Always tooting for th'antihero @Momentrabbit@awoo.space

"I'm in debugging mode."

1. Explanation of seeming nonsequitur response to console inquiry as stack is cleared, ie:

"How's the pizza today?"
"...it could be the beam bender if the gas *is* pure, so I should check for condensation on the mirror before I do further disassembly."
"... that good, huh."
"Mmm? Oh. Sorry, I'm in debug mode. Uhm. Pizza's good!"

2. Statement of mood, ie:

"How do you feel?"
"I'm in debug mode."
"...that good, huh."

https://twitter.com/DSilvermint/status/1093721980329574409?s=20

Did... did anyone survive? XD

Remember when we'd bounce ideas off each other and follow where they went, world-building and character-designing and history-editing and skill-forging, bad puns and worse innuendo and obscure media references and little bursts of things one of us was excited to share with the other because now those facts could live in two heads instead of just the one...

I miss that. I still miss that, and I still miss you.

I know. It's okay. Time's past.

I enjoyed those times with you. Thank you for them.

tldr:
not great
still here

longer version:
resources extremely limited
depth of year-end burnout was perhaps deeper than realized
managing to maintain appearances during daylight hours at work
heavily self-censoring night activity to avoid messy breakdowns
low on meds, trying to get hold of psych, usual difficulties
tired
apologies

our work is never over

Today we learned what happens when you never clear the slop out of the bottom out of a new industrial waterjet for over a year, because your manager was told at installation it was 'maintenance free', so he shrugged and threw away those instructions.

o.o <---- thousand yard stare

In the spring, we tap the data as it begins to flow through the sugar maple; we boil off the packet headers to make sweet, delicious infosyrup.

All this work, time, medication, money, resources... just to hold things together.

I share this because I know some of you are struggling to hold things together. That it takes so much effort, sometimes. Just to keep the plates spinning, the balls in the air another few minutes. And when we succeed, the reward is nobody knowing. We pass, at work. On the subway. Walking down the sidewalk. On the phone.

I know it's hard. I'm proud of you. Keep going. *offers hug/pawbump/nod of approval*

Descent arrested. Stable.

It is almost a truism that the meds work, but staying on them consistently is an effortful task. Timing is becoming complicated: some interact with others, and spacing them out reduces unpleasant side effects. Dose changes still affect my innards more abruptly than my mind. Unexpected interactions between psych and nonpsych meds do interesting things sometimes, like flush potassium unexpectedly out of my system. S'tiring.

Going downhill fast. Back as I can cope.

Would it be advantageous - if one was teaching oneself to be more ambidextrous for Reasons, and currently righthanded - to have a horizontally-mirrored layout numeric keypad on the left side of the keyboard? it's already upside down compared to telephones, and transportable with USB HID.

I keep hearing the faint but distinct sound of a ST:TOS medical tricorder just above and afore my right ear. Every so often, the warble breaks through the background noise at work.

Which is not a bad representation of how my brain would visualize tickling the temporal lobe of someone locked in a delusional state.

So. If somebody's trying to directly frob my perceptual, emotional or memory systems to get a message through?

You've got my attention.

Try harder.