Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Today’s being a shit self worth day; having an assignment end after running into a batch of issues, failing a battery of (I don’t feel, entirely fair) tests right before a birthday (and these are almost never good) will do that.

Alpha boy school - Boys don't cry (ska cover) https://youtu.be/u0lrDDx5Z1s via @YouTube

pickitup pickitup pickitup

omg someone managed to make Just Like Heaven even HAPPIER.

The Cure "Just Like Heaven" - Nightmare Ska Remix https://youtu.be/7rCtalWOWvk via @YouTube

#drawngs today, worked up some analog inks - ranger with cacomistle companion stalks a troll, and a burly barbarian fights a jackalwere somewhere in the wilderness mapped out by a comfortable halfling. And pencilled a paladin fighting demons!

What are chances that the last assignment felt fairly toxic to me and the poor moods I’ve been in recently reflect no longer having to hold it together?

Again; the reason I made it through college debt free was afaik a legal settlement (and the setup being a bit less predatory). So I view college costing equivalent to nearly dying, being badly traumatized, and relearning to use my hand. I feel like nobody should have to live with that translated to debt when they’re just starting out you know? I hate that we’re governed by this dead weight who think this is a great situation to continue.

Oh no, it’s the Gay National Anthem! I cannot resist!
*grinds hips to Sweet Dreams are Made of These*
* in the used bookstore *

man I really wish I had a cute fursona that everyone wanted to draw repeatedly, including myself

related; I wish I drew my fursona in all sorts of comforting happy situations

* draws elf rangers fighting huge chasme fly demons etc *

"yes but what's in your pants?"
"pants."
"yes but what are in those pants?"
"another pair of pants."
*starting to sound increasingly worry about the apparent pantception*
"and below that pair?"
"yet even more pants."

put in for jobs, but not as many as yesterday, did not help that I reset my Adecco password and their site promptly went down for maintenance, which took the wind out of my sails. Gotta pry myself out of chair and head home for breakfast.

so using that logic if you were to combine jeans and ranch dressing you'd get DENCH, actually a British actress.

woke up on lockdown one more time
my visions won't ever learn
but I see the light so much clearer
every time I return
forge my armour in the old fire
my spirit sings loud and clear,
even in here;
I'll be reborn, someday, someday,
if I wait long enough.
I don't HAVE to be afraid. I don't WANT to be afraid.
And you can't tell me what my spirit tells me isn't true, can you?

I live cement
I HATE THIS STREET
give dirt to me
I bite lament
this human form
where I was born
I now repent

we walk on two legs not on four
to walk on four legs breaks the law
what happens when we break the law?
what happens when the rules aren't fair?
we all know where we go from there!

animals came from miles around!
tired of livin' so close to the ground,
they needed a change, that's what they said,
"life is better walking on two legs!"
But they were in for a big surprise, 'cause they didn't know the law. AND THEN!
#WhoMakesTheRules #SomeoneElse

reminded again that I grew up in the shitty Georgia which was LITERALLY COTERMINOUS with the ridiculously awesome Georgia. Somehow I managed to completely miss out on nearly everything that kicked ass about home at the time.

Admittedly my parents basically kept me under house arrest because their convenience was more important than me actually figuring out who I was or how to do adulthood, but what might I have wandered into?

and the train conductor says
take a break, driver 8
driver 8, take a break,
we can reach our destination,
but we're still a ways away, but we're still a ways away

(And just life means things are going to go south at some point.) it’s just trained response; for comparison, if right now you handed me a mask, foil and jacket, my movements would be what my maitre d’armes trained me to do years ago too, and remember he trained me for a lot less time and in safer conditions than I was trained to be self-critical/self-loathing.

Today’s little twinges of self hate. There’s a really short distance between “I honestly wish these things were different about my body and mind” plus “I wish I were what these people want so I could be safe” and “what I am is completely unsympathetic, unlikable, worthless and awful.” And unfortunately if someone has actively told you “what you are is completely unsympathetic, unlikable, worthless and awful” it’s damn hard to think otherwise when anything goes south…