Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@KinkyTurtle Yup! :D

Can we make Steven Crowder into the next Richard Spencer?

With your help, we can turn every milkshake duck into a "Milkshake! Duck!"

#PunchBigotsEarlyAndOften

@Balina Happy anniversary, moof. <3 <3 <3

On one hand, I feel like I should explain that "Mackerel Jones" reference For You Kids Out There.

On the other hand, it's... um... usually accompanied by animation that's really quite extremely problematic.

[In fact, video has been redacted because even the thumbnail was RACIAL YIKES. Luckily, I found one copy without the animation, and the song is... well, it's a lot _less_ problematic. You're still on your own here, kids.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlhWPVJNAOo&lc=z13jsv2avz2nhvkvh22yz5x5cka2wlbef

@001zlnv *dons mirrorshades*

Cool jones.</homestar_i_mean_dangeresque_too>

🎵​ mackerel jones
🎵​ i got a mackerel jones
🎵​ mackerel jones whoo-hee-ooo

🐯​🐯​🐯​

@Aradia @mawr

Did I mention lately that I love you, foxen? 😻​

So, first I need to explain to you the Alice Trillin Law of Compensatory Cash Flow. This was a financial "um, principle" discovered by the late and much-missed Alice Trillin—author, teacher, educational TV luminary, and least of all, wife of journalist/food maven Calvin Trillin. Calvin would tease her about this "Law" in his food essays.

Basically, the ATLOCCF is something like "unexpectedly unspent money is equivalent to revenue." For example, if you were seriously thinking about buying a $6,000 television and suddenly you decide not to... bingo, you just made $6,000!

Well, I went to get my prescriptions filled at Walgreens, and my insurance app hasn't gone through yet, so I was about to pay ~$200 for a 3-month supply... but the pharmacist took pity on me, did some bureaucratic magic, and got 'em down to around $50.

So yeah, you remember that sushi order I was sensible enough not to make last night?

Yeah. Trillin's Law. It's just good sense. Basic math, really. A sound investment in the fish market. 🐯​

@dodec OK, you are *definitely* not falling prey to the Caterpillar's Dilemma, then. Just had to make sure! Cripes, even tigers don't put that much effort into making sure we look graceful when we walk. :D

@dodec Heh. Eh-heh-heh. Ever read the Callahan's Crosstime Saloon books?

HINT: Just take a day and figure out EXACTLY how to walk with so many limbs and PRACTICE until you know precisely how you do it... Otherwise, anybody who's read those books can crash you faster than a self-driving Tesla. >:D

Weirdly, this article makes me feel like everything's going to be okay...

https://phys.org/news/2019-06-bees-link.html (cw: bees, math)

(thanks, @LexYeen@snouts.online!)

🎵​ Hold my bones, you necromancer
🎵​ Count my ribs, make sure there's twelve please
🎵​ Bind my skin in linen ribbons
🎵​ So I don't reek of a disease

--inscription from the Velvet Sarcophagus of Pharaoh El-tanj-han (c. 1972 BCE)

@Leucrotta Oh HELL yeah. Thank you, I had not been aware of their glorious existence! (Grant Morrison, somehow I feel this was supposed to be YOUR job and yet again you have disappointed... ;p )

Oops, the only good sushi place stopped delivering 7 minutes ago. Saved from myself!

Oh, snap, found a $50 bank card I had written off after getting shut out of it by a really stupid password glitch. Looks like it finally reset.

*stares at the sushi listings on GrubHub and twitches, desperately trying to be one of those grown-up kitties with, like, impulse control and things*

@anthracite @nautilee "Approximately one tiger!"

Gosh, it's funny. For some reason none of the Chinese consulates are picking up their phones.

And all I wanted to do was wish them a happy anniversary. I guess I'll keep trying.

#六四事件

🎵​Oh start your day
🎵The Martian way
🎵And chew on an incel's face

Stupid foodtube tried to cite a map as evidence about the Vile Muslim World, without actually checking if the study it was sourced from supported him.

There's nothing left but a thick smear. A nice cup of incel blood smeared on your maw first thing in the morning is even better than coffee. Just... don't take it internally. 🐯​👍​

@LeDiva I love her name so much. I wonder how weird it would be to write someone fanmail and say "I love your middle initial?" <3 (Though I have a fine excuse, since her book on the origins of Chinese cuisine is also pretty rad...)

@Momentrabbit But oh my gods, do I sympathize with the pain. Everything from the Taps logs to my old Dreamwidth's "friends" list to my *cough* "tax documents" folders that are mysteriously full of JPEGs... Fraught, fraught, fraught. The best I can do is compost all the shit and death and regret and hope something grows out of it.

(And ummm that I don't hurt Noa and Kirt with it so bad in the process that our paltry few readers abandon the whole comic in rage... Sorry again, kids, but Steven and Twilight are both full of shit. :p )