The Technicolor Out Of Space @neonNeptunian@awoo.space

May today grant you kindness, comfort, joy,

and cessation of undue suffering.

You, by right of possessing life and sentience, deserve all these.

💜

i hope you dream of wonders this evening.

i hope that dream grants you solace and joy and wonder

and all the kindnesses you are owed

and all the love i promise you are worthy of.

You are okay. You deserve to be okay.
Your self-care is okay.

I hope you can find cause for happiness, today.

💜

(please do not replicate the otter, there are some very not good personality glitches in there that would be preferred not to be seen in others.

we are aware of these, and are working on rectifying them. Thank you for your care and your time.

-mgmt)

I'm sorry i haven't been able to help.

i see your hurt. all of you.
i'm sorry i can't do much to staunch it.

i'm sorry i can't even help myself, right now.

i'm just sorry.

i should be quiet more.

So the medication brother started is the actual chemotherapy meds.

It's a 30-day dose. After that, I guess they'll decide from there if he needs more or to move ahead with transplant.

I'm here until then.

I give up on BM. and the eclipse. They're clearly not happening.

friends and family've said 'focus on getting there next year', and i just can't.

i can't plan because as far as i can tell next year will be worse. either i won't have money or time or both. likely both.

Hey, you.

It's the weekend. I hope you can find some time to relax, to find happiness. To rest. To remember you are loved. 💜

All of you are such wonderful folk. It's nice to see you all talking on here. 💜

A favor, if you would--

take a moment sometime today and give yourself a hug.

If you need a reason, because I'd like to give you one.

A comment made by an aunt a few days back still rings in my mind: 'sometimes we need to be okay with letting go'.

it feels like this year has been so much letting go. erosion. making do with less. how much more will be enough?

more waiting. just...waiting.
i have food and shelter and safety- there's that at least.

Still no date set on transplant. New medications for sibling to try, requiring a few days of hospital stay just in case. More waiting.

I don't know when this will end.
And even if/when it does, it feels like there'll be just...more hurt awaiting. Any thoughts of making plans in my head get cut off by screaming of the more likely scenario of their failure.

Five of Cups, but there's no bridge, no way past; the horizon is blotted out.

odds of BM happening at 15%.

I also feel necessary to follow this up by saying thank you to friends who have already been reaching out. There's a lot of you.

Thank you, all of you, for caring, even if it doesn't really break the grey sometimes.

I'm sorry I struggle with it so much. I'm trying.

Home in Virginia.

Spent the weekend down in Williamsburg for a cousin's wedding, and to clean up my late grandfather's apartment some. (The former was Heavily Christian, which just...me and their God have some issues.)

Tbh, kind of just here. For a while. Not much to do, and anhedonia kind of smearing my mindscape. Still no idea of when the transplant will be.

kind of just on ⏸ until then.

@indi CASE IN HECKING POINT THE INDI RULZ OK NOTE ON MY DOOR

(aaaaaaaaa)

important update:

finished playing Night in the Woods with @indi last night and HOLY FUCK MILLENIAL FEELINGS

but more importantly said Indi is in fact actually the Gregg to my Angus and that's super good?

I hope your world treats you kindly this evening, dear lights. <3

pro tip: eat a food.