Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

just another night of scanning art, and blasting Queen's soundtrack for Flash Gordon

#OnwardsMyBraveHawkEnbies

tfw you listen to Der Fuehrer's Face, not because it's topical or anything like that, but because you just listened to King Tut, and it was the next song on the Doctor Demento album you played several million times.

Do you ever resent your favorite hobby for being all you seem to do with your life anymore?

You know what would be awesome which I can’t have?

Fucking crepes, that’s what. Well okay and an efficiency apartment and weird sex with giant orca women and socialized medicine, but I didn’t go by an aquarium, a functioning government or affordable housing, I did go by a creperie.

Crepes would be awesome.

Copying @green @kelseyhusky @KawaSeadrake, transition goals;

* leave the Bay Area, never come back
* draw a shitton, hopefully for a livelihood
* stop caring about my popularity in furry fandom
* easily step back from suicidal ideation when it happens
* get back into fencing, weightlifting, swimming, gong fu, capoeira. Maybe even all of them.
* live by myself or have a more comfortable relationship with housemates
* live with a cat again
* maybe even date people and have sex in meatspace again

This is my jaeger, Mike November.

I mean Papa Quebec.

Today’s super slow and unlike earlier I’m not fighting off a dismal mood. So I tightened up two #drawings from a week plus back as part of going through this month’s sketchpad, looking for little tweaks and changes to make better composition - literally a few lines here and there.
https://awoo.space/media/Dj-16fvwxPQiqMSVGBA
https://awoo.space/media/JvQTku9bM7NSzOQAR5Q

Do you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain?

Do you like George Wendt?

Would you like to see George Wendt drinking pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Other people in furry;

I like horses because they have huge flared wangs.

Me;

I identify with horses b/c their digestive systems aren’t very efficient, and they’re strong, smart and brave until they completely panic at something they’ve probably seen dozens of times before.

a) oh yeah I'm a filthy puppy, master

b) spicy Italian with banana peppers and jalapenos

c) *Soviet anthem* for an instant I thought I heard singing

d) other (pls comment)

oh gah

so I started watching a YouTube tutorial about Why Your Drawings Suck.

I take a break to hang up laundry while playing I Bet You They Won't Play this Song On the Radio. Followed up by Negativland's U2, with the late great Casey Kasem's epic coprolalia.

Okay fine, so let's finish Why Your Drawings Suck aaaand she's all THIS IS BULLSHIT and I'm totally losing it.

so you can't say [redacted] on the radio
or [redacted], [redacted] or [redacted]
you can't even say I'd like to [redacted] you someday
unless you're a doctor with a very large [redacted]

oh yeah muffins
with butter
oh boy

did a batch of dishes, scanned in stuff for three different customers, started laundry, now really feeling like my drawings aren't very good and feeling weepy.

#drawings finished today (one started!), cw for nudity and WWII.
https://awoo.space/media/yKx9UxyIZpZpbYJ3f8E
https://awoo.space/media/OQF8YWp7eLMyMk0hbIY
https://awoo.space/media/fEjiXIiB9f_7bVRKCtg

Courage the Cowardly Dog/Steven Universe fanfic.

I mean “strange things happen in Beach City,” there’s a prominent pink character who contains extraplanar storage space, etc...

I ALSO can tuck in my head, that until I was 18 NOTHING was actionable. My self hate is in part a coping mechanism to explain and protect me in a world without choice. And there’s a feedback loop of lack of autonomy <=> low self worth thanks to that familiarity, such that when I feel stuck, trapped and treading water, any reason to beat myself up is amplified, and when I beat myself up, I’m more likely to feel trapped, stuck and treading water.

Trying hard to keep my internal dialogue to a more actionable “there are solid reasons I feel bad, and some of them I can hack,” rather than “I’m innately worthless stupid shit, everyone would’ve been better off had I died at 5 or in my teens, people are right to dislike me.”

This is hard to do, if for no reason other than lack of practice.

Binary gender is when two genders orbit around a shared center of mass.