Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Fun fact:

I was born premature... 1½ times.

My mom tried to push me out after about six months. If I remember her stories correctly, they gave her some kind of treatment to stop the labor... but I got stuck pretty far down the birth canal, with some of her womb muscles contracted around my head.

I was finally born "only" a month premature, at something like 2 lbs. 8 oz. I also had a lovely tonsure-like ring of bruises around my head.

The obstetrician on duty apparently had trouble getting me out with forceps, the bruising got worse, and he told my mom I was going to be, quote, "profoundly retarded," the plates of my skull would never separate properly. He told her I would never learn to feed myself, and would probably be dead by six. (He lost his license years later for unrelated incompetence.)

Thankfully, my Aunt Pauline was a retired RN and had a good friend in Cleveland who was a neurologist. She looked my skull over for 2-3 minutes, waved a penlight in front of me, and (I'm told) watched me coo and grasp at random things with great curiosity. She basically said "yeah, um, fuck that guy, your baby's gonna be fine."

Heh, I sure proved her wrong. :D

According to my mom, I got left on some state list of special-needs children and shortly after my 5th birthday they sent a social worker over. Mom was not happy. She called me downstairs and had me read bits of the dictionary out loud at the poor guy. We never heard from them again. :)

Sometimes, though... I do wonder if something didn't get squished in there after all. You know... that vital part of the brain that prevents normal people from turning into a tiger. =^____^;=

#2019LifestyleGoals

2 Gryphon turned up in my Youtube recs and now I'm gonna have to pray nobody at the airport is a bald guy with stupid-looking shades, douchey facial hair, and a smug grin. During air travel, I know I will NOT have the willpower or cognitive faculties remaining to not punch them.

I'm kidding, of course, but still. I probably *would* punch the real one. -___-

@Leucrotta Yeah, but after yesterday's travel delays, putting on that kind of face is the LAST thing I can do. :) I think I spent my entire Charm Pool on the United ticketing agent last night. (It worked, though. You wanna talk about a look of delight on somebody's face-- that poor overworked bastard when I told him I didn't insist on flying out first thing in the morning, and could even wait til Sunday if I had to...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_y8DfbRbY0

#moodsnapshot #oldmeme
#CallItTrololoAndIWillEatYourFace

I woke up in a magical land where the beds are soft (so soft my back hurts), the the cookies are free (but you only get one), the ginger ale flows like soda water (because their bar's soda fountain was broken), and nobody ever gets kicked out of the lobby for being black (except when they do).

Thanks, Doubletree!

(Actually, it was fine except for the queasy feeling of staying at a Doubletree after the Jermaine Massey incident, even at United's expense. C'est l'air.)

@Leucrotta man, if chicago had any decent late-night cake delivery services i would be REAL tempted

@Leucrotta actually the dude gave me
like $40 in meal vouchers for being chill about everything so he is a tiger best friend forever =^______^=

settled in the o'hare doubletree, flying out tomorrow afternoon

i'm honestly not too uptight about it, it's not like i had anything urgent to do in seattle besides dragon petting, getting stoned, and glowtide in like three whole days

haha nvm, current theory is that the gate agent just doesn't quite grasp how time zones work u_u

oh, well. will keep y'all posted.

@JulieSqveakaroo I... I don't think I wanna play Pac-Man for a couple days after watching that Bandersnatch thing. >___>;;

Okay, the poor overworked agent at the counter SWORE up and down I'd probably be able to make my connection, even though it's only 15 minutes, and involves going between terminals.

I'm skeptical, but at least there's hope, and the consequences still don't sound all that bad if he's wrong. Best case: home on time. Next best: free hotel and looks like a morning flight is probably available. Worst likely case: they won't cover the hotel and I'm out a bit of Xmas money. Worst possible case: I snap completely and devour an airline agent. 🐯

If you don't see headlines tomorrow about Chicago Animal Control being called to O'Hare, things are going fine. ​

OK, far as I can tell, United's policy is they've gotta rebook me, and they've gotta put me up in a hotel if I'm stuck overnight, unless it's over an "act of god" type thing like a weather event. And the weather at ORD is looking just fine.

So at this point... meh. Barring some Kafkaesque bureaucratic runaround, they pretty much have to get me home on their own dime sooner or later. And hell, there's even a Hilton right at the airport, and I'm seeing bookings for it on priceline etc.

Meanwhile, I have my laptop, decent wireless and my mom's Netflix credentials, Peg's iPad, a copy of One-Deck Dungeon, a water fountain, and a bag of wasabi peas.

So I'm just gonna chill and try to enjoy this as much as I can. Currently in Akron-Canton, will update when I reach Chicago.

cc: @anthracite <3

Hey, past Rezy! I just wanted to thank you on behalf of me and near-future Rezy for having the foresight to pack all those solitaire board games in your carry-on luggage. Looks like I might need them...

Flight delayed, _just_ enough that I can either run at breakneck speed from gate to gate and probably miss it anyhow, or give in and wait god knows how long in Chicago, possibly overnight.

Fun times!

@zx3 I hope I can find time to drop in soon now that the holiday chaos is over!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S JEFF MINTER

attn: @anthracite

Okay, I guess that's 5 out of 5 endings. I'm going to have one more go, just to look for hidden footage and check for some potential easter eggs, and then I think I'm done until the Internet has inevitably dissected the whole thing.

Mostly happy with it. Definitely going to make Anthy run through it with me. Biggest regret: wish they'd dealt with Bandersnatch and the book/game's inner mythology a bit more deeply. There might be more about Pax in there somewhere.

Also, I want see if maybe Stefan likes the Sugar Puffs better. I mean, when you've got a lion-headed demon running about, it's probably best to avoid Tony the Tiger, just to be safe.

Not to mention that they PRACTICALLY FUCKING TOLD the press you don't get to see most of the story unless you replay, and replay, and replay. The hints that Stefan "learns" from his Groundhog Days could not have been stronger.

Our critics are not ready for this medium-- or at least, Kelly Lawler of USA Today wasn't, and I guess that's no surprise. *elitist sniff* And it's going to be hilarious to watch people like them founder.

"But every ending should be satisfying. Every story should be equally strong." Doesn't that defy the entire point of this exercise? Isn't it a bit daft to approach it like a film, where you can just sit passively and expect inevitable narrative fulfillment-- instead of like a game, where there's a _long_ tradition of having to earn it?!

I condemn this critic to an eternity stuck in an Infocom game, griping that the ending where she gets eaten by the grue wasn't fulfilling enough, and walking away in a huff. Everyday. Learning nothing. Forever.

Memo to self:

I wonder what happens if you input Stefan's patient number instead of the five-digit number you're blatantly told to? I wonder if there are still other five-digit numbers hidden in the film(s)?

Meanwhile, read my first review. They complained that the ending they got wasn't satisfying and, without apology, never went back to look at the rest. Then they dismissed it as gimmicky. Could someone please explain the concept of the Choose Your Own Adventure to this little sprat?