Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

That's two consecutive days now that I've gotten an eyelash caught under my eyelid and successfully flushed it out within 10 minutes.

I feel like this might be the Big Adulting Success I'd desperately been needing. 😅​

It just dawned on me that a good chunk of what's wrong with MST3K Seasons 11+ could be fixed with one simple change:

Replace Rebecca Hanson with Leslie Hall, the absolute goddess who sang "Tight Pants/Body Rolls."

GPC needs to be FABULOUS, gosh dang it.

I feel like Rebecca Hanson doesn't sing showtunes on a regular basis. If she's not going to babble about Richard Basehart dummies, GPC needs to at least be the kind of gal who'd break out into showtunes.

It's great that they've taken away her mental blocks. But now she needs to be played by someone passionate -- someone you could believe might, at any given moment and despite her massive intellect, accidentally eat her microphone.

Hanson's GPC is just too damn sane.

Martian Day of Just Bring Me A Transphobe, Any Goddamn Excuse Whatsoever, and Steak Sauce.

Psycho jungle cats from space got your backs, friends.🐯

I really, really, REALLY want a tinfoil hat emoji.

quiet you jerks artie is trying to nap <3

tbh i never quite forgave the internet for dragging the term "sapiosexual"

i can see how it would come off as pretentious but i was good friends with one of the people who had a pretty solid claim to coining the term

he was a nice guy --

by which i actually mean a decent person --

so screw all y'all</strongbad>

Been stressing myself out pretty bad over the impending confrontation with the landlord next door, the one who owns the building Artie likes to sneak up into.

But I did some refresher research and confirmed: yes, our buddies have some legal rights. Louisiana and Orleans Parish law both draw a clear distinction between unsocialized "feral" cats and socialized "community" cats -- and we are EXPLICITLY allowed to feed and care for the latter!

And if he calls animal control, they will shrug and say they can't do a thing except neuter and release them.

The one potential hitch, and I'm almost happy about it -- as their caretakers, we are legally liable for any damage the cats do. But you know, I'm kinda fine with this. They've never caused the faintest harm to our place. The worst I suspect they've done over there is poop. :P

Still worried on general principles of having to talk to a disapproving adult who thinks having property makes him an authority figure, even if he's COMPLETELY IGNORANT of the actual laws. >_< But this is a much better position to fight from, especially if I can get their original caretaker to vouch that, yes, these are Someone's Beloved Kitties.

The ONE good thing in all this... at least it turned out that I neither blew out my eardrums from trying to clear my eustachian tubes, nor did I accidentally overdose on my ear drops, both of which I'd been afraid of. Nope, I adulted just fine-- my infection is just good old fashioned cruel fate and genetic misfortune.

Meh, sorry I've been quiet lately.

Got my yearly nightmarish ear infection. It happens every year after my first cold/flu, it's a different cause every time, and it's usually a 3-4 stage transforming boss. Hopefully, this is one is a routine inner ear bacterial infection and this course of antibiotics will knock it out. Past experience does not leave me hopeful.

My ACTUAL boss has been characteristically understanding, but I've been running through sick days catastrophically fast. I really need to get back in gear QUICK.

Meanwhile, the landlord for the abandoned house next door, the one whose attic Artie loves getting stuck in, finally showed his face the other day. He was getting some insurance adjusters to look at the building.

I decided to grasp the nettle with him about the cats and did NOT get a warm reception. In fact, he launched right into the standard "You know, if you feed the feral cats..." lecture without waiting to let me tell him HOW these guys wound up in our care in the first place.

I sat there defeated for about five minutes, then I got a second wind and confronted him again, attempting the good old Kindly Brontosaurus technique. (https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/08/the-kindly-brontosaurus-the-amazing-prehistoric-posture-that-will-get-you-whatever-you-want.html)

He softened a bit and said we'll work it out when I next see him. On one hand, I guess that feels like a victory? On the other... there's just so much that could go wrong for us and the cats. D: But hey, at least he didn't immediately want to have us arrested for bumbling around inside "his" house, rescuing cats.

I'm just stuck once again with an unresolved, scary, open Cat Problem and I really, really, really did not need that kind of ongoing threat to my anxiety level on top of the ear stuff.

I am maintaining, but just barely. One more crisis and somebody just might get mauled. If it's some asshole with no sympathy for abandoned cats, so be it. 🐯​

*twitches nervously*

And here comes Round 2.

Anyone got, like, a nice shovel or something I can chew on? 🐯

'Cause I am real close to havin' a Tiger Moment here.

Sat on the back porch with Shadow, Artie, Peebles, and Ceejay for a bit. We pondered the transience of the world and our short illegal lives here together, and I promised them that I would do everything I could to keep them safe -- even if I couldn't promise that would be enough when the Cruel Human World came calling.

But I'm just a tiger and concepts like "transience" do not really sit well with me, so all I really want to do is pick transience up in my mouth and shake it around until it's dead.

I saw a mutual friend make a very heated complaint about something total strangers were doing that arguably would also would apply completely to me.

And I did NOT charge in and say "Well, I guess that means you hate me too" and pre-emptively fire them into the sun and mute them.

Because it really doesn't matter and there's no reason to make an issue out of it. The issue would have been PURELY a matter of my singed fur and barely-nicked personal honor. There was NOTHING at stage between me and them, and they owed me NOTHING just for having an opinion.

I've lost too damn many people that way already, because I had a moment of Keepin' It Real and defending my dunderheaded dago honor. And I seem to have FINALLY learned to stop doing it, though the original instinct was there and it was strong-- and in retrospect, it was nothing but fear and pride behind the urge. So... nothing. Illusions. Maya. Tigerfarts.

The issue doesn't matter at all. Even if you happen to be the person I'm talking about, it doesn't matter. Everything is cool. I really truly just wanted to document that for one more brief shining moment, I actually mastered my emotions and reined them in, and I'm very proud of myself.

OK how the in actual fuck do you not recognize this bit as satire after the "VIP table at Chili's" line?

I really don't like my allies sometimes, did I mention that? Painful thickness exists on both sides of the political fence.

Welp. Woke up this morning to the sound of two strangers discussing aluminum siding about ten feet away. Had a panicky hunch that proved correct: two insurance inspectors on the property next door, the one Artie's been getting stuck in.

They told me the owner was on his way, so I lingered outside until he showed. He was a total asshole at first, went into the standard spiel about "how crazy it is to feed feral cats" before I could even explain that THEY'RE NEUTERED, DOMESTICATED, BOX-TRAINED, AND ARE PRACTICALLY HOUSECATS.

But I'm very proud of myself. I was STRESSED AS FUCK after that interaction but I took five minutes of deep breaths and grasped the nettle. I went up to him as polite and conciliatory as I could and offered "Hey, could we... maybe put down some cat repellent or something? We'll gladly pay. We don't want them in there any more than you do!"

He seemed to soften up a little after that. He said it wasn't necessary, and when it comes time to fix up the property, he'll come knock on our door and we'll figure out how to best keep the cats out of his business.

I'm nervous as hell still, he did NOT seem happy we'd been sneaking into his property and leaving the back door propped... but he not only did not threaten to call the cops or anything, he didn't even close up the back door!

So I think we might be okay in the long run. And I am still SHAKING, especially 'cause the LAST crisis (ear infection) hasn't even resolved and I was BRACED for the next one to start.

But I am SO PROUD of myself for totally taking the reins of my Big Evil Hateful Catbeast Temper and being conciliatory. I think I won my Diplomacy roll with the guy.

Wish us luck. 'Cause if ONE HAIR ON ONE CAT'S HEAD GETS HURT over this, there will be war and I might be fundraising for bail money someday. :)

By far the two most important realizations in my quest for sanity over the last 15 years:

1) Recognizing that people I don't like, and who do't like me, don't get to vote in any referendum about my self-image

2) Recognizing that IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY if I meet a cool person who is totally indifferent to me. I don't need everybody to be my friend, especially not my friends' friends, ESPECIALLY if all we've got in common is an interest.

you know, comrades, when Devo said "eliminate the ninnies and the twits," they weren't being metaphorical

bash 'em 🐯​

It should be tradition that when you are old and near death, and you have nothing to lose, you do your best to take one complete asshole with you.

I might give it a shot in 30-40 years myself, if such years exist.

(I think it blows Peg's mind sometimes that SHE'S the kind, charitable one, but she wears it well. 😽​)

My entire life with Peggy in several images, courtesy of the show Schmigadoon...