Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Why would someone write "trans Steven Universe fanfic"? Isn't that just "Steven Universe fanfic"?

Wish I could just hold onto someone's hand a bit. This depression/anxiety/fear of rejection/stomach upset is pretty crummy.

Okay, is there something weird going on with my account, or this instance?

(I'm not seeing posts on home more recent than 7 hours ago)

Today’s #drawings while fighting terrible depression, trying to figure out motorcycles and architecture from models with varying success.

guess who spent an hour+ talking to recruiters, filling out paperwork and prepping for interviews on what was going to be a day completely away from job hunting?

LinkedIn, it's the business world's equivalent to furries deciding you needed an Flist to talk to people in the same fandom.

Made myself shower, shave, get out of the house for groceries and breakfast. Since my body image is currently in the pot right now, I figured I’d share a selfie and eh, maybe I’m not hideous.

Really don't feel comfortable with the "I don't feel like moving or showering or making things" variety of depression.

A substantial amount of my upset lately basically comes down to "I wish I could have a do-over of my 20s with more optimism, artistic confidence, and self-worth." Pretty stereotypical eh?

The self hate's not good this morning. I've been trying to take it slow and to actually not check job hunt email or do job hunt calls. And on cue, here comes the weepiness.

I'm thinking even though it's money, of getting myself a really good breakfast later, either diner food or go to a favorite Chinese place for a lunch special.

ugh, I'm awake again. I probably should make myself get up and leave the house, but I boiled water for tea as a self-soothing thing and feel like I really should use some of it.

1. Five current favorite songs;

"Talisman," All Them Witches, https://youtu.be/-jWL2FYuTWA

"Ravens," Patti Smith
https://youtu.be/3mmC76nc0lw

"Halfway There," Soundgarden
https://youtu.be/WzDzGK-RAPg

"The Chain," Fleetwood Mac
https://youtu.be/JDG2m5hN1vo

"Coyotes," Modest Mouse
https://youtu.be/BTr8mOlK8B0

2. Most played songs on iTunes;

probably "Provision L-3," Against Me
https://youtu.be/C8bvKYp_LlQ

woo hoo I have insomnia so it's MEME TIME! Borrowed from @eris@glitch.social . One like or comment equals an answer. Heck, maybe two answers!

G'night Mastodon. Dream of wonders, and wake to learning and making cool shit.

*sigh*

throttle back. I know nothing about these people; but I was indoctrinated that getting it on was a measure of deeply personal worth; that life was for other people not me; not only do I see everything in my own life in incredible detail, but I was indoctrinated to dismiss everything I get right. And part of this is fatigue, so I should probably actually sleep to feel better.

I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the dharma. I take refuge in the sangha.

I am pretty damn sure self-hate and little spikes of gender dysphoria are not what I was supposed to get out of fursuit sex videos. The sane answer is don't go looking for those, but my self-preservation instincts could be a lot better.

I see videos of people fucking in fursuits at cons and they're having an exciting life, and me? I'm aging, poor, anxious, angry, and I don't know if I'd be good playing with anyone in meatspace if it happened.

Some part of me says "yeah, but you're learning how to be a better human being; you're constantly becoming a better artist from having all your childhood artmaking stopped cold," and another part of me says, "that counts for exactly nothing, you pathetic ugly garbage."

Which sounds like a standard level development thing - or is it?

In *theory* a standard D&D game starts with say, fighting goblins and ends on completely goofy, fighting rebellious demon lords in the heart of a living colossus. But it feels like D&D codes acceptance that it's gonna eventually be that extra, compared to "winter's unusually harsh when we need to get sheep to market WHOA SUDDENLY PLANAR RIFT."

In any sort of game, is such a tone shift actually welcome if not initially signaled?

Listening to the Incredibles soundtrack makes me wonder if anyone would go for a espionage themed game.

Specifically I'd wonder about starting out with really fairly down to earth missions (eg; someone launches an assassination attempt on the person the PCs are merely shadowing; a routine info drop gets messed up when an informant is hospitalized and the hospital has the briefcase they were supposed to drop) and then develop into all-out goofy ass Bond shit, satellites and volcano bases etc.

More vehicle #drawings from earlier today. Some stuff is finally falling into place and I’m glad!

FATHER! THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED! *air guitars theme*