Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Artie's been out all morning and stayed on the ground. We have our first Mardi Gras parades tonight so I brought her back in to hang, to give me one less thing to be distracted by while I try to remember how human gatherings work.

I'm not looking forward to it exactly, it's a lot of noise and social after a really anxious week, but it's SO GOOD for the city that we can do this...

(YES I intend to observe the fuck out of any and all city safety measures, and then some. These are smaller parades and our local COVID numbers are looking quite good. This is a calculated risk and kind of a test run. Although I admit it might be less "do I avoid Mardi Gras this year" and more "do I figure out a way to incorporate an N95 respirator into a zebra mask, pronto." :> )

@xinjinmeng If that doesn't work, modulate your frequencies. It always worked for Geordie and Scottie.

If you're still not getting the results you want, maybe try screaming the name of every entity in the cosmos before your lament, one per scream.

I recommend starting with the most powerful otiote patriarchal gods and working your way down to, like, nature spirits and talk show hosts and whatnot.

So Artie was getting really restless, clingy, and nippy and it was driving me crazy.

I need to get work done. I have no time for Crazy Cat Hour. And I realized that the solution to an insane cat is an insane cat.

I let Peebles in. Now they're chasing each other around the apartment. It's complete and utter chaos but at least it's not chaos centered around ME!

I feel like a feline genius.

@KinkyTurtle this is ME here :)

@anthracite

https://store.playstation.com/en-us/product/UP3362-CUSA06943_00-HORSERACING20161

https://store.playstation.com/en-us/product/UP4489-CUSA03442_00-KICKOFF000000000

https://store.playstation.com/en-us/product/UP2043-CUSA01026_00-FOURKINGS0000000

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https://store.playstation.com/en-us/product/UP3643-CUSA01957_00-HATOFULBOYFNDPS4

@001zlnv Yup! Maybe I'll post some photos someday to give everyone a picture of just what a potential engineering and legal clusterfuck this whole situation is. :)

@hystericempress this reminds me that new orleans just got its own beard papa... 🤔​

@001zlnv Nnnnope. If there's one thing I've learned from r/marijuanaenthusiasts*, it's that you do NOT want to fuck with trees on somebody else's legal property.

* r/marijuanaenthusiasts is a Reddit in-joke -- the actual r/trees is the main cannabis subreddit, since that's an old slang term for buds, so a bunch of actual tree-lovers... well, you can figure out the rest yourself. :)

@hystericempress oh ffs, sorry sis, i had a suspicion that might happen-- it was a slot machine bot that pops up three random emoji and a vaguely-related comment every day

today's was a dango emoji and a question like "Are dango inflatable?" So... yeah. You can fill in the rest so to speak. <3

@hystericempress On a related note, did I mention I LOVE your fuckin' marshpoodle? <3

@hystericempress (i guess the really salient question is, is a dango potential inflation tf bait?)

@hystericempress could you answer this one for me?

So here's what I think we're gonna do.

We're pretty sure we've traced Artie's attic route to some spindly trees in the neighbor's yard.

So we just need something to convince her to stay AWAY from those trees.

And we have a couple of friends who are zookeepers at the Audubon.

And they have access to wolf, black bear, leopard, and tiger piss... 😆​

cat is on ground

dealer is scheduled for this afternoon

have easy work on slate

have a bottle of mediocre table wine and six cans of lacroix for spritzers

all is emphatically not right with the world but at least maybe maybe maybe i can have something like a fun day D:

@matias93 @anthracite Oh, believe me, she knows about that whole debate! I won't stop yammering at her about this series of articles. :)

https://www.exurbe.com/machiavelli-s-p-q-f/

@spacewastrel@yiff.life I mean, I considered myself a centrist for the longest time, and I do still think there's a *hypothetical* conservatism that isn't evil, loathsome, and perennially willfully wrong. (We're never gonna see it. It's like how Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Columbo imagine ethical cops-- just because it's imaginable doesn't mean it's achievable.)

But let's put it this way: there's an alternate universe where it's Democrats vs. Scientology. I ain't gonna "split the difference" with one murderous cult whose doctrine is PATENTLY bullshit-- so I ain't gonna do it with the other!

(In other words, hard agree. You can't "split the difference" with people who PROVABLY just... kinda make shit up as it suits them and have little visible morality besides "when we grab power it's good, when you do it it's evil.")

We got her.

Accept this trifle as a celebration.

🎼​We're gonna fill food and water dishes
When Artie comes home
We're gonna buy her a couple fishes
When Artie comes home to stay
We're gonna give her some treats

🎼Sleep on the couch and pettins
Chase Peebs around till the girls say mew
Paw at a glass and break it
When Artie comes home

🎼When Artie comes home
So bad
She's the worst cat we ever had
Princess Poobrain the Dumbhead
At least she's not in the attic
Starvin' til she's dead!

(ORIGINAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg9RyiPKhx8)

@Leucrotta And thus, not with a whimper but with a bang, the Star Wars Holiday Special II begins...

@Leucrotta Me too, hun. Me too. *shudder*

"Yes, you're living in my head rent-free, but much the same could have been said about Senator Martin's daughter and Buffalo Bill. Now be a dear and put the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again."