Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

i need to get a little gazelle-shaped cookie cutter and keep a supply of cookie prey around at all times, so i can murder one of those instead of saying things on masto/reddit that i should not -___-

i want a gun that instantly prints the word "FUCKKNOB" in large block stencil letters in indelible ink on a target from up to 2000 meters away

ideally it should be accurate enough to hit a forehead and concealable enough to take to a rally

Hmmm. These look quite useful for Masto-- especially D, F, G, J, K, L, M, T, and were I a younger and more virile cat, Z.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_maritime_signal_flags#Letter_flags_(with_ICS_meaning)

oh my god after that raccoon gif i desperately want someone to come out with an animatronic AI-driven raccoon toy that will do fluffy robot parkour all around your apartment ^____^

(note i said your apartment not mine O:) )

Next time you're feeling depressed about the poor prospects of humanity, take comfort. Because the raccoons are READY and just waiting for the chance to ransack our yummy yummy ruins.

https://www.reddit.com/r/trashpandas/comments/9eprar/getting_some_juice/

Then we stopped in at a huge antiques mall near the casino. It was right up my parents' alley and my stepdad got to expand his collection of neat little antique toy trains. But I got too much of an "hostile political allegiance" vibe out of what was quite clearly Trump and Reagan territory and mostly just killed time wandering, keeping my snarky opinions down to the occasional whisper to my mom.

If nothing else, I enjoyed the reminder there are far worse places than Seattle.

Stopped in a 7-11 on the way down, and "got" to accidentally see my stepdad pee in an employees-only room sink when the men's room turned out to be out of order. (In his defense, at his age... not much choice.) We booked it out of there fast while I chuckled like a loon.

Speaking of urine, the whole casino reeked of stale tobacco and retiree pee, a potent and noxious concoction if there ever was one. Made most of my Will rolls, walked out with $60 of the $100 stake my folks gave me.

Haha, it was terrible, but I knew it was coming so I approached it with the proper mindset and actually had a pretty good time.

Mostly, I just enjoyed the ride down. Alternated between reading an Italo Calvino novel (excellent literary goose chase, just what I needed) and staring out the window at all the glorious coal-country squalor. (Thought of you the whole way down, @acetone_kitten, you would have lovehated it.)

Wow. Normally I try not to bring people's physical appearance into things, but... this Richard Grenier neocon fellow had some serious Planet of the Apes shit going on in the facial area.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Grenier_(newspaper_columnist)

#backpfeifengesicht

Today in Republicans Have Always Been Shit:

The classic TV film The Day After was heavily criticized in the right-wing press for being (gasp) against nuclear escalation.

Today my parents are taking me to Mountaineer Casino, in the WV panhandle. A few of you might remember me posting on LJ ages ago about how damn depressing this place is. It's dreadful, full of silent glum retirees in the worst states of empty compulsion. It's Vegas drained of all color & glamour. My usual habit is to pocket the money my folks give me to gamble with, and bring a good book.

This seems like a real good time & place to break down and finally read Blood Meridian. ^__^

re: previous toots i just want to remind everybody that i'm pretty sure it says somewhere in the new testament that tigers writing poetry is a sign of the end times

um somewhere towards the back, maybe in the appendices

(although these days, you have to entertain the possibility that this was *knowing* bullshit, fabricated to drive user clicks... but isn't that actually kinda worse?)

This Snopes article conviently encapsulates a number of reasons why humans can't have nice things. Compare this kind of reasoning with our current political and informational dilemmas and I think you've got a pretty good picture of why I've given up on Homo pseudosapiens.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pyramid-location-speed-light/

I saw it with my own two eyes
A vision of Masto's demise
Corps and fascists totalize
While leftists merely balkanize

Just in case you missed my previous reply, I have an announcement:

In the interest of non-conformity, I am declaring my gender and pronoun to be equal to the following mathematical expression:

TREE(3→3→4→2)

where TREE is Kruskal's TREE function & the arrows are Conway's chained arrow notation. TREE's argument is thus equal to Moser's number. Therefore, my gender is no longer computable with the total time & matter available before the heat death of the universe.

#NowThatsWhatICallGender!

Remember, kids, on so many levels this is a battle between Chaotic Good and Lawful Evil. So polish your rubber jester cap twice a day, keep your itching powder dry, and don't lose your sense of the absurd due to sheer overexposure.

I just wanted to let you know: good luck, we're all counting on you. *srsly face*

But, I mean, if you can build a bot that just scavenges content from /r/creepy and posts a random image in a reply to anyone who even mentions, let alone links to, K***F**** or any of the major drama-stirrers...

...then I was never here, and we never met, and you've never heard of me. You've never heard of any tigers on Mars. You don't even know what a tiger *is*. O:)

The key is to leave them feeling like they left you: angry but w/o a clear target.

But honestly, if you can build yourself a nice bunker and wait it out instead... that also works great. They're quite capable, in my experience, of turning on each other and destroying themselves, if all their usual targets are nowhere to be found.

Good luck, kids. Aunt Rezy will be here cradling her shotgun full of willfully miscaptioned Russian animation stills and 1950s advertising clip art photoshopped with queer iconography if you need her. O:)

I'm a terrible person for saying it, but yeah. If you really truly don't want these people around, or want to strike back but don't want muck on your delicate fluffy paws... roll out the anonymous untraceable accounts and confuse the FUCK out of them with technically innocent but bewildering and vaguely sinister content.