Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@kistaro Me, I am nearly full-blooded Italian and thus immune to all damage on the Garlic Table (except my right heel of course, which mom used to dip me in the baptismal bagna cauda). But this is still some very sage advice.

@anthracite No, no. CJ is not a gatekeeper. Like Lord Ivo Shempington of Gh'en'xois, he is a keymaster. (and yeah i got the total number of CATGATES wrong, s/b 3 out of 4 :) )

(Sugarfoot, the Fifth Cat Gate, is currently still in a luxurious imperial prison befitting a princess of her stature. She and the mewlets seem pretty chill today despite all the whining Shemp was doing from the next room. She shall have her portal closed, alongside her heirs, in about 3-4 weeks. She would like you, her subjects to all know: "Mew.")

IN THE FINAL DAYS OF THE ACCURSED YEAR 2020, SO THE LEGENDS SAY, TWO LOWLY BEASTPEOPLE EMBARKED ON A MISSION TO SAVE OUR WORLD.

HAVING CLOSED FOUR OF THE FIVE CATGATES TO THE DIMENSION OF CATSTORM, THE VALIANT ONES KNOWN AS "THE STRIPEY" AND "THE SCALEY" AVERTED THE CATPOCALYPSE AND BROUGHT PEACE TO THE 500 - 600 BLOCK OF [REDACTED], MIDCITY NEW ORLEANS.

TODAY THE IMPERIAL DOMAIN OF SHADOW THE FEISTY LIVES ON IN PEACE AND PROSPERITY THANKS TO THESE UNKNOWN COURIERS OF THE GODS. ALL PRAISE MIGHTY BAST AND SEKHMET. ALL PRAISE SAINT HOBBES THE FLUFFY.

Now then. Premature celebrations all around! I'm ordering jerk chicken from down the street ffs.

@anthracite i think that's part of bast's boon -- we were given some EXERCISE to keep us strong through this civilizational-scale mess -- "hmmm, you two are gettin a little spiritually (and physically) pudgy"

oh god are we being taken for cosmic walkies D: D: D:

one nice thing: once the kittens are raised and adopted and everybody's been safely snipped and recovered... if i can actually get back to some semblance of my old slacker schedule... it's gonna seem SO CUSHY compared to this

nobody in midcity would mind just a LITTLE public screaming, right?

i mean, it's new orleans. it's a cosmopolitan town. they're hip to the whole random stress-scream scene, right?

^_______^;;

:O

the sheer amount of nostalgia, alone...

also um plastic modular furries from kits

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39176101/

@anthracite Watching Human Olivia work Reddit this morning also really encouraged me. Seems like EXACTLY the kind of person we want caring for our little vagrants.

(xeni just insinuated The Squad is a bunch of "grifters whose point is to destabilize the left and siphon off votes." i honestly think she is the dumbest single person to come out of the whole Wired/Mondo 2000 "goshwow it's all gonna be cyberrific!" crowd, and people like mark frauenfelder and rob beschizza give her real stiff competition...)

i hate xeni jardin so fucking much

flames

burning

side of my head

you know the routine

i have started joking that the kittens are my dual Bast/Coyote trial.

i anticipate a hell of a boon.

Lots of news today.

The kittens have advanced from Bumblers to Zoomers. D: Also, disappointingly little progress on the litterbox front, but they're new, I'll give them some time.

We might have found a TNR service that can do the whole batch at once for minimal cost and hassle, INCLUDING recovery at their clinic, not our overcrowded technically no-pets apartment. Only hitch: they've got a waiting list. We're hoping we can pass a triage.

Also, the immense fear has struck me that Peebles might already be pregnant. She's JUST old enough and her belly is getting a little big. OTOH, I did some research and (with intense awkwardness because she IS basically my goddaughter) I realized that since I didn't notice any swollen nipples when I inspected her belly this morning, if she is, she's not far enough along for us to worry since she's getting snipped anyhow. (And when it comes to cats, yeah, I'm *definitely* pro-choice. :p )

I really look forward to a day when once again all we have to do for these little buggers is feed and scritch them -- not be Housing And Feline Services analysts for them...

o/` You're a bumble
o/` You're a bumble
o/` You're a tiny little bumble
o/` And I outmass you six miliion times
o/` So now you get to go in the BOX

-- Traditional, "The Bumble Escape Song"

(Translation: "Did you know that I fucked your mom?")

Crude and misogynistic, I know, but this is the deepest of the Internet Swamps and I feel a certain obligation to smell like my prey.

mama tigress is having a real shitty day and dammit she's gonna go looking for prey to chew on until she feels better

@hystericempress and you never had to live through dialup speeds, sis. 24 minutes for one goddamn Tygger Graf leopard boi at 2400 baud off the Stormgate Aerie node. :D

#oniononmybelt

@anthracite you've more than earned it <3