Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

I feel like I have no remaining functional internal sensors for what's appropriate and inappropriate to say to my friends. I feel so fucking lost and paralyzed.

All I can do is blindly follow what remains of my internal compass and try to do what feels right, and I genuinely apologize if that's mostly going to be "run off and hide under the nearest rock" for a few months-- with occasional bouts of "poke my nose into places it should no longer go."

I'm sorry. About everything.

Also, I should really consider either renaming or rebranding this account. Poor Valis is NOT a load-bearing zebra.

He was only ever intended to be a cute and fluffy afterdark, when I had DRASTICALLY mis-estimated what I was going to end up using 500 characters and a mostly-furry audience for. Poor little aging clubkid has had to go all pensive for me.

Plus, I'm really feeling much more like a disillusioned, overly-Terranized mooncat than a flightly cabana zebra.

Today I feel pretty decent. Every major and immediate source of ego damage has been sealed off and concreted over, and if I can just get in one good solid day of Earth Money Human Job in, and a good start on the Red Half of Parallax, I'll be okay.

I have a reasonably uncranky dragon to pet, a few dregs of cannabis, and heart-croggling amounts of caffeine, and maybe I can make this coning week good by just STARING AT IT REAL HARD until it goes belly-up in surrender.

I definitely need some more time Under The Couch before I can consider myself recuperated and eager/able to socialize, without either second-guessing my every single move or worrying about annoying you all.

Therapy is still on the table, but it's gonna be difficult to find someone I trusted as much as my last therapist. Mostly I think I just need a couple of months with no major emotional upheavals either inflicted upon, or ineptly caused by, yours truly.

We settled our internal dispute on the Headcouncil amiably.

Noelle was packed off to a private fantasy sanitarium that I will not be giving the details of until I make a proper AD account, and she herself will probably remember no details of. :) Director H & Laika have gone off clubbing in Space Ibiza for a few weeks. Kirsch is in the basement and won't talk to us but promises good things when zie gets out.

For now, it's just Rezeya and me-as-Alba, cattin it up.

Dammit, Nibiru, get your shit together.

Frog Fractions.

You didn't specify how badly.

(today's actual dragon friendship lesson: "yes, well, but it sure doesn't help that friendship roll if you accidentally fuck up her shower." n.n;;

Today's lesson in dragon friendship:

Some days, the dragon will have so many reaction penalties that you can not possibly roll a good reaction.

This is not the dragon's fault, should not result in you being eaten, and does not reduce your XP total from befriending that particular dragon, nor your faction bonuses.

Wait a full game cycle, and pet the dragon again. There is a 70% chance per dragon per day that their reaction penalties and purr bonuses will have reset.

@green Knowing us, we should probably start talking now about when we're getting together, no matter when we actually end up getting around to it. :D This weekend is riiiight out, might be able to put together something next weekend?

There are some potential issues surrounding WHERE though, since Peg's place kinda has no furniture whatsoever. :) We could cafe hop for a day or something? Dunno where we'd ever find a cafe near the U District though. O:D

Everything is currently not on fire. :)

I'm just gonna take a huge sigh of relief, and not touch ANYTHING for a while that isn't either a video game or a snack product. :)

Still falling
Breathless on again
Inside today
Beside me today
Around
Broken in two
Till your eyes shed
Into dust
Like two strangers
Turning into dust
Till my hand shook
With the weight of fear

I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate

It was you
Breathless and torn
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
And two strangers
Turning into dust
Turning into dust

--Mazzy Star, "Into Dust"

Ugliest vote my Headcouncil has ever taken. 4-5, flipping to 5-4 at the very last count, after two of my personas leapt across the table and threatened to kill each other.

Granted, it was a tiger and a squirrel, so it could also have just been Nature At Work. :p

Oh, and the unicorn had to cast a proxy vote because she's been sedated for her own good. That's... that's a sign of good mental health, right? :O

I'm not OK, but the needed measures are being taken.

I won't go into most of my dreams from last night. They were about an ongoing and very painful interpersonal situation, and are not worth summarizing, especially for close friends who already know all the ways I suck.:p

However, I thought some of you WOULD be amused to hear about Sterling Archer getting pegged by Hyper Pam Poovey's three-foot dong. XD

actually my current self-image is something more like "big stockpile of VX nerve toxin assembled by a doomsday cult, one devoted entirely to trying to make other people care about their petty emotional shit"

this is not really anyone's problem but mine, it's just, you know, this stuff's gotta be buried somewhere, and masto's the closest to a mine shaft I got right now ;p

Just call me Carambola.

Remind me to tell you about Mitraillette sometime, too. She's gonna be a barrel of laughs.

Kinda like a cross between Louise Belcher, Bonnie Parker, and the False Maria from Metropolis.

Or maybe flavored like one of those rare Southeast Asian fruits, that tastes delicious, but contains a toxic compound that slowly impairs liver function.

"I love you, Sourpuss, but hugging you kinda makes my arms sting and every time you bounce my eyes burn for a week."

current fursona/self-image: one of Disney's Gummi Bears... with a magical dandruff curse that makes them constantly shed citric acid like a sour candy

I feel like any more words are gonna fuck everything up worse at this point, so I'm just hanging a white flag over my little fort and hiding out until further notice.

I am a little stunned but intact. If you don't know the details, that's fine, I just had a bit of an emotional shock from an interaction that I evidently botched badly. No foul, no blame, I'm just out of moves.