Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Got a couple of nice little reminders that some people consider me the GOOD kind of lunatic, so am having a pretty good brain day this morning.

No focus so far, but I am at Crypto-Libertarian Space Cowboy Cafe and have coffee. Mildly awkward social situation at work-- just some files that are going through garbled-- but I'm dealing without my usual abject panic somehow. :)

I'm all over the emotional spectrum about real-world p*l*t*cs right now. Mostly optimistic, frankly. They're blowin' it.

(sala basically had two rp modes: "pacifist-soldier hero from a j g ballard novel" and "hobbes")

(*ok, the sensible stand up guy bit is a bit of a lie especially if you take into account the incident where he ate his friend chrys's pvc stockings by mistake -- again, sensible for a TIGER =^_^;= )

I used to have a tiger character on TapestriesMUCK named "Salahuddin."

He'd probably be considered really appropriative or something by today's standards, since he was a south Asian Muslim-heretic Marxist, but I really strove to play him as a sensible, stand-up guy (for a stonking great murder cat). He used to do stuff like follow Nazifurs around Tapestries from venue to venue and bellow "L'Internationale" at them.

I miss Sala. He'd like 2017. I should get some Nazi-punchin' tiger artwork.

#moodsnapshot

(nah, not really, but I do love this pic *bzzzz* ) https://awoo.space/media/6MpJP5H36dY31MLWqJM

Okay, doing a lot better now. Peg dragged me out for a rather long walk and now I'm far, far too exhausted to be depressed. It's good to know you have a friend who's willing to torment you back to good cheer, even at severe risk of your demise. XD

current mood: 2/10

current self-assessment: 1/10

current est'd number of friends: 0

actual number of people currently on telegram alone who would probably jump to help me if i could actually take the initiative: 17

est'd accuracy of current self-image: 4%

# of inner voices currently advocating self-destruction: 2/12

current odds of self-destruction: 0.2%

# of inner voices currently advocating returning to bed: 11/12

current desire to talk to anyone but this screen: 0.0%

burning out fast today, kinda finding myself wishing i'd just gone ahead and taken myself out of the equation the day this all started

"So what's that ex of yours, Rik, like?"

"Oh, pretty cool."

https://gfycat.com/OptimalVigorousCardinal

My significant other just debunked the almighty shit out of an inane occult conspiracy thread on Reddit and I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl over here. 😍

If you're having a bad day, I highly recommend finding your finest local cafe, preferably one that serves breakfast, and sitting down next to someone who makes really loud lip-smacking noises while they eat.

Ideally, make sure your headphones have JUST enough battery charge to run out five minutes after you've blocked her out.

It's great. It is to minor misanthropy what "Everybody To The Limit" by Strong Bad is to an earworm. Nothing else matters now. My hatred has been purified.

also, god do i need a proper place where i can smut -- don't suppose anyone's made any progress on a tf-smut-friendly mastodon instance, or can recommend a good Discord thingie -- i keep seeing glimmers of hope there's something out there but haven't gotten around to looking yet!

(I'm really working my butt off to keep these mopey/venty posts as entertaining and funny for people as I'm currently capable. I know what it's like to deal with someone in a funk. <3 <3 <3 )

Meanwhile, each time I read Birdsite or Reddit I'm finding myself tempted to just embrace the post-truth era, construct the most ludicrous hair-splitting ideology I can, and pretend to believe in it uncritically for the rest of my life.

I mean, why not? Social media's already reduced ideology to performance art. It's time to get back on the cutting edge and show these Pepe-come-latelies what a REAL fringe lunatic sounds like.

#TheBritishCrownInventedGenderUnderMartianMindControlIn1622

Worried about work, which is silly since I'm still pretty much near the top of the annotator hierarchy. But that's the thing, isn't it. Do you kids still know about the Peter Principle these days? O:)

I'm loving the greater responsibility and challenge, but man, I have learned NOTHING about taking criticism with a stiff upper lip. And I know I'm gonna get reamed when my evals come around, 'cause I am clever but SLOW.

#ImpostorSyndromeIsTheNameOfMyLimitBreak

Everything doesn't suck right now, but some things do. More importantly, the circumstances are perfect for creating persistent illusions of suckiness.

I'm really close to just walking away from Birdsite. I'm at the point where I can no longer assure myself that at least the leftists I read are being drastically less toxic than the right-wingers.

No, I just AGREE with them more, and that's not good enough anymore. :| Torn between trying to fight a losing battle and just leaving.

Bleah.

Bleah is good. Bleah is better than "ick." Bleah is better than "augh." Bleah is better than "god no the centipedes." But still, bleah.

One nice thing about all this: I won't be able to afford to be reclusive for very long. I've been bad for so long about taking the initiative to see my friends, and now I CAN'T just laze around at Station Beta and wait for them to come to me.

I'm maintaining. I'm no longer taking damage, even healing, just not a lot else at the moment.

"Valis made a healthy, informed, democratic decision to spend as much of the next week in bed as possible."