Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I’m very lucky to be in forest to think; there’s nothing to distract other than walking.

I haven’t had a full day off work other than weekends since New Years; I’ve had four days off other than weekends since mid-September, I’m burned out on this. I want to swap jobs, I want to move somewhere cheaper and ideally I want to return to WFH but my job eats time and energy. I’m unsure where “I’m doing things I like and getting relatively affordable treats to stave off depression” becomes counterproductive.

Just a lot of thinking today. I’m getting much better spotting how my perception of elitism, disaster, lack of a future, and deep rooted personal flaws are old baggage from childhood, but I’m not yet good at working with the parts that are signal rather than noise. Similarly I’ve been saving money, but I’m so used to disasters which eat savings and work eating my life, I’m not spending money on useful self maintenance from getting my teeth cleaned to planning actual vacation.

“WHO AWAITS HER ON EXEGOL WHERE HE’S A STITCHED TOGETHER FRANKENSITH IN A LIFE SUPPORT CRANE ON THE WALL OF A GREAT SITH CATHEDRAL AND ALSO HE COMMANDS A FLEET OF STAR DESTROYERS EACH WITH A PLANETARY LASER BRaaaaaaap!”
*rubs forehead* “Sure Danny. That sounds good.”

It’s actually a 12-14 year old trying to write Reylo fanfic with interjections from babysitting an 8-10 year old brother sugared up on Mountain Dew.
“So after Rey duels the evil yet darkly romantic Kylo Ren”
“AMONG THE TWISTED LABYRINTH OF THE RUINED DEATH STAR HALF SUBMERGED IN A RAGING SEA!”
“she returns to Acht To in despair about her ties to the dark side and the looming destiny of her grandfather, Sheve Palpatine…”

This is when I again mention my favorite part of Ravenloft is the lore that death knights - warriors who weren’t necessarily musical in life, now hissing sibilants through mummified lips in elaborate war helms - sing their tragic fall from grace every full moon. I imagine it sounds like; MMMPPH MMNM NBNHFFTH ssss ssss sss MMMPH!

So after watching a whole batch of “Orcs with normal voices” videos I realized; maggots don’t live on bread, but orcs are shown using “maggot” for their underlings. It’s not that orc rations are semi rotten, it’s that PJ’s orcs are kinda obsessively carnivorous.

bleah. I guess it makes sense that my utterly crummy past shows up in my cynicism and weird hangups, but I'm still not entirely comfortable with that.

Wow. If I had doubts that I was being lied to before, they just vanished.

"Aha" I thought, "a can of chili is about the right size for a late night snack, with some protein" and then I noticed all my canned chili is like "extra hot serrano-jalapeno blend" or otherwise likely to be a TERRIBLE idea anywhere near bedtime.

seriously thinking of making grits.

I don't think it's much of a spoiler that this song sadly does not appear in "The Northman." Ahem.

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK
BESERKIR
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING FUCK
BESERKIR

THE BESERKIR IS JUST SO OBSCENE
LIKES EVIL PEOPLE Y'KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

there's this weird tonal dissonance to the whole thing, like half of the research involved visiting the ship museum in Oslo and talking to curators and the other half the research involved reading a batch of Llewellyn books while listening to Wardruna albums.

I’m waiting for the explosion of angry Asatru opinions/a wave of rightwing jerks dead sure this movie accurately portrayed Norse paganism.

Also I don’t want to spoiler the film but I desperately want to kvell about THE AWESOMEST!!!1! part of this movie. Like after that part the remainder was kind of a nice extra, I got what I came for.

Coffee and pastry from Larsen’s after The Northman. #fika

Things I learned from “The Northman”;
* armor really doesn’t do you any good, drop yer pants right now
* hallucinogenic mushrooms are all over the place
* so are insane priests of the old man handing out cryptic prophecies

#drawings are working large today. Three furry pinups with dragonborn portraits to fill the page, and a page of Shadowrunners revised from a previous drawing but not really refined. CW for nudity, firearms.

Shit I’m sad about today;
* cats
* Robin Williams being dead
* aging into what looks like a really crummy future
* wondering if I’ll ever see some Bay Area friends again
* mass extinctions

“Listen, and understand. That germinator is out there. It doesn’t kayak, it doesn’t model the Soo Line in HO scale, it’s got no interest in Middle Eastern cooking. And it will not stop - EVER! - until your garden is healthy, flourishing and looking great.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger is... THE GERMINATOR! An agricultural robot from the future, he's been sent back in time to irrigate crops! And yes, I know he's Austrian not Germin.