Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Work ended early, which despite my paranoia I am trying to assume means "it's a really slow Monday" rather than "you're a completely inept moron, we want you out." I am having a "high functioning" day so I'm aware things look really bleak despite what might actually be going on, I've been pushing back suicidal ideation all day, and "I have no future and should just do it" is rattling around my head right up there with "should I roast or sautee these squashes as dinner?"

In theory I know poor sleep, possibly poor air quality, missing half a weekend and a legitimately difficult job in places is stacking up to feeling this bad but, even the most sound deconstruction of my bad mood doesn’t quite resolve the bad mood (sleep, praise especially from coworkers, or going off shift would).

I wish I could get to die and never fuck up anything again. This sentiment is probably just sleep dep though.

it's being another night of really poor sleep.

late night internet browsing sudden desire to paint smaller scale AFV models

the time of the night when being awake means you've either got acid reflux or Australian citizenship and, sadly, I'm not an Aussie.

#drawings today, I have no clue where my ability to draw went. Three space elves in a ruined future city, and three pinup girls. oWo notices your voulge.

also in used bookstore news, this is the first time I specifically bought a TTRPG I already own to have an extra copy to lend players. I feel bad about spending $13 on something I already own BUT it's literally my favorite, it's OOP, and reprints don't seem available either.

I really should NOT spend more on used books but I have a weird fondness for this one plane I used to work on. (For a change this is not actually P51s!)

Had a memory come back last night, also I’m finding myself angry about how being rooted in genocide and religious abuse in childhood gets associated with so much stuff I hate as an adult. There’s also been something that requires the fire department, on the other side of my complex. I’m not that messed up rn but I’m not doing great.

Gotta remember that well meaning religious sounding words are a lot more agreeable when G-d isn't an angry blond adult whom everyone likes and is supposed to like, and *is* instead "a series of concepts such as hope, acceptance, and *acting* out of love."

it's always I wish I were a pretty girl o'clock somewhere in the world, innit?

so as a back story, my parents moved after I essentially moved out, and consequently they trashed or sold nearly everything from my life. I thought only two boxes of material had survived, but my Dad found three more and I swiped some books and magazines I haven't seen in decades.

it's really weird listening to patriotic music from WWII these days.

The red green white blue yellow stripes of the pickle-eating Pride flag are based on the national flags of countries with a healthy regard for pickles. Frequently you will see this Pride flag used in tandem with the pink blue white trans Pride flag.

Suggested that you could serve PSLs like a kind of marguerita, with briown sugar on the cup rim and a wedge of miniature pumpkin

Dune™️​ Madlibs™️​! Now the greatest science fiction epic ever written is America's funnest game! Lessee. "'Stop,' she said. 'I hold at your [body part] the [Arabic noun].'"

from the same great company that brought you Anna Karenina™️​ Madlibs™️​, Bram Stoker's Dracula™️​ Madlibs™️, and of course, Right Wing Political Argument™️​ Madlibs™️.

this thought brought to you by how "Zen Flesh, Zen Bones A Collection of Zen and Pre Zen Writings" is the paperback currently next to the toilet, in case I spend a lot of time being one with the void

two monks were having an argument about crapping. The first monk said "This morning's unusually spicy cold noodles are moving." The second said "Wind is moving." A third monk, happening along, offered "Mind is moving."

so if a three-legged vessel is a *ting*

and Buddhism came to China sometime in the Han dynasty, centuries before Chuan came into existence, but most people know that philosophy as Zen

that means any three legged predynastic bronze vessel is a PRE ZEN TING.