Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@kistaro I was a Theta Chi at Case Western Reserve, and... yeah, we certainly did much stupider things than that. Ranch dressing chugs sound WELL within the realm of possibility compared to games like "how many french fries can we insert into $BROTHER's body before he wakes up." XD

Aaaaand now I crave ranch dressing. What the fuck. I don't even LIKE ranch dressing. I associate it mainly with... er... the terrible eating habits of certain former acquaintances I won't name. I think of it as one of those things you eat when you want a Big American Feeder Experience instead of, you know, food. Either something is very definitely off with my neurochemistry today, or I have accidentally summoned a Fast Food Demon up into me by namechecking the Wendy's Superbar.

And now I'm weeping because I read that Jamie Foxx's sister died young.

Genuinely sad, but... I think this is the first time I've EVER thought about Jamie Foxx, let alone his family, for more than a picosecond?

Definitely brainmeats. I am getting real tempted to abandon this experiment and go straight back on the Celexa -- flat affect/dead libido or no.

Yeah, it's definitely brain chemistry. I just found myself tearing up a little bit at the fact Wendy's no longer has a Superbar buffet. It's also got a whole "lost childhood" component that I'm skimming over, probably more about mourning that specific time and place, but... yeah.

I could still murder some lukewarm rotini with canned food-service Alfredo sauce right now, though.

@zx3 I mean, aye, there the rub. You're absolutely right and I REALLY appreciate the reality check. FFS, I've been convinced my loved ones and I were at the precipice of death since I was 12.

(Granted, that's because my dad had just died. But looking back, even that wasn't a "surprise" exactly. He... he knew damn well what was happening. He chose to ignore his cardiac diet and resume smoking. We found McD's french fry boxes under the seats of his car because he was hiding his binges from us, poor addicted bastard. D: I am pretty proud to this day to have outlived him and chosen so many Grown Up Things that this intimidating and bravado-driven man did not.)

But yeah. Even immediately after getting (rightly, I think) booted from Transliminal, I was genuinely convinced I was SCREWED and life as I knew it was over. And then Peg changed her mind about our ability to room together, took me in, and gave me the first really stable, happy period of my adult life.

For that matter, every single break-up I've had except for Rik (yay polyamory and yay dragoness!), I was totally sure that was my Last Hurrah too and nobody would ever put up with my bullshit again.

So yeah, I am not a very good doom prophet. I've been wrong a LOT and should probably try optimism at least once, if only for variety's sake. XD

parents due to get first dose this week

that is a huge relief

and apparently the vaccine is pretty popular even in my hometown of Shithole, OH so that is also kinda comforting

@Leucrotta Hey, I'm making MONEY off that shit. (PredictIt, see recent toots.) That part is fine! :D

But you're spot on about the fatigue. Winter is tougher in NOLA than I expected 'cause nobody here is equipped for it. And COVID just... keeps... dragging... on. There's no way the isolation and uncertainty couldn't be getting to me.

So you're right, it's not a good time to be making sweeping pessimistic assumptions about what will happen 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now. For all I know, Parallax actually makes it somehow and we spend our declining years making comics, Peggy miraculously hits 90 years old despite her nearly-all-starch-and-dairy diet (SIGH) and we go out in style.

@Leucrotta Oh, I definitely think there's gonna be A Future in general. I just don't think I have any shot of ever being truly loved or accepted again, after Seattle fell apart and nobody but Peg has the faintest interest in me in general, relationship or otherwise. *inappropriately cheerful shrug*

Maybe that's the depression talking. Or maybe it's the fact that so many people I genuinely, deeply loved from out there make zero effort to ever contact me. C'est la mort.

Huh. One thing brought a smile to my face today, at least: realizing that when I totaled up my current savings, I forgot to include $125 I still had stuck in PredictIt, so it's effectively a windfall.

I made something like a 30% profit there -- by betting on the most cynical possible slate of "the GOP will do fuck-all to punish Trump." Which means there are people out there who actually thought they'd serve justice. Wow.

"No one in this world, so far as I know has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses." -- HL Mencken, a real piece of shit who nonetheless got this one right

@Austin_Dern I have amused myself by imagining the cats watching me fumble about and marveling at each other, "He's so clumsy! How the HECK is he such a good hunter?!? How does he get all this food??!"

The probabilty increases day by day that, if during the course of my life I ever find myself bereft of both Peggy and my parents, I go out by committing a gruesome act of vengeance against a politician or executive.

Maybe I'll get lucky and something else will come along, worth loving so much that it's actually still worth living. Maybe someone wil actually rescue me. But there are better ways to go, and increasing reason to believe... this is basically it.

I don't think I can really imagine a next phase of my life. What the fuck am I gonna do, feed pigeons? Fan the pitiful embers of postfurry as a 78-year-old, in a world I'm SURE I'll have aged out of any meaningful cultural role in?

The only pity is that (to name but one example) Ted Cruz will probably die of old age, long before my schedule is clear enough to kill him myself.

Yeah, there is definitely something going around today, affecting the collective mood. Every single social media feed I have is a colossal bummer, and I'm not doing much better.

I just can't stop... mourning things that I haven't lost and have no current reason to think I'm about to lose. And I can't unfixate on the cats and the impending night of subfreezing, even though they've probably all got fine places to curl up and stay warm.

You know what would really improve my mood right now? Fourteen hundred dollars. Or Joe Manchin's pasty severed head on a silver platter and the physique required for Salome cosplay.

current mood: wishing there were a way to cc: every single sapient being on an e-mail that just says "no. fuck off."

Heh. Looks like Myspleen bootlegged the Cremaster Cycle.

I have zero interest in watching it. But it always makes me smile when some piece of media that an artist's made scarce for Lofty Artistic Reasons gets leaked.

Given a choice between creator's rights and, you know, actually being able to FUCKING PRESERVE OUR OWN CULTURE, I'm always gonna side with posterity.

It's the same way that I smile when an Very Serious Musician refuses to clarify a lyric and swears it'll go to their grave with them... and then another band member pops up and tells the world.

You wrote the damn thing for people to see and/or hear it. The moment you release it, it is CARRION. As long as you got paid something fair for it (and you probably didn't for TOTALLY UNRELATED reasons), every single artist, archivist, remixer, appropriator, and troublemaker on earth has every right to metabolize it any way they like.

@Phorm (we're still 90% sure she's the same little stripey kitten who tried to play Transom Cat at four weeks old and got herself good and stranded)

@Phorm she remains that most dangerous of creatures, a clever kitten

yup, dashed home to check on her, leaving my laptops brick at cafe in process. she was right there on the porch chair giving me such an innocent look you could *hear* the sparkle effects on her halo

English still really needs an expression for "I don't enjoy your company at all, for reasons that are neither of our fault, but I approve of you and would probably speak up to save your silly ass if it ever came down to it."

No particular referent or incident here, just idle thoughts on the way back from cafe. And betting there are a nonzero number of people who (justifiably) feel that way about me although perhapa without the ass-saving part. n.n;

...

Goddamn it, Artie.

I think she's OK up there. She and Sugarfoot have both been up there before, and when I went to grab the stepladder and rescue them, they each greeted me right on the ground 30 seconds later. So I think she's OK, I think I spotted the tree she gets up and down there with, but...

Dammit Artie!

I'm just gonna go ahead to the cafe and check on her when I get back. If she really is stuck up there, another half-hour won't hurt her and might teach her a lesson...

@kistaro Don't forget Deutsche Bank thinks this is a privilege you should pay extra for.

Set banks on fire early and often.

https://reason.com/2020/11/12/should-remote-workers-pay-a-tax-for-the-privilege-of-using-their-home-as-an-office/