Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Further proof I'm either not in the right universe or our causality's broken down:

I couldn't find any good lightbulb jokes about Texans. I did a good 10 minutes of web research. I actually read Yahoo Answers. I went through the Canonical Collection of Lightbulb Jokes, and... I mean... it's *canonical*!

I have never come so close to believing in the Mandela Effect. Peggy had a suggestion involving undocumented labor, but I think it needs a little workshopping. :p

@mawr I did, to my shame, have to refresh my memory of what an API is, so yeah, it's really that bad. (grin) 🐯​

@mawr Oh, I was mostly just goofing around! ^__^ I really wasn't sure if I'd understood it right, though, so thanks for the clarification! <3

Yay, got my insurance member ID, from an egregriously friendly CSR with a cute Southern accent! Now I should presumably be able to just go online, pay my freakin' premiums, and start getting the ball rolling on my optical care.

So to speak.

@mawr "Dear gods, Mawr, you're not saying it's... Moriarty?"

#tigersdontunderstandwebtechnology 🐯​

This is my favorite phone prank of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs-Csqy7AkM

I have a weird relationship with phone pranks. Most are mean-spirited and put me off. But I really like some of the smarter prank artists who don't just set out to annoy their targets, but to create a surreal alternate world for them and play on their willingness to believe totally absurd, implausible things under a little social pressure. Like Bette Midler. As. The Ringmaster.

@JulieSqveakaroo Either/or, really, but I was leaning towards the former one...

@Oneironott Ooh, where at?

@Oneironott I envied the hell out of you for about 30 seconds and then I remembered I live a 5 minute walk from Xi'an Noodles. :D

You know what would really improve my mood this evening? Either a mind-control helmet and/or a Princess Crown.

Amy is my short-duration personal savior. The kids are alright.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FickQdRT54

@Leucrotta @chimerror Poor Ed. All he wanted to do was boot people in the head. :(

@starkatt (Plus, Hobbes has always been a personal hero of mine... Getting bait-trapped by a tuna fish sandwich sounds a lot like something that could happen to me in RL. I'm kind of stupid that way.)

@starkatt "Being a Martian tigress means never having to say 'I'm sorry. Was that YOUR head?'"

More seriously, the Tigress started out as a way to feel big & unassailable in scary crowds of noisy, conventionally masculine types.

Then it kinda evolved into a way to channel my twitchy, temperamental personality into cartoonish things nobody could take seriously. Why bother arguing when you can just go "rawr", make laughably unscary claws at the target of your ire, and both go about your day?

And this time I won't spend a whole month letting an inept PCP fuck my referral over before I go in to see somebody. Even after that, they undid a lot of the damage in my right eye, and now I can at least see 20/50 out of it-- and don't have double vision anymore...

Okay, I've spent some time looking good and hard at the worst-case scenarios, and there's a way past all of them. I'll be okay. Just wish my brain's alert panel understood this fact. :p

You know, really... my eyes are in LESS danger than they were two days ago. I'm in the exact same situation I was in before: there's a genetic Sword of Damocles dangling over me, and on any given day I could develop a little pinprick of light that won't go away, and it'll start growing bigger and bigger.

That was always true. Now I just know for sure that the sword is still there. In retrospect... I had no real reason to believe it had ever gone.

@chimerror Surreal pynchonesque letters of complaint to the people who make Oreos? :D

Or, more seriously, find some good old web games on kongregate.com or somewhere similar and see if you can get 'em working? ^___^ I've been doing that recently and having a surprising amount of fun!

@LeDiva Me too!

@chimerror Write surreal, rambling, Pynchonesque letters of complaint to random members of the T***p administration? :D

I REALLY like the fact that Janet starts the series as basically a service droid and is being set up as their Badass Warrior Transcenda instead...

You know, my catdroid-implantee Hladolet had already kind of taken Janet on as a role model. This gets me thinking about how I could reboot her, so to speak, as someone a bit less problematic...