Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I hate those little mental twinges of mixed fear and self loathing, where my brain decides right now is a fine and useful time to feel that it’s too late for me to become a romantic/sexual partner or artist, a valued non-art employee, or even to hope for a better housing situation.

Aside from familiarity, possibly numbing emotions when I feel stuck, or providing justification for treating myself to things I want, what good is this?

There is a lot of content out there and not all of it is traumatic. Like yeah, I’ll CW current politics stuff because everyone hates the situation (that’s why I’m posting about it!) but I also like the option of just giving people more choices about reading further. Not everyone likes D&D as much as I do, f’rex.

Not that I’m great at using this but I’m trying to do better.

So let me get it straight, Starbucks near the college now has fewer seats and outlets, and you have to sign yourself up to get emailed promotions to use their WiFi, and somehow I’m supposed to parse this as an improvement?

*goes back to bubbling pit of self-loathing while waiting in ginormous line*

well on the one hand there's this huge worry that I fucked up and am a terrible person, but on the other I think I really internalized more composition today.

Look! It is a meme!

Therefore the power of seeking connection while feeling isolated compels me to do it!

someone who only occasionally has a quadruped lower half as a hobby, or an ama-taur

as opposed to someone whose films all feature creatures with a humanoid upper half joined to a quadruped lower half, or au-taur

which shouldn't be confused with an anthro-otter upper half and most of an otter as the lower bits, or ot-taur.

Capitalism is so exceptionally good at dismantling every possible benefit you could get out of capitalism.

me at the game store: love how each 5e book is $50+ cause everyone who plays D&D has a tech sector salary where that’s chump change right? Fuck y’all

also me at the game store: my favorite painter from the Plane of Elemental Earth, Anders Xorn hur hur hur

Again;

Tired; singing the Weird Al lyrics to “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

Wired; singing the Nirvana lyrics to “Smells Like Nirvana.”

Inspired; turning Weird Al off after “Smells Like Nirvana” and singing the next tracks on Nevermind from memory.

Emotionally kinda crashing again. Maybe just circadian rhythm stuff.

Hey, I could test my DNA for cheaper and see if my suspicions about my ancestry are true, and I win the oh so coveted right to get a triangle *and* a Z on my forearm when they throw me in a camp.

Ever considered how many eggs you eat if you have french toast *and* eggs?

Break from art for customers, at a diner. I’m wearing my “Tosche Station, best selection under the suns” shirt, I have Dark Crystal and Storyteller comics to read, I was listening to Weird Al on the way here, and I suspect I may have fallen into some horribly stereotypical pop culture hole.

DON'T GET STRUNG OUT BY THE WAY I LOOK,
DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!
I'M NOT MUCH OF A MAN BY THE LIGHT OF DAY
BUT BY NIGHT I'M ONE HELL OF A LOVER!

I can't believe that I know cis women with dyed hair.

me, listening to The Sword;

By this AXE do I rule! Come, dogs, I was a man before I was a king!

me, literally two minutes later, looking at cat photos;

omg omg omg 💙​

Okay, so I really blocked out my revisions, checked email to try getting details about the other commission I was going to work on, and it turned out I got emailed by the indy RPG customer who uses me repeatedly, so I took a break to do thumbnails and a little research for the stuff they want to commission.

I think I'm going to pause working on commission 2 to tighten up the current really really rough drawings, then break for the day.

Have a snack and coffee, plan is to drive to favorite coffee shop, draw for customers, break as needed to nearby park or comic shop.

And all this time that I'm thinking that I should either go back to sleep or shower and start work on commission stuff, trying not to get into a bad spiral about how pathetic and futureless I am, and hero-worship for Yoh Yoshinari.

Did I mention that I'm easily distracted into feeling terrible about an ex-girlfriend, distracted by anything cute animal photos online, that random memories came back today?

And that I've been kinda horny?

So my thoughts and emotions are ALL OVER THE MAP.