Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

I just watched a video where a Flat Earther stalemate a debate about the curvature of the earth by completely failing to understand or accept that:

(a) d = 2r
(b) x*(1/y)=x/y

He fended off his opponents and kept his backers cheering by sheer stubbornness and obfuscation. The uspol resonance of this is making my hackles lock in the "ROAR AND EAT PEOPLE" position. Humans, your ignorance makes me ill and angry. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfVqM-QYch8 )

Once you've seen the Keurig logo as a three-eyed frown emoji, you can never go back.

@001zlnv @anthracite Yeah, this. I definitely wouldn't include the note fessing up to drawing it yourself. The more brazen and deadpan the scam, the funnier it'll be and the better the PR. Remember, you're pitching this to people who like their art good and ironic.

THIS JUST IN FROM FUTURENEWS: 26TH CENTURY TIGERS ARE PEEING ON THE RUINS OF YOUR CULTURE. IT'S THEIRS NOW.

@Balinares I mean, I am at least lucky enough to know I'll probably die with a full head of hair. Thanks for the DNA, dad. :)

@Phorm *rawrs approvingly and nurses a cup of Hot Jones, which is to say, a cup of some guy named Jones* ^___^

Nah, fuck it. I don't have time for sadness. My gender, by fiat, is LARGE FUCKOFF CAT. It's 2019, I have this inexplicably lingering ( <3 ) group of friends who is glad to enable it, pay no attention to the hairy aging dago behind the curtain. I was never much of a real-world person to begin with.

Low morale tonight in general. Sweet but chatty aunt came by and ate up almost all my workday hours, and then I felt icky from my lingering sinus infection and slept for another two hours.

Meanwhile, current gender: "a shoebox full of memories that has been stuffed into the back of a closet, on the unwarranted assumption that it will surely be retrieved and sorted through someday." If I pulled it out right now, I honestly don't even know what the fuck I'd do with it except cry.

@anthracite FUCK. YES. DO. THIS. (even if it's work) <3 <3 <3

The sound of stunned silence on the other end, when I called Sen. McConnell's office and asked if "Vladimir is in," was delightful.

I have to hand it to that poor intern, he was the soul of politeness when he told me I must have the wrong number. And I was so chipper when I told him, "Oh, no, I'm pretty sure I don't. He must be out today. Just have Mitch let Mr. Putin know I was looking for him."

I wonder precisely how crazy we could drive them if we did this by the thousands.

@troodon Yeah, I figure when we finally break down and get a kitty, they're gonna be SO GRATEFUL that we, in the depths of our 1st-time owner cluelessness, have you and @Aradia to correct our stupid mistakes...

🐯​😾🌎🖕​

“There’s always a last everything, right? Your last pill, your last cigarette, your last sip of water… your last good kiss.” -- Nitnit, Charles Burns's Last Look

"I just feel like if I tap you on the back of the neck, a cardboard standee will topple onto the ground and I'll find a pamphlet about Og Mandino taped to the back of it."

Just had a horrible wave of nostalgia for Seattle and an unpleasant acceptance that I will probably never see it again—and if I do, for so very many reasons it will not be the place I left. In fact, I am not unlikely to go out of my way to make sure I never see Seattle again. Or if I do, to make sure no more than 4–5 people know I'm there.

I'll get by. And well, you can always come visit me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3rLXloy6ac

Mom and I had a rousing conversation about how all our traditional family recipes are pronounced and spelled totally differently from their official versions. (e.g. what was "pungwai" to my grandma turned out to be, um, "pancotto" to Wikipedia . No foolin.)

You know what I really love about being Italian-American? When a redneck family gets something dead-wrong, it's "ignorant." When an Italian family does it, it's "rustic." :D

I really wish the ADHD community on Reddit would stop posting such <s>on the nose observations about my neurotype</s> pernicious lies and infamy.

@OldBrushNewPaper I've kept my sanity through these things as I age, by generalizing the rule I set after the funeral of my 90-year-old great-grandmother, who lived a fine life and died painlessly in the middle of a Catholic church service. (Which sounds like a nightmare to me, but was right up her alley.)

Keep in mind that the following is PURELY my own approach and NOT intended to be normative in any way:

If they're older than the average human life expectancy when they go, not in the middle of any major unfulfilled projects, died comfortably, and seemed to have led a pretty happy life, I don't mourn. I give them a moment of silence, a round of applause, and a "Well done. Full marks." And then I look for their successor.

Now, granted, in Rutger Hauer's place, I'm not sure he actually HAS one, nor that any such thing is possible... And losing Roy Batty has a certain poignance that is entirely unique...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_faxjRKqJ4

cw: Neue Deutsche Härte, scruffy English hippie; allergy warning: parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme

Ever since I stopped having access to cannabis, my dreams have come back with a vengeance. They're back to where they were in the Livejournal days, when I used to post regular dream diaries: epic, recurring, cathartic, and deeply weird.

Today I've been trying to nap my way through some sinusitis-induced fatigue, and I wound up dreaming about playing video games with Samuel L. Jackson. It started with us all in an enormous auditorium inside his mansion, playing off a movie theater screen, just us and 4-5 other guests.

Then the party started. Hollywood celebrities arrived. Hiphop producers arrived. Al Pacino arrived. We moved out into the main mansion, a gorgeous spawrling place Über-Victorian that was all stained glass and fine varnished wood.

They brought in a whole team of weed dealers and set up an open, traveling kief and hash bar. It was so acrid I couldn't even bring myself to try it... and you're talking to someone who's been dreaming of weed EVERY NIGHT since leaving the West Coast.

The whole party was just soaked in this alienating kind of het male power-player machismo, and I spent the whole time feeling very nerdy and out of place, keeping to the corners with the other broke-ass queer nerds who came with me.

And when I woke up, I felt so hollow about the whole thing. I thought about all the wealth and power on display and I asked myself, "Rez, is this really where you ended up by comparison? You've got none of this. You've done absolutely nothing with your life."

And I kinda gave myself an internal high-five and said, "Damn straight, Other Rez. Mission Accomplished." Whatever it was those guys had, I'm genuinely grateful I stayed way the fuck away from it, had a few fun years with my fellow shy-but-perverse nerds, and now have little besides an obscure webcomic, a subsistence job, a tiny social-media circle of gay-ass leftist weirdos, and this really cool dragon to pet. Oh, and more shrimp within walking distance than I can shake a tail at.

By cat standards, I've done AWESOME. 10/10, no notes. 🐯​