Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

*cut to an image of a perfectly androgynous raccoon with slim metal deelyboppers and plasticky #FF0000 fur*

"Hello. My name is Dr. Jennifer James Kirsch, director of the Scott Aukerman Memorial Institute For Pataphysical Medicine."

"Just thirty years ago, Tommy Westphall Syndrome was incurable. Thousands of canons were lost to Westphall. These innocent worlds were doomed to an eternity in the negative white-static fogs of the Subrandom Dimension of Gnerust. Many a sitcom knew what it was to roast in the depths of a metavore, I can tell you."

"But thanks to your generous donations, Westphall Syndome CAN be treated."

*holds up a syringe full a liquid that looks remarkably like the weird bubbly shit from the intro of MTV's Liquid Television*

"This simple substance-- made from equal parts Ubik*, reruns of "No Soap, Radio," and TVNA harvested from the nasal hairs of Danny "Abed" Pudi-- restores existential stasis in 95% of realities treated."

"But we're still working on a cure. We need your help. Write the magic word 'vibescu,' 'nogarelmo,' or 'resilono' on a 3"x5" postcard, lick the ink until it's completely illegible, and send it to:

The Snowglobe Society
c/o Electric Brain of Leonard Nimoy
PO Box y(t)+A(y)(y[x])^2
D'Aubainne International Airport
The Edge, Al Amarja
Earth-21

Thank you for your support, and... let's Keep It Real, everybody.

* Ubik is a registered trademark of Glen and Ella Runciter

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

@mona@cybre.space Man, it just gets worse and worse. The whole Universe Universe is positively riddled with Dragonball TVNA codons. I'm glad we caught this while there's still hope. :O

@mona@cybre.space (For that matter, gods only fucking knows what kind of metaphysical disease Uncle Grandpa is carrying -- goatmom doesn't need that shit -__~ )

@mona@cybre.space @kara@witchcraft.cafe

ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

I was catastrophically wrong. For the good of the multiverse, I must counsel against. It's just too risky.

https://comicbook.com/anime/2018/07/01/my-hero-academia-steven-universe-cameo-issue-8-comics/

@mona@cybre.space @kara@witchcraft.cafe Hmm. I'll look into it for her. I _think_ Steven Universe remains Pure and Untainted except for some mild Gravity Falls cross-contamination.

DAYDREAMERS REMEMBER:

1. KEEP YOUR PARACOSMS SEPARATE.

2. USE CROSSOVERS SPARINGLY.

3. CHECK ALL CHARACTERS MONTHLY FOR METAPHYSICAL ANOMALIES.

4. DON'T NUMBER YOUR PARALLELS. ONE EARTH IS PLENTY.

5. IF YOUR HEADCHILDREN WANT TO PLAY WITH RICHARD BELZER, JUST SAY NO!

ONLY YOU(S) CAN PREVENT THE SPREAD OF TOMMY WESTPHALL SYNDROME.

https://thetommywestphall.wordpress.com/about/

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

I wonder if there are enough films out there to compose a "transcendent horror" subgenre? Stuff like Beyond the Black Rainbow, Phase IV, Martyrs, and Jissatsu Sākuru-- psych horror where the protagonists are put through absolute hell, but it all turns out to be in the service of their enlightenment. Films with cosmic "horrors" that are terrifyingly alien but not necessarily *evil*-- just totally corrosive to normal humanity.

Honestly, I'm a fucked-up enough individual that if I had to pick a "native genre" to live in for the rest of my life... that might be the one. I've always kinda wanted to be a space monster at heart.

@zx3 @LeDiva I've read the full summary of Mandy and seen a tiny bit of it-- and I was totally down until the cheddar goblins, but now I'm just really confused. :>

Incidentally, you have no idea how much I pride myself on being a source of bizarre, obscure media for you all. I hope you are enjoying at least some of the weird things that I post here-- especially 'cause I'm not real likely to stop. :>

If there's ever something specific you're looking for, even if you only remember a fragment of it... hit me up. Like any part-time changeling, I REALLY enjoy digging around in people's lost memories. >:D

@zx3 @LeDiva See last toot, too, the "pfaf horror" one -- I think you will enjoy this in particular, Zed!

People talking about Beyond the Black Rainbow and Mandy inspired me to dig up this outtake from the Saul Bass film Phase IV, about a sapient hivemind of ants dominating humanity and, apparently, inviting them to some kind of bizarre invasive transcendence.

This lost ending is psychedelic, squicky, and gorgeously composed. I think I understand Panos Cosmatos (and a bunch of other horror directors) a little better now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beLpsWaUDNk

@zx3 @LeDiva Nic is AMAZING at grinding that rail between pathos and bathos, isn't he.

@LeDiva *watches trailer; confirms suspicion this is by the Beyond the Black Rainbow guy*

*intrigued shudder*

@imetagon@dragon.style *ponders the video for a moment*

Yes.

Also, I've been watching collections of Peter Serafinowicz's fake ads, and I am really looking forward to calling hummus "garlic pudding" for the rest of my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtF3_ybJJ50

potential cw if you're feeling VERY sensitive to fat shaming today -- it's pretty mild imo; the humor value of all this for me is in the litany of bizarre foods

also, i could murder a pile of discount foie gras right now, even though I'm pretty sure it's just spam

Just... listen, bodies are fragile and they break down for bizarre counterintuitive reasons. I love you all, so please please please don't do stupid shit with your body.

Also, um... don't strain yourself too hard when you take a poop. I'm actually fucking serious about this. It's apparently a real good way to pop a cerebral blood vessel. Just put down the Doritos and eat some goddamn fiber instead.

You know, it probably should have dawned on me that someone with a history of hypochondria shouldn't watch videos about massive organ failure BEFORE binging Chubbyemu's entire channel. :)

It was actually kinda cathartic, though. I _didn't_ actually go to that place at all, actually-- it's pretty easy to convince yourself you don't have, say, massive cirrhosis, or have somehow accidentally eaten a handful of Tide Pods without noticing. :p

Chubbyemu's videos are really good. DON'T GO. :O

@Leucrotta

*very PJ Soles voice*

I just love the way Joey slithers crumpets into his mouth! It's so dreamy!

@hummingrain Am I a terrible person for wanting to smack your boss around a little, Italian style? Or let someone from OSHA do it for me? Arbitrary firings piss me off; blowing off safety considerations and risking worker injury REALLY pisses me off. I hate to say "name and shame," but... it would be nice to know who to trip onto the concrete if I see 'em walking down the street.

>____<

@Phorm But the only Jones café is on the first floor! Looks like we're going to have to jump...

(I mean, I assume it's OK if I put on my cool shades and join you? I could really use a PSJ right now...)