Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

On the other hand, my parents have been teasing each other for ten minutes. Stepdad asked her to pick a number between 1 and 5, in the midst of a whole different play-argument, and it turned out to be 7. (It was funnier in context. :p It's exactly my stepdad's sense of humor.)

It was just nice to be reminded that I was essentially raised in a domestic sitcom, and that's one of the reasons I get along so well with @anthracite. It's a different sitcom in NOLA, one of those hip postmodern ones with the hand-held cam, but... this is all native territory for me. I honestly don't know what I'd do in a household with serious people.

Every time my parents have the gall to light up a goddamn cigarette, in the light of what's happening to my stepbrother and the fact my stepdad's ALREADY a cancer survivor, I... honestly... I get mad, but I also feel a tiny little burden lifted off my shoulders.

Because it reminds me this is their fucking decision, and it reminds me Ohio ain't my circus, ain't my monkeys, and ain't my fault as it all falls apart. They didn't embrace this fate, exactly, but they sure as hell didn't run from it.

I will still support them until the day I lose them, and do everything I can in my limited powers. I will play dutiful child and they will never know how angry some of their decisions make me after all we've been though. It's their decision to make and I still love them.

But now I know I don't have to strain myself, or try to do anything heroic. Because they're not. And if I ever decide I want to go back to living in a way that's gonna slowly kill me... the only thing really in the way is Peggy.

And I am sure as fuck gonna reward her for standing firmly in the way of that, by making it through this stupid-ass world as long as I possibly can for her... Some part of me would rather be scarfing down donuts and cheeseburgers like there's no tomorrow (because maybe there isn't), but...

I always kinda wanted to try the straight and narrow, anyhow, just to see if it would actually work. My personal gods have been hounding me about it for DECADES, and I swore I'd stop running someday and give in. And you know, it kinda isn't so bad at all, actually getting up in the mornings and acting like I give a shit about myself. (Actually, I only really give a shit about her for the most part, but that's a damn good substitute.) And I'm so grateful to her for finally cornering me and giving me a reason to give it a real try.

@Phorm She just looks so happy to be getting progged! The one change I'm half-tempted to make is having them exchange the standard bondage implements for a bunch of Cat 5 cable she's gone and gotten herself tangled up in, yarn-like. =^_____^=

Dad's... Dad's gotten all weird.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFxcLvSjw7w

Seriously, "Dad" is evolving into one of the most intriguing ARGs since "This House Has People In It," not to mention one of the best examples of putting Internet viral-marketing to good, honest use I've ever seen. Admittedly, the linked video probably doesn't make sense outside the whole "Dad Canon," but... it's shifting from a light parody of a Wacky Internet Dad to a rich story of alienation, emotional manipulation, and loss. I'll bet it's heading for a happy ending, though.

This guy is a marketing genius, but I've NEVER felt like I wasn't getting my ad-views' worth out of Dad. It's like that whole Poppy thing, only... painfully sincere and actually going somewhere. You'd better believe I've been taking frantic notes about what I can learn for Parallax advertising.

Dang, they're quick! Approved the pose and sketch today. Heehee, this is gonna be a fun one. Doesn't really capture the "spooky" part, so I might get another one done that does, but... she looks like she's having a great time getting her wetware updates, and I kinda envy her. ^___^

(Cripes, I gotta see if I can score some weed in NOLA and replicate the circumstances that originally led to her creation. n.n;; )

Oh, and I probably never have to deal with Seattle's rainy depressing freezing shitshow of a winter ever again, so good luck you adorable suckers. 😼😽❤️​​​

If you ever need a break from it, COME VISIT US IN THE FIRE SWAMP. <3 We've been living quite comfortably here for some time. We got pastries, we got fried shrimp, we've got the most beautiful city park you've ever seen, we've got ACTUAL COLORS ON BUILDINGS AND THINGS because that's legal here, and most importantly... we got Kitties Of Unusual Size.

@anthracite Also, WE ARE AT LEAST GONNA SHOW HER "THE KIDS" AND SWAP NOTES/BUSINESS CARDS WITH HER, RITE?!?!?!

@anthracite Izziss the one with the funky name that turned out to have the game playtest nights and the EMPHATIC pro-LGBT policy? ^____^

I can usually gauge my general mood by whether reading about happy polycules and psychedelic frolicks in Seattle makes me curl up in a little ball of self-hate and makes me feel like an exile... or makes me feel like a proud auntie for showing the next gen the way.

It's definitely the second one today, and it has been more and more lately, so... I dunno, maybe this is that "aging gracefully" I've heard so much about. And I get the rare and incomparable privileges of:
(a) near-zero personal drama
(b) magical lizard lady petting
(c) hard-won emotional stability under all the well-earned scarring
(d) that noise magical lizard ladies make when you pet them
(e) the trove of art treasurs that certain species of dragon spoor out when they're well enough petted
(f) my beautiful tribe of imaginary enby space heroes.

God, watching how things are in Ohio for some people... how people live in the parts of the country that just plain got left the fuck behind, and how screwed my old acquaintances who walked the straight-and-narrow got... made me realize how good I have it.

I'm grateful. And I'm delighted someone's carrying on the torch, because honestly, I was getting too old for that shit anyhow. =^__^=

Had some angry, angry dreams. Was with a bunch of friends in dream-Seattle and what could have been a very, very simple boardgame setup degenerated into an out-stubborning match.

I tried to break it up, but it just turned it into a shouting match, and everybody forgot about the original argument and just started blaming me.

So I ran away and said I wouldn't be coming back until everybody else was gone. And then I realized I had nowhere at all else to go. So I just sort of sat around outside seething, until one of them noticed me and decided to humiliate me with far, far more "helpful" attention than I clearly wanted.

Nope, not metaphorical for any unprocessed, unresolved traumatic experiences of the last several years at all, why do you ask?

I mean, I think I needed a good solid vent dream after all the pent-up anger at my stepsister—and the foolishness of having read uspol news.

But it's never, ever going to go away, is it. Even with them gone for good, there's never going to be any closure. It's like they won forever. And fucking idiot that I am, I'd *still* try to patch things up if there were any goddamn point in trying, or any way to do it without it becoming someone's denunciation session.

"Ooh, it comes in Arterial Spray Red!" =^___^=

I think I'd rather have one titled "HYOOMAN GUYS WHAT 🐯​HAVE EATEN," though. (It's a Martian literary reference. You philistines.)

https://www.amazon.com/Notebooks-Violent-Little-Machine-Shop/dp/B07817K6WW/ref=as_li_ss_tl?keywords=unlined+casebound&qid=1564271648&s=gateway&sr=8-7&linkCode=sl1&tag=bngbng-20&linkId=a49194b6c0236087b5028c7641d06656&language=en_US

Oh, also, they're dead broke because he lost his job and they're on Medicaid. They got their cable/internet turned off WHILE I WAS THERE, and playing games online is one of his few remaining comforts.

It's time to start guillotining people. It's long past time, actually. You get me a gun, 3,000–4,000 allies, and the address of a corporate HQ and I'll be there. If you're concerned about firearm proliferation, a torch or a pitchfork will do. Hell, I'm about ready to start putting nails through a baseball bat, hanging out during cocktail hour at Dorsia*, and taking my chances on my own.

(*close captions for the movie-impaired: favorite restaurant of the uber-rich financier serial-killer "protagonist" of American Psycho)

I'm glad at least some of my people are having a good day. Be strong and breed fast, kids, so 250 years from now I can help mow your former oppressors down with a phase rifle and piss in their arcologies. ❤️❤️❤️​

https://www.businesstoday.in/latest/trends/tiger-census-india-achieves-target-four-years-before-deadline/story/368716.html

#UpMars!

Mom has two $50 gift certificates that she's not using for the local sandwich/comfort food/gooshy dessert cafe and I am fending off the urge to just go and have a nice solid stress-eat. I can just live exclusively on kale and beans for the next three months to make up for it, right?

Nah. Gotta live. Gotta live long enough for the Singularity to happen so I can build a 50000' mecha and punch a hole in this shitsack universe, in the hopes that something better might leak through.

#GurranLagann #KaminaWasRight

@Thaminga @anthracite @Phorm There was a day that I would have been SO EXCITED at the prospect of the mainstream getting a glimpse of what postfurries are about. Now I don't know who I'd trust less not to fuck it up, them or us. *sighs and goes back to sleep in a nice quiet cave on Deimos*

@001zlnv Thank you. It went pretty bad and I had to see people I care about in some pretty dire straits. I know you've just been there too. *hug* But I did not eat my narcissist dipshit sister-in-law's face off in a maelstrom of cracking bones and spraying blood, so I'd at least consider it a moral victory. 🐯​

I was braced for the confrontation with imminent doom inflicted on a beloved family member. I can handle doom. I've been thinking about doom literally every day since I was 11 years old and lost my dad after his 2nd heart attack.

What I wasn't prepared for was my sister-in-law having gone full narcissist. She had always shown warning signs, but she spent the whole visit guilt-tripping my parents to the point of tears and complaining about how much *she'd* gone through.

Apparently she dragged my stepbrother to the attorney to get everything signed over THE WEEK he was diagnosed. She's been talking down his survival chances constantly, which I'd assumed was just my mom being a Mama Bear and exaggerating any perceived threat to her kids... but nope, I saw it first-hand.

Honestly, at first I figured Mom was just pissed because my sister-in-law's being a realist and accepting that there's basically jack-shit that can be done here, and my parents are determined that he should fight it tooth and nail

But nope, it's really happening, and I'm livid. I'm so proud of myself, given my past history of inability to bite my tongue and get into trouble over it. I just... sad there calmly trading covert sympathetically-dirty looks with my mom, and frantically texting Peggy about how fast I was coming to truly hate this woman.

And evidently she's not only been controlling his visitors, she won't allow physical therapy for him because "she doesn't like having strange people in her house."

Oh, and just to add insult to injury, she greeted me with, "Wow, you've really gone gray since I saw you last!" What a charmer, eh?

I am not sure if I'm kidding if I ask my Mad Science friends if they have access to anything... untraceable. I already told my mom I volunteer to be The Bad Guy in case this woman needs to be seriously, loudly, and finally told off.

But it wouldn't do any good, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about any of this, so I'm gonna just take advantage of my very well-honed ability to hide things in my emotional Vault, and...

*big serene willfully-derpy Finn The Human smile*

It's gone.

In less cheerful news, in about five minutes I'm heading out to visit my cancer-stricken stepbrother. Mom warned me it's... not gonna be too cool. His morale is abysmal, his prospects are not good, and his personality may have changed a bit for the worse from the brain surgery. (Or maybe he's just snappish and irritable for REAL FUCKING UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS, including the fact his wife is a nasty selfish piece of shit. >_< )

Honestly, I'm gonna risk pissing off my parents by breaking their little veneer of silver lining. If he asks how I'm doing I'm gonna tell him the truth: "really pissed off at the universe on your behalf for this shit."

Haha, even the pose sketches for Hladolet came out adorable...

(I went with #3, of course...)

@anthracite Somehow I envisioned that entire comment as if you were a Wes Anderson character, sitting at a table with your hands folded sincerely, in an elegant bed and breakfast entirely appointed in bright orange, with a caption reading 'SUPERIOR TO YOUTUBE' under you in a quirky but tasteful sans serif font. With a scarf. A very very pastel scarf.