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FROM THE PATREON: is there one cute eel in this picture? or two? the answer, dear watchers, is up to you...

if you're eeling sinister, subscribe today: patreon.com/distressedegg

@literorrery holy SHIT that's AWESOME, that's like a great british bakeoff of a body!!

@DirtyThirty realtalk have you ever gotten horny over watching taffy get pulled on a machine in an old-timey candy store? does this make me weird? shit. shit

BONUS EASTER POLL: if you could be made out of candy, what would YOU be?

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watch out, sexual words 

Happy Easter/April Fools! Today I’m playing a hilarious “prank” on myself by thinking about what it’d feel like if I was made of candy and got fucked so hard my pelvis melted, after which I’d just pump out egg after festive candy egg from my slick little sugary— (1/37)

FROM THE PATREON: y'know, like from the one movie. uhhhh. Homeward Bound or whatever

free your mind and subscribe today: patreon.com/distressedegg

FROM THE PATREON: hot octopus guy with a few extra arms added on for utility and leisure. BECAUSE WHY NOT.

subscribe today: patreon.com/distressedegg

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THE MARCH/APRIL SKETCH THEME POLL IS UP!

i swear, these things seem like they’re shifting onto, like, Bajoran time or something more and more. HEY, POLL, THOUGH

$5 and up patrons, vote HERE: patreon.com/posts/17637442

Everyone else, vote in the wild card poll HERE: strawpoll.me/15313994

The winning option in the wild card poll will get a bonus vote in the main poll! Want more say? Subscribe today! patreon.com/distressedegg

ALSO FROM THE PATREON: MARINE MONTH KICKS OFF!! i heard if sharks stop grinding against each other they'll die. maybe that's something they just say to fuck with people, idk.

subscribe today if you're hungry for more: patreon.com/distressedegg

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