Crinklewott 💕 @thingywott@awoo.space

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz :T

it's easy to fixate on how much we missed in moments like this--when we look back at the things we prioritized, but i don't think that you should ever blame yourself for not spending more time doing anything you hadn't done

we're all doing our best, and that includes *you*! you did your best with the information and context you had, and if you can think now about things you would have done differently, that just means that you either know more now, or you have grown

i hope you feel better soon, bailey~

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz oh yikes, this is a jarring change of mood

how are you feeling..? :T

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz i really hope he gets a moment to shine too

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz i still cw my art and less superficial things for courtesy reasons--but yeah, i've decided that my existence isn't something i should feel so sorry about

i'm never going to post untagged nsfw things, but i'm also not really concerned with people knowing who i am

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz dark electro has a really REALLY bad habit of being like this: extremely dark and grating, with melodic bits that make me end up actually liking a lot of it

it becomes music that i don't like showing people, but somehow plays to my melodic sensibilities enough that i still decide to listen to it sometimes

i think the bits i like are rooted in retro aesthetic that makes me both like chiptunes and module music from consoles i have no nostalgia for (like the amiga and commodore 64)

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz also, this sort of thing sounds so cutesy that it could give someone a toothache, and i have a hard time admitting i like the chorus of this a lot without being embarrased

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBaB6UUcRqM

as you can see, the last two songs couldn't be farther apart, but they both have parts that just make me think "ah yes, i could listen to this"

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz for example, i do not like the themes of this song *at all*, but my brain ignores all of those things and instead decides that it likes this song because it really enjoys the melody itself in the chorus (which first starts at 1:20)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgpf_RMtjJ0

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz i used to think i just didn't like music

but that couldn't be right; i liked the music in the games i played! so i guess i liked "game" music??

fast forward about a decade and a lot of trying to find my aesthetic, and i just found out that there are like little "pieces" of music that make me love love LOVE the songs around it

it's funny, but i listen to entire songs for short portions of them that just feel like chocolate to my brain

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz that actually happened to me with *pokemon* of all things!

i felt that i had to at least be ironically detached when i was first getting into it. even though i just wanted to snuggle every one of them so much

i like how the thing that helped me most get used to the idea of liking things that might get me teased was actually being ABDL–i had an extra large amount of empathy for others being bugged for liking weird things as a result, and that let me accept myself liking things too!

@SoniEx2 @ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz i find whenever i try to steel my nerves to do this when people ask the kinds of music i like, they seem often, i guess disappointed??

the really fun ones are people who say it reminds them of some other music that i actually don't like at all and show me lots of it to convince me that "it's better actually"

so it's not exactly a feedback loop that encourages me to try more

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz oh! i've never had that happen before, i imagine that's a fun little mixture of conflicting emotional energy

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz it goes ever farther beyond that for me because when i say that i don't really care much for a lot of music, i almost feel like it makes me look like i'm trying to be some smug hipster with "better" tastes somehow

which makes me think that my music choices are judged even more harshly, as if my subjective views that delve into really obscure music is because i "know" more--and not because i just happen to like things that sound happy, upbeat, or japanese

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz oh, and happy hardcore!

i don't know why i get self-conscious of it, but my music aesthetics actually make me feel even more embarrassed than kinks have ever made me

@ctrlaltdog@chitter.xyz this is me whenever i listen to chiptunes, remixes and medleys of video game music, and toothache-inducing cute-sounding music