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re: mood, media, gripe, rawr (-) 

@balinares Oh! Since you were kind enough to ask in the first place, I should give you an encouraging update -- the reasons I did not pursue a therapist before were mostly related to health insurance nonsense. (America, I know, right?)

But my employer's open enrollment period starts in a couple of weeks, and there's at least a _chance_ I can make all these bureaucratic problems go away just by switching to a better, hopefully also cheaper, plan. No guarantee until they send us this year's plan documents, but there's a chance!

Thanks again for caring, hun. <3 I do owe you a good live chat in whatever medium, sometime soon.

mortality (but + maybe?), drugs 

it's weird and it says a lot about me... as i sit here stoned and reflective... that every time something beautiful and precious comes into my life, my thoughts turn first and foremost to HARROWING THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND LOSS.

Probably trauma from losing my dad so young. I dunno. I've been braced for another hammer blow out of nowhere since I was age 12.

So yeah, the kittens have me all reflective. Peg's playing with the other cats in the next room -- and holding goofy conversations -- and cruelly reminding me of all the reasons I'm so lucky and grateful to have her. And all I can think about is how much it's gonna suck to lose any part of it.

I am the worst worst worst Buddhist. (Luckily I am a tiger and thus all the Dharma _really_ expects out of me is to maul the occasional strawberry-thievin' Zen monk.)

Anyhow yeah in summary i really really really should have gotten more aerobic exercise in the last 45 years and i really hope i don't keel over and I should really get back on seeing a shrink about this stuff as soon as COVID and my insurance are straightened out... :p

i have been so focused on all the things that could go wrong that i never thought about what a blessing this could turn out to be

i mean

kittens

i have never had a kitten before. never really even had a cat. (i still keep telling myself this doesn't count...)

also yup i have been wondering for several minutes if that peeping sound i had been hearing was them or the birds outside, but i'm pretty sure the twins just got their first line of dialogue

you're still gettin' paid scale, kids 😼​

re: meta discourse meta, personal 

@mawr It's not an easy task for the soff. *hug* It makes your bravery in these matters that much more meaningful. Thank you for all you do. <3

trivial correction 

(sugarfoot, not shadow, in the above post -- thankfully peg gave shadow a cursory belly exam and, well, if she's pregnant too she's not nearly as far along **sigh** )

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re: Meta 

@Austin_Dern @MadestMadness

🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​🙀​

cw: drugs 

god dammit and our dealer is supposedly finally gonna come through for us tonight -- i'm gonna have to get high in a different room, last thing the newbs need is smoke or chemical exposure right now...

luckily our neighbors don't give a shit and it's warm out so "hitting the bong naked on the back patio" is both an available and appealing alternative XD

Oh.

*looks over at box in the middle of well-lit bedroom*

Huh.

*tears well up a little*

Okay.

We love you too, Sugarfoot. ;_;

random selection on unattended youtube autoplay:

"David Bowie - Cat People - Putting Out Fires"

not funny, eris >___<

re: species feeling, pregnancy/mom feels, shitposty 

@Oneironott

sugarfoot, right now: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY, KID

poor thing

;) <3

yeah i am definitely giving up on working a full work week this week

*sigh*

@Oneironott assuming nothin' turns tragic or anything expect lots of pics as soon as mama is willing to get out of the way for any length of time

now because i am an asshole i am going to play Blank Banshee's "Teen Pregnancy" at sugarfoot, albeit at a gentle low volume 'cause she's got enough stress without humans being sarcastic at her

youtube.com/watch?v=RQxDM2K-hd

yeah this account will basically be un-cwed feline maternity ward for the foreseeable future, let me know if that's a big problem

two healthy lookin little grey-black lumps so far, definitely alive and squirming and peeping

they are adorable as fuck and i teared up a bunch as i said welcome to our world guys

i did venture a tiny little pet to the back of sugarfoot's neck just to reassure her and she didn't seem to mind at all -- i kept my stupid paw WELL away from the babies

@Soreth luckily my first reaction was "let's give her a few minutes to recover from the first kitten... and then let's very gently move this box to MY room where the floor is linoleum and can be rendered completely devoid of competing physical objects esp. porous ones D:

brace yrselves, if things do get veterinarily complicated there will almost certainly need to be a gofundme because we were already getting close to flat broke

thank god my boss still loves me

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we will do what we can for you sugarfoot, we even decided if there's a complication, yeah, we will find a 24 hr vet and go into debt for you

no greater love hath dragon and tiger for stupid horny minipanther and her... two so far... adorable thrashing gremlin lumps

i just really hope your mom isn't in similar straits, though i guess we do have another box and sacrificable blanket 🙀​

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no time for a kitty alert

holy fuck shadow has already dropped two kittens in the box we were preparing for her just in case our hunch she was preggers was right

it was so very right 🙀​

so far looks like the conventional wisdom is "just give her food, litter, water, and a nesting box and LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE" but if you have any other advice we are not in a position to turn it away

especially about just how much poop i should expect to clean off my floor in the next 6-8 weeks 🙀​🙀​🙀​

i have never identified so thoroughly with a comedy bang bang character.

youtube.com/watch?v=YFEWGJZkTm [cw: arguably fatphobic but i'm sorry it's still funny as shit; also TERRIBLE raccoon-grade food combinations]

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