Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Today I learned the Brazilians will put beef stroganoff on a pizza.

I redid the math three times and damned if I can prove them wrong. 🤷​

FUN FACT: Gender is a fully objective description of genitals and X/Y genetics, totally irrespective of cultural norms. This is why every bottle of Old Spice has a tiny penis and testicles hidden in the bottom of the container and every daiquiri must contain >2.5% ova by volume.

That moment when you're a month and a half into a case of chronic swimmer's ear (even though you don't swim) and you look at that bottle of toilet bowl cleanser and think, "Hmm, it's got peroxide AND bleach AND that comfy looking little nozzle..."

I'm so fucking tired of this.

@Leucrotta I feel like this should be the least kosher food by definition somehow...? :D Have a nice democratic dulce de membrillo or goiabada instead. :>

@Leucrotta *hugs you and smiles placidly* Sweetie? I'm engaged to PEGGY. You can still enumerate the tits on your own, with the naked eye, and without advanced mathematical notation. Consider yourself lucky.

@anthracite

oh look i have a new nickname for the proud boys

@Leucrotta I'm hoping to get Tommy Lee Jones for this role. Failing that, Sam Elliott. *nod*

@LexYeen grr

@LexYeen *squints real dirty at you while she faves* >___<

Oof. We're up to six em dashes.

*doffs her fishing hat and looks solemnly at the ground*

There's no hope for the poor bastard. Because I tend to use them for sentences like "Your research on this task is really good—but your conclusions raise some issues."

@monsterblue (Watching over it again, I gotta confess Raisin is kinda Personality Development Goals for me. I long to be that calm and sweet on the surface but that efficient at humiliating bullies. :) )

@monsterblue Or to recommend another Spumco-style-adjacent but John-free animator... I could kinda see something entertaining done in the style of John Dilworth, the guy behind Courage the Cowardly Dog, especially this old Liquid Television short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5vGJEJwIWE

@monsterblue We Don't Mention Spumco In This Household. :>

(Anthracite's a traumatized Spumo veteran. Oh lordy does she have some stories but they boil down to "it's all true and John K was a complete abusive piece of shit.")

Oh shit though. Hey @anthracite, any idea what it would take to get a commission of Rezy outta Katie Rice someday? :D

"Don't make me an optimist, you'll ruin my life." -- "Fleabag" (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), Fleabag S02E04

@monsterblue Here's a big secret by the way. You can make your own Martian Empress at home! Just find my ex Acetone_Kitten, take the absolute 180-degree opposite of their (very kind and scrupulous; quiet; minimally bitey) personality, and mix 40:60 with Hobbes The Plush Tiger.

The entire character was originally conceived as a foil for their clean, polite, responsible Mooncat species. :D

You can always tell an employee review is going to be a disaster when I have to start breaking out the em dashes—I have absolutely no idea why this is, I have absolutely no explanation for it, it just is.

@monsterblue Oh, here we go... https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Fc%2Fcd%2FMarvelousMaureen.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMarvelous_Maureen&tbnid=7zh_38e7GsRMmM&vet=12ahUKEwjJz6mVhK_xAhWLVKwKHcm-AUQQMygBegQIARBW..i&docid=ISkshhwYIg4yuM&w=240&h=415&q=marvelous%20maureen&ved=2ahUKEwjJz6mVhK_xAhWLVKwKHcm-AUQQMygBegQIARBW

@monsterblue Now I'm curious what cartoonist/cartoon's style you'd pick. :D

I already have my pick, but it's kinda obscure. See if you can find any trace whatsoever of a cheesy teen space-opera comic named "Marvelous Maureen" that used to run in Archie Comics' Pep Magazine...

Hey, probably-Aspergillus spores in my ear?

You're the worst symbiotes ever. No powers, no whispering voices, no hallucinations of alien lives, no instructions, no nothing.

Just get the fuck out. You've got 12 days and then I start pondering off-manual uses of the culinary blowtorch.

Doing a binge of Harold Pinter plays on Youtube was a really good idea. I really liked The Dumb Waiter, even just as low-analysis workday entertainment. I see the roots of so much of the "er, comedy" I like...