Spark @smallesttiger@awoo.space

@literorrery @angrboda I don’t know what to do other than feel like a terrible partner/friend and I hate that my immediate reaction to someone feeling bad is to emotionally check out now

@literorrery @angrboda Telling someone who needs me “I can’t” feels like the hardest most hurtful thing I can do. How can I tell someone who is depressed that the unrelenting misery every time I talk to them is burning me out, without only making it worse? (of course the answer is to not say it like that but. Any kind of pulling away or withdrawal from these people who need so intensely feels like such a tight rope it’s easier to just continue on)

I am deliberately limiting the depths of my connections now because I know I cannot be a good support system for anyone else and I feel shallow and irritated with myself and the world.

I don’t like being that person, it’s never how I’ve thought of myself— i’ve always been the person who listens and supports and helps. But the thought of putting in a lot of extra emotional energy into someone who is incapable of doing anything but feeling sad, where nothing I do ever makes a difference for years, is crushing. I feel drained and burned out on caring.

The reality is, 90% of my close associates from the time I was born have required high levels of emotional support and caretaking and at the ripe old age of 34 I feel so totally done with it

I have such caregiver burnout, I skimmed a stupid article on Facebook this morning about nice things to do with for your partner who is struggling with mental illness and my gut reaction was immediate nope nope nope

@Fuego too snoot

@Tanuki can’t wait to get my cheap copy in a few months!

@Fuego it’s my core competency

@angrboda awww her paws!

@literorrery @mawr that looks SO GOOD

@Leucrotta yes! It had so much potential, and then it just sort of squandered it

@Fuego I’m in

@MagentaForge that’s where i am—puzzling out what’s important, but not yet why or what to do about it

@Antifreeze @angrboda I will be such a delicious snack

@Antifreeze I’m a redhead so it’ll be salt and...cinnamon?

I went climbing last night and it was SO MUCH FUN. I’m starting yoga in a few and then more climbing and i can’t wait to be that person

@Antifreeze long hair, shaggy beard, knows way too much about plants

I can’t wait to be a weird scruffy old hippy

@Fuego are you a good girl!