-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

If you've ever experience what it's like to just be completely moved to -tears- by the beauty of something, that is how I felt when I first say myself in my 'fursona'. I was ashamed of that for a long, long time.

But the point is that I was -INFATUATED- with it. it was beautiful to me on a level that, back then, was kinda made fun of? "Lifestylers"
Lifestylers, of course, until the lot of us grew up, the world grew darker and pushed us to admit that we LOVED this life. We wanted it.
and it's okay. It's an okay thing to love. It's an okay thing to feel your heart -pounding- at the indulgence of it all. To desire it.

Furry seemed personal to me long before I could articulate why and long before I realized I was Otherkin/Therian/Nonhuman. I vaguely remember as a kid just... staring at certain pieces of art and just soaking in every inch... How the fur set and how tails could be expressive.
I was infatuated. I was in love, and it quickly manifested into desire, a deep wanting. longing. saudade, and sometimes dysphoria.

I'm a sap for furry stuff. maybe I should stop jesting that i'm 'furry trash', because it isn't trash. It's beautiful, and it has helped me become the very best me.
I gush about tails and ears and paws because honestly, "The Furry Body" has struck me with awe ever since I first saw them. A beautiful duality of animal and human. A bridging of this perceived gap and more than a reminder that we, too, are animals. We too are a part of nature.

Lesson/note to self:
Do not treat yourself harsher than your gods would.
Stop acting like you only have one life to do all of this in, because you know it is not the case.
You are acting according to a worldview you havn't had in a few years, and yes... habits are hard to change.

‘You believe…
So act like it.”

Thinkin’ about tails
Thinkin’ about how they swish and sway around.
Thinkin’ about the balance. The gait.
Thinkin’ about how it feels to have my tail pet, gently and lovingly
Mmhmmmm~

@incatoxication Commitment was a wild-ass ride haha

Dont you hate when you go to take a nap and suddenly its 5:00pm ugghh

I love my tail
I also love hypnosis files that make my tail really sensitive and vivid and hnngggg don’t mind me JUST PETTING MY TAIL AND NOT GETTING PLEASURE FROM IT
https://hypno.nimja.com/listen/397-pet_tail_pleasure

I'm reminded of the term I heard re: living as trans... 'death by a thousand cuts'.
I've said on a few occasions "those who didn't know me before; I feel so much better now" and that's still true but to a lesser extent than what used to be.
"Before, I would be 'not depressed' two days out of every two weeks and not I'm 'depressed' two days out of every two weeks"
Now, on a good cycle it's maybe... half and half
which is better

but it begs asking...
"what the hell HAPPENED?"

Times are changing, and I feel like I've barely had time to process moving here. Rather, process the trauma I was leaving.
I wondered tonight "what happened to me?"
Specifically, I remember being much happier when i first started transitioning. It occurred to me that all those social shittiness I experienced of being a trans 'girl' in the midwest has possibly had its' tendrils in deeper than I thought, and has been fairly traumatic for me.

@Leucrotta i do have that body haha ^^’ i like it :)

@Ratttz MMHMMM IT GAVE ME FEELINGS

I feel so gorgeous

“You’re welcome to your opinions for the short time you’ll be human enough to have them” HUFF

watching That Batman Beyond Episode

Holy shit I AM CUTE

I seriously don’t know why this hasn’t occured to me on a deep level like this. I’m so completely different than i was. I look so different~ i look so much better than i thought i would look.

Oh yay we’re back
I missed y’all