Rejection is preferable to being ignored. I haven't gotten anything back except automated responses. For positions that I know i'd be a good match for. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong so that I get stuffed into a waiting pool. I'd rather get told I got tossed into the trash, cause then I'd at least get validation on my self-hatred.

Which I know is a shitty thing to do to myself.

Shows how much I hate job hunting.

Updating: Apparently the universe was bored with my pity party and let me get 1 single reply email asking for my availablity for a phone screen with a technical recruiter. So, I got that going for me.

Not looking forward to all the anxiety about getting rejected after the phone screen, but at least i'll have something new to bitch about.

Updating: And I've got a phone screen tomorrow. The company isn't horrible as far as I can tell, and i'm talking directly to them instead of through a contracting agency, so improvement!

Still wish I didn't feel like such a fraud sometimes, though. Been in this game for 10 years, never lost a job because of lack of technical skills, but it's always my tech abilities that give me the most anxiety, not the social part that always bites me in the ass.

Updating: Phone screen is complete. Not my best work. Was so amped up with nervousness that I was rushing through my answers and running out of breath while i was speaking.

Kept my use of thinking syllables down, I think, so I didn't sound too inarticulate, and i think I was really able to nail appropriate and convincing answers. Made the human on the other end laugh a few times, which has worked good for me before.

Hopefully this works out. Thanks for listening.