Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

These guys have been flyering up and down our street. They're such bros, Anthy won't even let me link to their website, but you're really only missing a lot of pictures of buzzcut guys in ballcaps crouching and smoking.

Below is their "manifesto," and it's so pure and naïve I want to capture one of them and feed him carrots through the bars of a pet carrier.

"Clearly the rational solution here is to hide your shoes in the closet and poop in them."

#moodsnapshot #peridot #crystalgems #honorarymooncat

I mean, doesn't this Grabovoi guy just look like a beacon of joyful light, and totally not a GRU agent about to give you a polonium swirlie?

And then we get into the REALLY good stuff...

Mr. Grabovoi, I don't care HOW good your system is. I am NOT getting my kidneys reversed! Once was enough!

The Redditor who posted this said it was supposed to brighten our days, but I'm scared shitless the canids got this far ahead of us on the napping techtree. You're running around barking all damn day, where do you dog people find time to learn those sick moves?!?

Lay off the poor beavers, will ya? GEEZ! You're a creep! Go away! We were having a good time until you showed up! OOOOH! Go have some coffee with cream or something, because I'll tell you something! This is a happy place!

"You're watching Martian Telewave Four. Tonight on 'Hey, They're Gonna Eat That Guy,' our two-cat panel will be..."

Spent the afternoon napping next to one of the four big stone lions at NOLA's City Park, absorbing some much needed Big Cat Energy and picking up Artificial Cat tips from a seasoned expert.

He's a good guy. I think when we're settled down here, I'mma bring some fabulous metallic paints and do his nails. <3

In case you're a local... it's the one on the far right. This guy. Didn't get his name, I think there were some dialect issues.

I have been trying to cut back on making y'all look at my Reddit carrion, but I was just too proud of this one. 🐯​

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PEGGY, AFTER PREVIOUS EXCHANGE: "Come on, you gotta get your hands up! Get ready for some throws! It's what we're all here for! It's fun!"

ME, AFTER BEING BEANED IN THE HEAD *TWICE* BY THESE FUCKING SWAMP MANIACS HURLING THINGS INTO THE CROWD:

PEGGY, A NATIVE: "It's Mardi Gras! You've got to try to catch some throws from the parade floats! Get you some beads and stuff! Get into the spirit!"

ME, A MIDWESTERNER:

#moodsnapshot

I'm not ill. I'm not lost. I'm not failing. I'm supposed to be like this, I'm dealing, and I'm exactly the way I want to be right now.

(Well, actually I'm freaking out over last-minute NOLA travel logistics because we forgot to rent a car, but you know what I mean. Relative to the Discourse I'm fine thanks. :) )

"Your Honor, let the record show that I did not stab the defendant until I got to the word 'aesthetic.'"

#ShutTheFuckUpAndEat
#YouEntitledYuppieClumpOfBiomass

I knew the moment I saw this that the son of a bitch would be from California.

Granted, I had already seen him two-star a local sushi bar for letting their roll of plastic wrap be (gasp!) out in plain sight, so I was kind of cheating...

Honestly? I'm a terrible, prejudiced person but I'm kind of glad I'm going to end up in NOLA instead of Los Angeles. I... I don't know what this guy is, but I don't want it.

Oh, dear. I haven't had an image poke at _those_ parts of my imagination in quite a while.

Okay, I'd like to be seven of this at once, in assorted rainbow colors and genders/bulge-profiles, please.

listen i'm meeting you fuckers halfway here

you can not possibly expect me to climb _all_ the way out of bed​ unassisted 😾​​

#she_chonk
#she_fights
#she_bites
#butmostimportantly
#she_nap_all_nites

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