Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Little twinges of intense despair and self hate, about how I’m basically treading water waiting to die, assure me that taking the day off was a well informed decision.

Sleep and then I think I'll get actually good Chinese as breakfast. Self-hate - and anger at others - has been screaming at me all day.

I wish I were pretty and smart and young and had something like a fucking future.

Called agency, texted supervisor. May try to get an actually really good lunch, or catch a movie, later. Definitely going to sleep a batch, definitely going to draw.

Yeah. Having little bouts of really terrible self-hate make me feel like it'd take little set off a massive depressive spiral. I know I really really want a day off, since Saturday doesn't look very fun from here. And I know if I go "okay well I'll see if I'm feeling up to it" a chance I'll make myself go in. So I think if I'm going to decide to take today off, I should do so now.

Looking at FA feels terrible again, still. How can I feel this bad about everything related to posting art, and yet want to draw?

Really thinking about taking tomorrow as a mental health day.

everything is putting me in a foul mood right now and I worked very hard trying to pull myself out of a foul mood earlier.

FIND A NEW LIFE IN THE OFFWORLD COLONIES

*rain*
*dirigible*

dear YouTube,

PLEASE STOP FUCKING COLLABORATING WITH MY COUNTRY'S ENEMIES

why do we always come here, it leaves us quite perplexed
that we spend so much effort
in hopes of kinky sex, bum bum bum bum 🎶​

it's time to be repellent on the Muppet Show tonight, bum bum bum bum 🎶​

so I returned email from a couple of recruiters, expressing interest, explaining my experience and including resumes and yet I'm SO DONE now. Drawing li'l animal heads for practice.

I’ve always wanted to run a DnD adventure with;

* escaping an astral fortress being fought over by githyanki and githzerai

* roadtripping through the Nine Hells (possibly boating down the Styx)

Answers I’ve gotten to this are either not just one but a selection of related toys; or diy stuff. This makes me think *my* initial thinking was way too limited!

I’m also now noticing that I’ve felt rejected by a good friend (despite them being glad to see me when we hung out at FC and then later in February) and an online friend (where I know they stopped hanging around much thanks to depression) for the last 2 months, and that’s part of why I’ve been this low lately.

Your coyote girlfriend is trying to not spiral into a worse shit mood again and just wants to sleep and draw stuff. Breakfast time!

I wish I were AFAB and pretty and had been encouraged towards music or visual arts from childhood. I am, however, none of those things, and right now is one of those so-frequent little downswings. It’ll pass. It’ll pass.

Okay #TMITuesday open question; what sort of sex toy would you buy if money weren’t an issue? (Can include things like “a bondage swing“ but not “a house with support beams solid enough to carry a bondage swing”).

I wish I could spin a drippingly elaborate description of what I want, complete with discussion of masks, Cerebus/Pegasus sheaths, and other things I can’t afford, also assuming I wouldn’t mess up at all;

and you would say pretty encouraging things about how hot that is, or about me;

but tbh my coworker just told me about a mistake I made with their usual delicacy and I’m feeling tired and innately flawed

so please say something complimentary or hot anyway, eh?