was listening to the episode with Colin Spacetwinks of Woodland Secrets (http://woodlandsecrets.co/episode/52). One thing that was mentioned is that under late capitalism, no one has a stable job anymore so they are allowed to fly the freak flag high because what is going to happen, be fired?
This is something I just realized is a huge source of stress for me. I act like I can fly it high but worried about losing the privilege to support others.
@egypturnash I went to Vegas with Krinn once for a Magic the Gathering tournament and Krinn somehow found the most San Francisco organic food place that existed there. I was most amazed by the finding of the place compared to the rest of Vegas.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion/Drugs
Roommate came home and we discussed wrassle for a bit which was good and helped me calm down some. Also made plans to help some people too hopefully.
Going to get a vape pen under the advice of some other people today.
Oh, and my grandmother just emailed me that I need to contact my family to "heal our broken family" and a forward about Jesus. Fuck my family and what they did to me.
@kauko I know the feeling.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion
@KoBunny I've been doing that to weekly at some points too. I slowed down to monthly because I felt I didn't have anything to talk about. Need to start new job fully to see what and if they cover her.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion/Drugs
And then the anhedonia is so very strong. Nothing I do seems to give me any level of enjoyment anymore, being around people, being not around people, typefucking, watching videos, trying to program, trying to make music, absolutely anything.
Some have suggested marijuana to help with that but I have never been able to get high at home when I need it the most. The other reason for going of SSRIs was for a chance at other things like MDMA.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion
During my time off I spent time trying out different things, especially a few days on music production which has always fascinated me.
But I have that mental thing where I spent so much time being praised by parents and everything has come so easy to me that any difficulty feels like an un-scalable wall.
So instead I keep doing the stuff I've been doing. Since it is easier to just stay there forever.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion
Mastodon has become my venting site because the people who have come here I trust more about all of this sort of stuff around mental health.
I talk to my therapist once a month and I feel fine there but then I have nights like this where I just completely fall apart.
I have to leave my chosen family for a week next week too and I'm dreading that.
Depression/Anxiety/Libido/Introversion
I had a month off between jobs that I feel like I utterly wasted.
I have gone off my SSRI in an attempt to get my libido back and have just become more emotional which is both good and a bad thing. This all might be an anxiety attack because of being reminded of bad things.
In this time off, I have felt so isolated. Everyone who I care about is so busy with their existing stuff and there is no space for me.
And my privilege makes me feel worse.
@typhlosion Heh, I'm genenerally thinking of doing things a little bit less linenoisey
Transformative Experience Designer. I make monsters (the fun kind) & code (the functional kind). @ me with TF.
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pronouns: she/her
gender: 🍈🍈🍆
website: http://xurnami.com/contact
---
Joined May 2017
