Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@Leucrotta oh man, am i with you there -- i mean, you've seen me -- i would have done a LOT more with transition if i had consistently had the cash for electrolysis over the years or the werewithal to shave regularly...

@Phorm @anthracite Hit me up in DMs. I can take it! And I'm desperately curious.

@kistaro i... i feel like peg and i are both being called out here

the very weekend i first met her in person, @acetone_kitten and i threatened to start a tally board of how many times she said the word "poop" n.n;

Inspired by another toot:

We're in the middle of a plague. We're going to have -- and maybe need -- daily reminders that we are made of icky goopy stuff that does creepy things.

So I'm declaring this an extreme biological TMI confessional thread. Got a part of your body that always inexplicably smells like root beer? Got that THING on your butt that oozes? Love the sensation of picking a certain unidentified form of plantlife out from under your toenails?

Here's the place to tell us about it. DO NOT PROCEED unless you can offer 100% amnesty and non-judgment. You know damn well that when nobody is looking, you're just as gross.

Last warning.

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I'll start. I've got a big nasty ingrown hair on my back that's been there for two months and won't go away. My doctor's still debating if she's gonna drain it, hack it out, or put me on antibiotics.

Also, Peg and I have largely subsisted on red beans and rice for the last week, and my poots have been smelling EXACTLY like Creole Spice Blend. I... I actually kinda like it. n_____n;;;;

Also, ever since I found out my hypertension's in remission, I've taken to drinking shot-glasses of soy sauce and eating anchovy paste straight from the squeezetube.

@kistaro this kinda tempts me to have a thread of biological tmi amnesty -- the midst of an epidemic seems like a good time to get in touch with, and make peace with, each others' fundamental grossness <3

@hystericempress Yeah. It's bad. Lots of bad come-ons for "breeding" scenes... a lot of whining when I tried to explain that I'm Not That Kind Of Pony... and a lot of really shameful and icky caving in to such people because, well, you can imagine how hard it was to disappointment people when I was in Full Noelle Mode. D:- D:- D:-

@Leucrotta Sympathies, I failed my last "is this beloved celebrity still alive" check... (Granted it was Ken Nordine and he was friggin' 97 last I'd checked.)

@hystericempress Oh god sis have I ever given you the spiel about how I knew when Noelle was gonna have a crappy evening on Tapestries when one of her potential playmates referred to her as a "maaaaaaaaaare..." u_u

@hystericempress I have really cute R34 of Shriekmaw somewhere, but damned if I can find it...

@anthracite https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-TApnxnCTY&feature=youtu.be&t=210

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon. All house and no cafe makes Kirsch a dull raccoon.

@hystericempress Ouch. *hugs tight* I've got some similar feels about my grandma. Mom forbade me from ever telling her straight-out, despite some real strong signs from her that she would've been just fine with it and already suspected. And her mind went, followed soon after by her body, before I ever got the chance.

I have a suspicion, given what I've heard about your grandpa and what a guy he was, that he might have sussed out your gender issues long before you did. But it sounds like he had quite a mind and it IS a goddamn shame you never got to have that conversation with him, because it sounds like it would have been utterly fascinating and life-long memorable. I'm so sorry, sis, it really ISN'T, fair. *squeeze*

@hystericempress This is why I'm glad I finally stopped dreaming about Seattle. So yeah, been there. *hug*

@mmsword *peers into the distance*

Making quite a lot of money as a Crest superhero/spokesbadger, using their powers to fight the new dark gritty reboot of the Cavity Creeps.

@001zlnv when the fuck have you ever heard of a raccoon emperor

we're an anarchosocialist commune buddy

(king trashmouth from bob's burgers doesn't count, he is the delusion of a sweet old wine mom)

I miss playing chaplain for people, and this seems like a good opportunity, but I didn't just have the patience last time around and I don't know that I've gotten any better.

Still, I've had a few extra character points sitting around unslotted. I really enjoyed that "DR. KIRSCHWELL" series. Maybe it's time to stick a few points into Bard and keep trying to keep you entertained through this mess.

Love y'all. Stay strong. And granted, this is coming from a raccoon, but... WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS. WASH EVERYTHING*. WASH WASH WASH. (^)___(^)

*except sugar and marshmallows, but our raccoon technologists are working on a solution for that too

@anthracite @Phorm *squints at you*

I have some REAL SERIOUS questions about our little friend Trina in the morning. Or are those different?

@001zlnv Yes, there is one, but the sushi and udon are terrible, even in Japan. Everybody sits in grubby little neon-lit cafes in Akasuka and eats Minnesota hot dish and Mormon funeral potatoes instead. It's just not the same.

@Austin_Dern

*concentrates hard, chili-shaped waves of energy radiating from their cute little ears*

Hmmm. Nope. You muff it in round two on Dr. Dude and His Excellent Ray, after getting distracted by the lenticular flip and botching a flipper pass.

Sorry! I guess most other universes have a less strident view of what constitutes a "classic" than ours...

@001zlnv every single one of me missed the same elementary school assembly in 2nd grade because i was too busy reading curled up in the back of the room and failed to actually notice the entire classroom getting up and leaving

true story

it just varies with what i was reading -- everything from Andre Norton's Space Cats to Les 120 Journées de Sodome, you do NOT want to see that universe...

also i'm pretty sure the contents of that assembly probably varied, 'cause in this one the teacher just came back and made me an example of why people should pay attention, but there was one where she came back with a cleaver and chased me around the school giggling and soiling herself while she screamed about "appeasing her master" but i guess i'll never know