Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

What really supports this for me are fairly detailed memories of stuff with my friends Peter or Ryan, Russian class, stuff at gaming club meetings or gaming, and some fencing. All times and places when I wasn’t feeling controlled, watched, and susceptible to attack.

Just this big cloud of hypervigilance because I was in the same places with the same people, without enough food, sometimes without enough sleep, and just stuck/trapped/treading water in ways which would have created CPTSD if they hadn’t plugged right into the PTSD I had from the accident, AND with ethnic and Reagan Era trauma running constantly in the background. None of these experiences really have anything valid to say about my intelligence, looks, or capabilities.

I’ve been realizing just how much all the negativity is basically an artifact I could not avoid. Paul Ekman proposes an emotional refractory period based on frequency and intensity of experiences and until I got out there were no breaks. I’d go from actual abuse to merely routine criticism, isolation, or routine anger from my parents, without being to differentiate or depersonalize it because I literally did not have processing time or much positive input.

Turns out the Paul McCartney song The Beatles didn’t perform was “Tip of my Tongue,” which they didn’t think quite worked for them and got played by other groups, rather than something like “I’m the Beatles’ Best Drummer and Also Lyricist.”

Someone on the radio was talking about their friend’s last words (nicer Beatles lyrics). I thought; if I didn’t know what my last words should be, what sort of incoherent gunk would I be giggling about? And then I thought; if I’m *lucky*, the shema will be hilarious anyway, because then I’ll see the funniest jokes ever and I won’t feel fear anymore. Comforting. This is assuming I don’t go in a puff of smoke because someone decided to press a button or I choke on my own lungs or w/e.

re last boost; huh huh huh that's COOL. Skulls are cool.

#drawings today, a bugbear hits an adventurer in the noggin with her warhammer, and a wizard uses his magic staff to ward off the breath attack of an abyssal dragon.

A cheese packaging machine in action at the Tillamook factory!

Gun emplacements and bunkers at Fort Columbia, at the mouth of the river. These were dismantled in 1918 after it was pretty clear that warships and airplanes were too agile for these older model cannons.

More photos from going over the mountains.

The coast from the road by it, going over the mountains to the coast.

I would like to nap, draw, and maybe buy kale to cook later. That’s “nap, draw, and maybe buy kale,” not “talk to our customers.”

Oh yeah also re Trinity’s comment about “the Oracle told me I would fall in love with a dead man.” Ahem;

WELL HOW COULD I NOT HAVE GUESSED
SHE WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH THE FIRST BOY SHE KISSED IN A CASKET!
#TheMatrix #AgainstMe

Ah we’re not actually in Clitoris, OR. We’re in Catscannie, OR.

Oh yeah the free floating parking garage of THE FUTURE full of great ideas!

Baseball cap idea MAKE AMERICA FEAR FISH AGAIN

My favorite go to group for car parts and folk music, Pick and Pull and Mary

@ElectricKeet @baxil mlp fursuits; https://twitter.com/g5mlp/status/1591134469464854528?s=46&t=rztcmrdSxiv6oFPnGfrhfA

ALTHOUGH YOU TRY TO DISCREDIT YOU’LL STILL NEVER EDIT
THE NEEDLE I’LL THREAD IT RADICALLY POETIC
STANDING WITH THE FURY THAT THEY HAD IN ‘66
AND LIKE E DOUBLE I’M MAD STILL KNEE DEEP IN THE SYSTEM’S SHIT
HOOVER HE WAS A BODY REMOVER
I’LL GIVE YOU A DOSE BUT IT CAN NEVER COME CLOSE
TO THE RAGE BUILT UP INSIDE OF ME
FIST IN THE AIR IN THE LAND OF HYPOCRISY