Adept (Magenta Forge) @MagentaForge@awoo.space

Adept's questioning everything and deconstructing her woo system again? Must be Thursday.

TFW you find yourself baking fish for ritual because otters.

@indi How did things go, 'yote friend? 💜

I've been toying with the idea of either asking my Magister and possibly a few select practitioners in our community to give me assignments, or assigning myself them, in the form of formal study and reporting. Part of learning has been learning that something's only 'wrong' if it doesn't work for me; this, I suspect, may work for me.

I've decided to task myself with a written report on the history of tarot, as an experiment with this vehicle of study. Two pages, end of month.

@emanate
Aww, Em! That's really sweet, and just what I needed to hear.
Thank you 💙💜💙

Something becoming more clear to me is how themes and narratives resonate in other people's systems. Some of the best systems I've seen at work do this:

One is about relationships to the world around them, and being grateful.

One is about guardianship, being a den mother, a protector.

One of them is about transformation and self actualization.

One of them is about sacrifice, a calling, necessity.

Chewing on these thoughts. Trying to figure out what my story is.

That said, after the scare I had recently, it became a marker of a new period of deconstruction and re-examination.

Part of this involved purging everything and going back to first principles. Reassert the handrails.

After a few hours, one aspect of my internal work did come back. I haven't talked about my character 'Selena' yet, but suffice to say, she came swimming back. I'm very glad.

We'll rebuild, with a better eye on underlying values.

All is well 💙

I tear down, I rebuild, I tear down, I rebuild again.

I've avoided talking about some of the internal work I've been doing just because it's seen so much flux, and also because I know tulpamantic / character-based internal work tends to be irritating to read from the outside.

"Who is this person and why should I care," etc, and a sense of "I hope this person talking about other selves is approaching this from a healthy angle, and not a devil-made-me-do-it one."

I've had a conversation with my teacher about these things. Mood considerably stabilised, and it's given way to deeper and more thoughtful foundational work.

@MagentaForge
A little calmer now. Still awake. More foundational work needs to be done. Boundaries need to be set.

First crisis of faith encountered. Worried that I came too close to violating fundamental beliefs late yesterday. Upset. Scared. Can't bring myself to sleep. This close to pitching everything, just to be safe. Know that's not a rational response. Going to try to sleep in the observatory instead.

Spent a good chunk of today talking woo and ritual work, and excited to keep building on my practice. :>

Currently, my system doesn't really have much in a cosmological 'this is how the world works' sense. I've been taking a very utilitarian approach to things, I've noticed. Tools for self-reflection, tools for entering states of mind, symbols I find meaningful with no strong links between them; use of character roleplay and states of mind to help me in my day to day.

Still feeling the need to assert that I know where the handrails are occasionally. Wonder if that's normal for this stage.

@IceWeasel
Still curious to hear about your practice :>

Hey, does anyone do cartomancy out there? Especially with classical tarot decks? I'd be interested in chatting about stuff!

My Work notebook has started to take on the smell of the incense. It /smells/ like magic. 💙

@literorrery @emanate
I'd love to talk with you about it sometime actually 💙

Having a hard time today feeling like I fit in with the woo community here. Feel like I'm surrounded by True Believers, and I'm just like... coming at stuff from a psychological and social angle?

Intellectually I know this is not the case, but emotionally...

IDK. I should hammer this out with Roque.

It feels good to get some of these old circuits back online. 💖