Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

"Human earns a pound
Tiger gets a shilling
Eat just a little at a time
Terrans are quite filling."

@mona@cybre.space Fun fact/counterpoint: have you heard of the Buddhist concept of the "issendai?" (That's Japanese; the original Sanskrit is "icchantika.")

It's the hypothetical "least enlightenable person in the universe," the VERY last person who will ever wake the hell up, receive the dharma, and presumably turn the lights out on the phenomenal world when they leave.

I have long suspected it's me. ^____^;

Well, hemp's legal. Guess all of our problems are now over, since it's a miracle plant that's good for absolutely everything. Otherwise, I'd have to believe that a bunch of bearded countercultural types had fallen for their own hyperbole, and I just can't believe in that sort of a world.

I fully expect a cancer cure by next Thursday, an end to world hunger by the end of the year, an end to global warming by February at the latest, and free clothing for everybody for eternity. I see no reason not to assume we'll all be living in $500 compressed-hemp homes by the end of next year.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy about the news. It's just... I was told we had to fix this because The Man Was Suppressing A Miracle Plant That Could Solve All Human Ills--- not, you know, because the prohibition made no fucking sense at all unless you were a shithead newspaper magnate with a lot of money in paper mills.)

Fuck it, I'm going for more, even though it's probably got a higher sodium content than Utah.

If this woman's food kills me before I get back, I want @anthracite to know I love her very much, make sure Kirt and Noa get a happy ending, and know that I died happy. Probably went straight to Dago Heaven, too, where I shall be fed by doting old ladies for eternity. :D

@acetone_kitten Honestly? I love the man, he's a literary hero and a true punk, but I was just kinda relieved to see he's been paying rent and isn't dumpster diving or anything.

Well... that he's not dumpster diving involuntarily. If that motherfucker's not a coyote on some metaphysical level, nobody is.

You have no idea how much I wish I could upload a few gallons of my mom's wedding soup to Awoo and let you all share it out.

I'm pretty sure this stuff is only an ingredient or two away from a depression cure, perhaps even an immortality potion.

@LexYeen@snouts.online Boss makes a dollar, you make a nickel. Drown him in brine like a fatcat pickle.

🖼

@acetone_kitten Huh. Did you know that John Fucking Shirley wrote four episodes of the 2012 TMNT reboot? O__o

HOCH HECH

@Austin_Dern please accept our pamphlet

https://rubrquun.dreamwidth.org/6372.html

Don't believe the hype. There is no known preparation of Pinkie Pie's mane that will prevent Westphall Syndrome OR Lynks Disease. The Ponyvax movement is based on thoroughly debunked magical theory.

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

@kel@dragon.style That's the spirit! Utter bewilderment reduces susceptibility to Westphall disease by 87%! (That's how Freakazoid managed to do his thing and stay so healthy. The metavores won't go NEAR Candleja---)

@mona@cybre.space *sigh* For you... I'll see if I can get JJ to do an extra shift in the lab. You're not allergic to Coptic Gnosticism by-products, are you?

(Figure A: https://i.imgur.com/3IJK89z.jpg)

(Figure B: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEFIgSnS26M)

(Figure C: https://i.imgur.com/UKTTmdE.jpg)

*cut to an image of a perfectly androgynous raccoon with slim metal deelyboppers and plasticky #FF0000 fur*

"Hello. My name is Dr. Jennifer James Kirsch, director of the Scott Aukerman Memorial Institute For Pataphysical Medicine."

"Just thirty years ago, Tommy Westphall Syndrome was incurable. Thousands of canons were lost to Westphall. These innocent worlds were doomed to an eternity in the negative white-static fogs of the Subrandom Dimension of Gnerust. Many a sitcom knew what it was to roast in the depths of a metavore, I can tell you."

"But thanks to your generous donations, Westphall Syndome CAN be treated."

*holds up a syringe full a liquid that looks remarkably like the weird bubbly shit from the intro of MTV's Liquid Television*

"This simple substance-- made from equal parts Ubik*, reruns of "No Soap, Radio," and TVNA harvested from the nasal hairs of Danny "Abed" Pudi-- restores existential stasis in 95% of realities treated."

"But we're still working on a cure. We need your help. Write the magic word 'vibescu,' 'nogarelmo,' or 'resilono' on a 3"x5" postcard, lick the ink until it's completely illegible, and send it to:

The Snowglobe Society
c/o Electric Brain of Leonard Nimoy
PO Box y(t)+A(y)(y[x])^2
D'Aubainne International Airport
The Edge, Al Amarja
Earth-21

Thank you for your support, and... let's Keep It Real, everybody.

* Ubik is a registered trademark of Glen and Ella Runciter

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

@mona@cybre.space Man, it just gets worse and worse. The whole Universe Universe is positively riddled with Dragonball TVNA codons. I'm glad we caught this while there's still hope. :O

@mona@cybre.space (For that matter, gods only fucking knows what kind of metaphysical disease Uncle Grandpa is carrying -- goatmom doesn't need that shit -__~ )

@mona@cybre.space @kara@witchcraft.cafe

ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

I was catastrophically wrong. For the good of the multiverse, I must counsel against. It's just too risky.

https://comicbook.com/anime/2018/07/01/my-hero-academia-steven-universe-cameo-issue-8-comics/

@mona@cybre.space @kara@witchcraft.cafe Hmm. I'll look into it for her. I _think_ Steven Universe remains Pure and Untainted except for some mild Gravity Falls cross-contamination.