Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

So Peg woke up feeling a little down and overwhelmed this morning, and we were talking about what gets *me* motivated.

And I admitted that, some mornings, it's really just... anger. Well-channeled anger. I'm getting better and better at that.

But sometimes there's just this point where the pile of kipple heaped onto me is so big, all I can do is Hulk Out and go RAWR and throw it all off me at once, in a flurry of rage-fueled but actually productive activity...

@Trouffee@mastodon.social Yes. YES. Word for word, that's how exactly how I was left feeling at Transliminal during that final year. In the way. Just little enough of a burden that people would shoulder me out of habit/politeness/fear of change. Superfluous to everything, no longer a desired part, nobody willing to admit it to me.

And a big part of the healing process has been realizing I wasn't the only one, and there was that tendency there, and it wasn't all my fault. *hug* *sigh*

@troodon *hugs* Thanks, though, that still means a lot to me. I do want Kristy and Jessie to share in the sympathy, too-- this ain't a matter of blame, just a matter of ugly, ugly fate and badly time mutual failure states.

What exact day's your birthday? ^__^

I'm 43. Some part of my brain is just all too aware I'm 43, and it won't let me forget either. :>

@troodon 🐯​❤️​❤️​❤️​

Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys: we accept you, one of us, one of us. (ATTN: @acetone_kitten
https://dogpatch.press/2018/11/12/jello-biafra-dance-party-furries/

@Trouffee@mastodon.social *hugs* Yeah. Just... yeah. Especially with the "one-sided" bit. Even before things got really bad at Transliminal, I was starting to feel like a complete non-entity, just totally superfluous to the lives of everybody else there. I keep having to remind myself that I'd pretty much *already* lost everything I loved there, long before I got kicked out. -_-

(Though a simple "I'm so sorry this all happened this way, Kin" would not be taken badly.)

(Yes, the above is an oblique request not to talk to me about Bandaza. Also, please cw anything pertaining to it. I request as much emotional distance from the entire event as you can provide. I have plenty of feeling surrounding the whole thing, and I suspect discussing them wouldn't make anybody any happier. If you're in town for it and want to hang out separately, feel free to ping me, but I will probably be hiding out somewhere on the actual day.​)

“Thanksgiving’s always been a little bit bewildering to me because it’s not a religious holiday. When your family gets together, there are a few things that you do, but most of the time it’s about food preparation.” -- Joel Hodgson

No plans for Thanksgiving, nor adjacent holidays. I'm basically comfortable with this. I eat enough during the rest of the year. Whatever the rest of you do, have fun, and if it's local... don't feel any particular need to tell me about it.

@troodon Mmmaybe week after? I'm looking at having to sneak in a bunch of healthcare appts on short notice 'cause of Insurance Clusterfuck, and my vestigial logistics brain is busy running around in circles going waaaaaaaugh currently. :)

@Cerulean Yikes, I had not realized how soon Thanksgiving is coming! How about shortly thereafter? :)

@001zlnv Wholeheartedly agreed. I would not mourn one bit.

boycott boycott boycott boycott

https://boingboing.net/2018/11/14/facebook-hired-oppo-firm-to-sm.html

(TL;DR: Facebook hired a right-wing opposition research company to tar Facebook critics as Soros pawns. But there's a lot of other scuzzy behavior described in the article.)

@Cerulean Yeah, that would be good. Reasons. *hug*

@Balinares Yeah. I mean, I don't want to delve into the details too much here, but... I still don't actually *know* what caused the final lecture from Keet that ended it all. I said something to Orrery that I'd worried was _awkward_, but was never meant as hostile. I really thought everything was fine, then found out the next day she'd blocked me, and when I asked Keet what happened, because I was genuinely confused... she tore into me. So... yeah. No real closure there.

@tastymochafox "RTFM" is a difficult concept, apparently! Yeah, "actually *read* my freakin' userinfo" seems like a reasonable barrier to social-media acquaintance.

At least the whole confusion with Washington Health reminded me of one of my favorite words:

https://ansible.uk/sfx/sfx161.html

@Balinares I think mostly I just needed to say all that above to ward off that paranoid self-hatey inner voice of "OK, it's gotten real quiet. I'll bet everybody's gotten sick of me and has realized I'm a total irredeemable jerk. Might as well do everybody a favor, by detaching myself and getting to work on the NOLA stage of my life, instead of trying to force something nobody else seems to want."

When the truth is probably everyone else is just stupid busy like I am. 😺​

@Balinares As for the others... sounds lovely, and the sentiment's appreciated. Just, if I come up in conversation, mention that I miss 'em. That's another problem -- everybody's so scattered these days, I've even lost track of who I've lost track of. :|

Thanks. Even just having _anybody_, especially you, reply to and bother to care... that's a big comfort. *hugs tight*

I just can't believe how it all went so wrong so fast. I'm still reeling pretty badly.

@Balinares To whom? Kristy and Jessie, not really. I've at least got an "inside contact" there to give me status updates. And I've finally come to terms with the fact that the best thing for them is going to be just leaving them be.

I've already resigned myself that that's probably going to be forever; it would be nice to learn differently someday, but I've sworn off trying to force it. It'd be neat if something could happen there... but I'm fairly certain it can't. :|