Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@JulieSqveakaroo We need to get a hotline set up for these things!

@JulieSqveakaroo That reminds me, there's one place in Detroit I REALLY wanna visit someday... https://www.dillasdelights.com/

@Leucrotta Triple major in English, History, and Asian Studies. A lot of my classes overlapped so it turned out to be an easy bureaucratic trick to pick up a 3rd major. n.n;

@Leucrotta someday when you can deal with a bout of crushing envy, remind me to tell you about the time the asian studies department at case western discovered we had a $3000 banquet budget that had gone unspent and so they took every single a.s. major to li wah's in downtown cleveland for epic dim sum... and we had two fluent cantonese speakers with us

@LeDiva haha okay the credits are not exactly subtle by the end

@LeDiva ok i can guess a lot of where this is going from the very striking opening credits and i am excited

@LeDiva but i knew something about that boy smelled edible

they worked really hard to make us not miss him

@LeDiva yup

martians seem to have an unerring instinct for when someone's gonna die

granted that's because... well... you know 🐯​

@LeDiva of course the twist is that after a while it's so surreal that it's genuinely disturbing

"WHO IS SPRING-LOADING ALL YOU FREAKING CATS?! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU COME FROM? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?"

"Purr." "Mrow." "Mrap." "Mehr." "Prrp." "Miw."

"Oh for fuck's sake. Yes, we'll feed you all if we survive. We'll even try to find you nice homes. Looks like there isn't any actual monster here anyh--"

*fling* "MROOOOWR!"

"OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! HOW. MANY. CAT. TRAPS. ARE. THER--"

*sproing* "Mrap."

@LeDiva semi-relatedly now i want to see a comedy-horror movie that is literally nothing but 90 minutes of spring-loaded cat jumpscares (with a happy ending for the cats of course), like the feline-horror equivalent of the Fire Ant episode of Space Ghost, or the Reno 911 that's just 22 minutes of unloading a clown car...

@LeDiva 30 seconds in i already have a mental deadpool set up on ryan

@LeDiva I think I'm gonna go for this option, 'cause I do, and 'cause this sounds good enough to be worth going in spoiler-free...

@LeDiva Seriously? I was expecting some kind of American Horror Story foofaraw. I LOVE horror, and will totally seek this out on your recommendation.

corn (2 12 oz. cans)

chicken (6 large skinless thighs)

green peppers (2, chopped)

chili (preferably ancho or guajillo)

*SIGH* (3 cups, world-weary)

onions (2 medium yellow or white, chopped)

@xinjinmeng For what it's worth, the longer I've seen you in action here, the more I've liked you. <3 And I just wanted to let you know someone did take a moment to sympathize with your very valid frustrations. You can be delightfully tart but I don't find it complicated to interact with you here at all, I find it natural and rewarding.

And it's not just you, Lower Decks did absolutely nothing at all for me, and I should have been a real easy sell.

@Leucrotta that's exactly how i felt before ours showed up D: D: D:

i'm not even gonna pretend this is some kind of heartwarming story and a reason you should get a cat-- i'm still scared shitless every day i'm gonna fuck something up for them D:

we have cats because nobody else is gonna care for these little guys and there's no going back to a life without responsibility

it's like i got teen cat pregnant D:

i found some old pics of olive and snowy, sugarfoot's kittens that we raised this winter, and i just happycried for like five minutes

i miss the hell out of them but their new food dude is the sweetest guy and is so proud of them both. it's comforting knowing they're just up the street. their mom even got to meet the kittens' adopted uncle Smokey the other day.

i'm just so happy they're happy and safe and we broke their family's cycle of street life-- gods i wish i could do the same for their aunts, uncles, mom, and grandma

love you, my little boys

^_____________^

...

i really miss being a robot

(singing to Shadow:)

🎵 you're a little smaller than a fox
🎵 so you hide real well inside a box
🎵 you let out a little poot
🎵 and i pet your little snoot
🎵 odds are you'll still be a cat tomorrow

🎵​ secret kitty cat
🎵 secret kitty cat
🎵 you don't know about numbers
🎵 and don't care about your name

@Leucrotta I just can't help thinking about how if this happened on Mars it would've been shark meunière within thirty minutes. 🐯​