Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Hey hey.

THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone who I did get to talk to, and to everyone who offered. I am out of social spoons for now... but I might have a few more in the near future.

I heard a lot of what I needed to, finally got a lot of my worst fears debunked. For those of you who don't know the situation... basically, I had a dispute with two very old and dear friends and got kicked out of their lives. I've been reeling ever since.

No CW for this one, sorry.

I could really use somebody to talk to about some... stuff. Community stuff.

There's no hurry. This request is on the order of weeks, not hours. But yeah, I don't think I can bottle up and try to contend with this on my own any longer. It just ain't working.

And frankly, given how little information I STILL have about what actually happened, it all just seems faintly absurd to me, so absurd I'm still dumb enough to think there might be a solution.

Fuck me, rite?

Just gonna put my head down and deal. If I distract myself with enough work and media, I can get through another day with no answers, no opportunities, and no idea what the fuck I can do to move past any of this.

Your uncomfortably timely Word of the Day:

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/agnotology

Well, fuck, our Firefly 1's heating element just broke. And I've been having bronchial issues, so I absolutely can't go back to smoking.

Does anyone have a spare vaporizer that's just gathering dust, by any chance? If not, can you recommend an inexpensive one that's good with ground cannabis instead of concentrates?

I'm not even sure I LIKE Jack Stauber. But I can't get the damn song at the end out of my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lzQWC57HSc

Guess it's time to break out the Daft Punk/Strong Bad mashup album. That stuff is like mental Drāno.

try your next bloody mary with a drizzle of sesame oil

i'm fucking serious

One of those days I wish I could just lock myself in some kind of brainbox and let Noelle (my ridiculously patient and kind unicorn-lady persona) take over, possibly for good. I'm tired of being angry and guilty.

But I'm afraid even if the above were somehow possible, all it would end up accomplishing is force her to channel the anger herself. That's basically what happened when I let her front for me on Twitter for a while.

I just wish my identity desktop had a recycle bin.

A line from a recent HuffPo article:

"The campaign to knock the wind out of Browder’s sails began to draw blowback as the political climate changed."

Wow. That must be some impressively quick climate change, if it knocked the wind of a sailing vessel.

Also, I'm pretty sure the term "blowback" is a reference to fire and/or gunpowder. So no wonder the Russians hate Bill Browder so much! He's motherfucking Blackbeard, apparently.

Sorry, inner editor needed a place to vent.

This all exemplifies one of my strongest beliefs and biggest pet peeves: most people who call themselves "rationalism" have, having discovered there is intimidation power in this term, simply written the word "rational" on a 3"x5" index card and glued it to their forehead.

Reason involves dialectic. It involves making a willing and conscious choice NOT to use tactics like these to dismiss Enemy Thoughts out of hand. And arguing by definition like that? That's flat out.

Wow. Look at this mess of high-end self-delusion I found while debating a conservative furry.

http://newbostonpost.com/2017/11/09/undoing-the-dis-education-of-millennials/

This is a genuinely amazing feat of intellectual sleight-of-hand he's pulling, crusading against "isms" while quietly grandfathering in all the ones he personally finds meaningful.

I don't see the difference between this guy reverently rejecting classism and racism, and some Victorian don insisting no literature post-Shakespeare really matters. *shrug*

Putting on my +2 Robes of Geographical Authority has also dramatically improved my mood. Honestly, I kinda needed to spend a couple hours deciding Who Lives And Who Dies, even if the "who" here is just a bunch of db entries.

"His underwear is federally required to bear the words 'THIS PLACE IS NOT A PLACE OF HONOR.'"

You know what would feel really good right now?

The Supercontext from The Invisibles. Some sort of Queer Magick Nerd Elysium, the big post-credits afterparty where we're all reunited, living or dead, friend or enemy, and get to just... hang out. Like we used to, but without all the damage caused by the orthocosm and our bent-up human neurology in the way.😿​

Of course there is a distinct possibility that our Truest Selves ALSO suck, and it would basically be a No Exit rave. ;p

Heh. Twitter keeps sending me spam for @hladolet22, reminding me I have unread notifications.

Sorry, Birdlords. That identity has been vacated long ago. You're sending mail to an empty helmet and a pair of plastic boots. I think Hladi got "rescued" and is now an accountant in Furry Passaic or something.

And you know? The path that got me here may still have been totally worth it. The failures I committed were not even remotely the failures I expected, and here I am, at least dealing in the aftermath. Everything I thought I loved and was committed to fell apart, REAL fast... but in the grand analysis, I am merely about as screwed as I was 10 years ago. Which is pretty screwed, really, but again... here I am.

It's OK. Life is still very OK, and that's better than Not OK.

Also, had a great visit with @green and got to meet their cats (who gave me a number of useful and practical Catting tips). Tomorrow Peg and I are going to a freakin' water park. My bosses still love me and I'm doing one of them a huge favor today. I'm slated to go back on the podcast I co-founded after a long hiatus.

Oh, and after a shameful 40-year history of scrubdom, I finally feel REALLY GOOD at most of the video games I'm playing. It's 2018; that's a good life. XD

On the other hand, yeah, the bitterness is back at the surface... but that's basically the precipate left behind by getting rid of a whole bunch of sadness. =^___^=

Peg has been five-starring it lately, as a companion and friend. Parallax is coming out fucking GORGEOUS. And the last round of supportive comments finally knocked the idea out of my head that the quiet response is anything but "looks great but we're waiting for things to start happening!"

(Also, consider this my formal plea: if we ever start letting Parallax turn into a Mystery Box story, PLEASE STOP US.)