Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@chr@cybre.space I have been trying to push this really hard at my own job—and I have the power to do it, because I GET TO USE IT IN PERFORMANCE REVIEWS. >:D

=== KITTY BULLETIN - LEVEL 5 ===

So, you remember a month or two ago, when we'd thought the neighbors with the cats had moved out?

Well, they moved their stuff back on their porch a few days after, but I hadn't really seen much of the cats so I didn't bother updating. (Also, there is a bit of domestic... unrest next door, so I didn't wanna get too attached.)

Well, long story short, Sugarfoot actively sought pettings from me for the very first time. This may or may not be due to Sushi Hands.😼​

Tonight on the Martian Rawrcasting Service: Gather the whole pride for a heartwarming Fishmas story of a hungry tigress stuck on Terra, whose sushi delivery was supposed to only come with two pieces per order, but... came with THREE!

Based on an inspiring true story. Be a good kitty and it could even happen to you!

(Final score:
🐯 — 24
🐠​ — 0)

@Austin_Dern @porsupah I deeply resent you for not cw:ing that cthulhoid abomination of a pizza. 😾​

*grins, but shudders again*

@Leucrotta Yeah. *hug* Yeah.

I think I've figured out what's on the Martian coat of arms.

@hummingrain i was AMAZED they didn't take my bottle opener when i flew to ohio, especially after they dithered for TEN MINUTES about it and damn near made me late -.-

@001zlnv Season 10, FWIW. Huh. That's surprisingly late.

I feel fat.

@001zlnv Just outta curiosity, what season? I think the Homer Phase (e.g. "Lovable Goof," "Captain Wacky," "Jerkass Homer," "Adventure Dad") is an important consideration here...

@001zlnv Yeah, I believe the exact figure is 238, but I can't swear to where I found it or what episode it's allegedly from. And... yeah, that does seem pretty low by 2019 standards, doesn't it. FWIW, I think it's from before "big wacky fat guy" was Homer's main personality trait instead of "lovably gruff working-class dad."

@001zlnv I'm 44. You shush. :)

Worse, I'm EXACTLY his canonical weight. That's a hell of a burden to carry around.

A local ex-monument.

"ONLY COMM. DESTROW HISTROY."

Truer, dumber words were never written, and I hope we destrow far more of this COMFEDARIT nonsense in the years to come.

@hummingrain Polycule = polyamorous molecule = group of polyamorous lovers.

(Or is that another suggestion? It's... it's been a long day and I can't words good no more...)

@hummingrain Yeah. Honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've truly, genuinely thought I was screwed for good—only to find out it was just the end of a dramatic act. *hug*

@anthracite *laughs in utter sympathy* Fffffff--

Still better than Game of Thrones.

http://aidungeon.io/

MFW the simple, sleek little wargame I downloaded turns out to be blatant Old Testament Christian propaganda, that is absolutely convinced performing the martial will of the ancient Hebrew kings was objectively "doing good" and spreading the religion of their neighbors was "doing evil"...

Oh, well. It's still a neat little game, so I just named my player character "Belphegor" and moved on. 😈​More beer, fornication, and sorcery for the good people of Israel, stat! ❤️​

@hummingrain

No. ​

*hug*

(But, then again, I wasn't sure then, either. I hate to get all Daoist on you, but... it's not that everything's going to be fine. It's that, for all we know, it could. Our minds are largely just not good at assessing our fates.)

(Or, to paraphrase one of my favorite comedians, in a panel quiz show where the goal was to talk the host out of suicide: "Don't worry! You WILL meet your doom eventually! You may just have to be a bit patient." *morbid smile and a hug* )

You know, I talk a good talk here about all my woes down in NOLA. But I just ate a veggie burrito for lunch and I feel so damn... virtuous.

And it dawns on me, I've never felt LESS like destroying myself, more interested in living on the straight and narrow, and more interesting in keeping myself alive.

I never talked about it, but The Thing with the ex-roommates came to a head with me being actively suicidal and running for the knife block in the kitchen, out of sheer panic and suddenly, catastrophically induced self-hate. I really thought for sure in that moment that it was all over for good.

And that phase of my life sure as fuck was. All crushed up and burnt. Thank god I had Peggy to offer up a getaway vehicle when I did.

Now I look back on that aftermath, "stuck" living with her in a cramped apartment in the University District, as one of the first really peaceful and quiet phases of my adult life, one of my best. And the one I'm in now could use a little work, but if this damn city doesn't drown us, it could be even better than the last one.

It does get better, folks. Or at least, it really, really can. I wish I could tell you everything will be all right, I really do. But I can at least tell you that it can. I offer up my prayers to the Raccoon Gods that you, too, will narrowly escape the trash compactor and find a newer, better place to live in than that dumpster. Fellow scavengers, there are treetops out there, with no stink, no predators, and well... at least *fewer* diseases.

I promise. ​👍​❤️​

@001zlnv fwiw, i... er, i mean My Friend Whose Facebook Account Totally Has Her Real Name On It... bitched out dupont at length right in the middle of an attempt at PR puffery, in your honor <3