Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

valentine is gone
here but now they're gone
with a terrible grimace and a horrible sound
he pulls the spitting high tension wires down
go go Gojira (go go Gojira)
you could be like they are (go go Gojira)
come on take my hand (go go Gojira)

and then, right when I was getting into a groove there, I got a sharp reminder that I'm NOT welcome in leftism. Serves me right eh?

* proudly waves the Ukranian flag *🏴​

no, I don't know why I'm doing a bad version of Peter Steele while singing along to the Clan of Xymox cover of "Is Vic There?" I mean their cover *is* kinda Type O-ish.

'course the weird crying jag song is POTUSA's "Kitty" cause it reminds me of her. I know 12 years is a hell of a long time not to be over a cat, but she mattered to me.

all the things that I have left to lose will someday be gone too
back into annihilation
all things must change, maybe it's better off that way
I wish that you'd stay with me
how lucky I ever was to see
the way that you smiled at me
your little moon face shining bright at me
one day soon there'll be nothing left of you and me
two coffins for sleep
two coffins for sleep

she comforts me when
the candles blow out
the cake has grown mold but the memories are sweet
the laughter's all gone but the memories are mine
the Mexican princess is out of my life.

she lives by the wall
and waits by the door
she walks in the sun to me

Let's listen to really sad Stone Temple Pilots and possibly cry as an attempt at catharsis.

nothing matters again
I didn't think it'd last this long
but I'm just sitting on this merry go round
and the music is too loud.

homesickness for 1990s vintage Ann Arbor in 3... 2... 1.

Jai guru deva om
nothing's gonna change my world
nothing's gonna change my world

#drawings from Tuesday which I forgot to post, plus one from today.

Getting kicked out of the Games Workshop store for saying Salamanders are “just paintin’ orks fer berks what likes ‘umies, then.”

listening to the Interview with the Vampire soundtrack

there is naught in the eternal night but thine shitty club drama

curses upon this undead state in which there is no warmth, no solace except for catting at your exes FOR CENTURIES

alas, I must spend a blood point to power 3 dots in Protean!

really not digging how Clip Studio rearranged the interface lately? Maybe this happened a while back and because it takes me time to notice stuff like this, I just ran into it.

Who thinks artists don't need the color wheel open as a default?

* blasts Garmarna's "Vander och Frander" *
* carves a NAUTHIZ rune into coffee cup *
* slams coffee cup on table while chanting "DAMMSUGARE! DAMMSUGARE!" *

https://youtu.be/6Rqe7mhSYIY?si=HtBp7-_u1QOdv7X3

hee hee hee hee, CHRISTMASTIME!

#drawings from earlier today

Nightmare Before Christmas/Thirteenth Warrior: Jack Skellington, disaffected by how Halloween seems the same every year, travels to a Scandinavian wonderland of jotnar, vargar and shattered mead-halls, and returns home thinking the meaning of Thors-blot is just severed heads and scorn-poles. Whoops

Years ago, I was stuck in the checkout line at Grocery Outlet in downtown Oakland, and all the magazines made me HATE humanity, and I made my peace with it by thinking;

rather than this reflecting that 98% of my fellows are this awful, maybe it's only 25-40% because that's the best you can predict and all you need to keep going selling magazines.

I am now thinking about this in the PTSD/childhood context. You won't find Model Railroader or Narrow Gauge and Shortline Gazette in the Grocery Outlet check out. You will PROBABLY find them at Barnes and Noble. You will DEFINITELY find them at a railway museum gift shop. Not all places have the same chance of a rule being true.

I am also thinking about this with unemployment, and personal success etc. I grew up with this huge personal responsibility put on me - but I know life is full of randomness. Rather than my (sometimes lacking) intelligence, drive, skills and adaptability granting me a 98-100% chance of success (where if I fail, it is obviously my fault), even a version of me that's able to push has a 25-40% chance of success.

But on the flip side, someone else being "better" than me, chosen to receive whatever over me? What if that chance is *also* a 25%-40% deal of their intelligence, skills, and (you knew this, coming out of my background, was going to surface) better looks/more extroversion? There's a lot of employer decision making which is opaque to me - internal candidates might surface or have always been preferred, interns might do the job for cheaper, reqs can get cancelled, snap decisions could be made or forced. A lot of different reasons I might lose out and so might someone who is a legitimately better applicant.

I'm split between whether since I'm *not* Black, I shouldn't think about the subtler grinding ongoing forms of anti-Blackness;

*or* how, since I'm Jewish and therefore not a minority with nothing to complain about, I should actually look to others' marginalized experiences for cues on what might be dinging me in *my* subconscious.

It's weird how the Asian-American experience is the EXACT opposite of the Jewish-American experience. America wants Asians to remain foreign and separate; you could be as whitebread as the average Iowan with family who got here in the mid 1800s, but you'll be treated like you just stepped off the plane. By comparison Jews can't be assimilated and branded invisible whites fast enough (and then it gets turned on us for being evil infiltrators).

And it's wild how African-American experience is both yet NEITHER of these. Black people were supposed to be apart and yet not have a culture of their own and, when they kitbashed one, Black culture was another commodity.