Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

In happier news, this is the sort of relationship I strive for... and pretty much have! I have so many good things to say about @anthracite this year, but the first and foremost: she has never, ever, EVER left me hanging on a potential comedy bit. ^__^

(Er, the valleys comment doesn't mean that I don't have plenty of friends and that you don't bring me happiness... It's just that the social anxiety has been at a fever pitch CONSTANTLY since The Bad Things Happened, and there's so much unresolved and still stuck in my brain, and... running my social heuristics comes with a certain amount of worry and discomfort even with my favorite people. I'm sorry. I'm doing what I can. Maybe I'll make a comeback someday. Don't hold yer breath.)

That's not passive-aggression. I really am looking forward to a degree of numbness. I've been trying to arrange my life so that I get less and less of these peaks and valleys from my social contacts, 'cause it mostly feels like valleys these days. Too much has fallen apart too fast, unsurprisingly that had a toll, and right now I really just want to retire to the emotional equivalent of a sanitarium in the Alps, where my biggest conflict is what kind of muesli I'll have that morning. :p

Honestly, from your perspective, the best strategy is to just keep your distance and let me roar and scratch and whimper. TBH, my faith in the Power Of Friendship is at an all-time ebb, and too much attention to my problems just makes me... nervous, because it's one more fucking opportunity to fuck things up when my emotions get tangled up with somebody else's worldview.

I'm learning a certain independence. That's good. Before long, I won't feel anything at all when this happens.

I guess I just go with the old Livejournal strategy: write openly about it until either someone comes along with a wrench and fixes it for me, or there is a huge drama and everybody is sad and angry because I accidentally triggered somebody's own sensitivity in the process.

Nah, that doesn't sound like much fun. I think I'll go with the Masto strategy instead: write AROUND the problem, frustrate EVERYBODY with my vagueness, and then go right the fuck back to bed.

(I suppose by many definitions I'm OK, but there's a big old issue sticking in my mental craw that is giving me flashbacks to recent Bad Things. I am in a tough position, because silence risks building it into a Big Bad Thing, and talking about it risks hurting people's feelings -- basically the exact same thing I went through daily at Transliminal, and we see how well that went. I wish I were better at just sucking this stuff up and moving on, since I doubt this is interesting to read.)

Today's big question: should I pretend I'm okay?

There are a lot of good arguments on either side.

Hmm, maybe I can just write a big old wall of text, and if I make it lighthearted and rambling enough, people will think it's just self-satire. That's a plus: posting too much about your emotional issues gets you labeled the "sad one."

Nah, that never works. Too much real feeling always leaks through. Maybe the furry approach, "one thousand sad rawrs?" Nah, too cute.

Silence is better.

epilogue:

did not write

did not send

caved in

fuck me

good night

hey on second thought let's just spend the rest of the evening writing, deleting, and rewriting the same plea to be taken seriously

Could anybody out there who's familiar with UK politics and history explain the "Windrush" thing to me, including the current controversy, in 500 characters or less? Thank you, Wikipedia is just looking like a slog and I can't find the actual thread of the current news items in the flood of info.

(And if you tell me I'm not in a het relationship, I WILL ACTUALLY FIGHT YOU. :) But I don't suspect I'll get a lot of resistance on that one, and I realize the Coyote Gayness that @acetone_kitten smeared all over me will never, ever go away. :) )

(Don't worry about it too much. You lot frustrate and annoy me like siblings. The alt-right just makes me want to set them on fire. There is zero defection risk and absolutely nothing they can ever offer me.)

Just... please take me seriously, okay? The sense of dismissiveness and "oh, we know what you are, Kin" that I've gotten when I've tried to talk about this stuff in the past is part of the cycle. It hurts. A lot.

Confession: the trigger event was silly. It was an RT about Fight Club and how men who like it "too much" are untrustworthy. But it triggered some real feelings about my identity... and what sort of snap-judgements I'd be subjected to if I ever abandoned it.

Apologies to anyone who saw my rant earlier.

I stand by what I said in it. There have been some tectonic changes in my self-identification over the last year, and the main thing keeping me from talking about them is social fear. And I am intensely frustrated at certain common behaviors in trans activist circles right now.

But you're right, there's no reason to make waves over it, and I'm too freshly agitated over Birdsite Issues for my tone to be trustworthy here.

The tiger has an idea for a better mood: "asleep." The tiger is sick anyhow and will put as much effort into establishing this mood as possible.

There is no need to fear the tiger. The tiger will not eat you under any circumstances. The tiger is well-fed and regularly petted. But it has come to the tiger's attention that its roaring is distressing to some people, especially when this roaring is performed within <6" of their stupid face.

There is a chance of some roaring.

is "DON'T."

The tiger has no mood. The tiger has chosen to have no mood, in the interest of peace and quiet for everybody. The tiger is really working hard, with good will towards all who will return it, on not having a mood.

Perhaps you will join us in ensuring the tiger need not develop a mood. It would be a terrible, loud thing if the tiger were to have a mood today. The best way you can ensure the tiger succeeds is by not making it make any choices about people today.

@norighttobenotoffended@mastodon.host The power of your whining could power a small city.

@LeDiva About fucking time, small cat. <3 <3 <3

Sorry, we're going to have to reboot the Internet and start all over again. This one's been maxxed out.

https://www.instagram.com/flipping_off_fish/

Fuck it. I'm becoming a Premature Benderite by about 1,000 years. Wanna get together and kill all humans?