Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@Soreth @xinjinmeng o/` Look for the feline label... o/`

@Soreth @xinjinmeng I mean, at least you're REAL LIZARDS. After close scrunity, I'm about 80% sure those "leopard women" are just primates in suits! (We're still waiting for the photoanalysis to come back from Central Martian Intelligence**.)

**also just Artie

I really need a mood-booster, but you know what? Mysteriously there don't seem to be ANY pulse-pounding rock anthems about getting over an ear infection.

@xinjinmeng Still. Those are pretty nice head guns. I should talk to R&D*.

*Artie

@xinjinmeng Tawdry feline wannabes.😾​

I am formally obliged by outstanding diplomatic arrangements with Terran governments to issue the following warning:

I have reached the point where more than 50% of my personal and sociopolitical problems are solvable with fire.

I do not currently have means to produce fire in sufficient amounts to solve any of these problems except for "I have a raw fish and I want a cooked fish."

When I do acquire such means, there will be an appropriate follow-up announcement, as per the Treaty of Ow Ow Ow My That's My Shoulder You Stupid Fucking Space Cat You Said We Were At Peace (AD 3004).

(This announcement will include the customary ceremonial immolation of a few Terran captives. We've got some lovely ones singled out for abduction.)

Oh, right:

*disputed

Damn these legal technicalities. I should really just figure out who's still disputing this and have them eaten by space panthers.

So the Kiwi Farms trolls have driven yet another person to suicide. I didn't know the victim, but I know this isn't the first.

And I don't dare say it openly on Twitter, but I am about ready for some serious dirty tricks to happen against these people. I would donate.

Lives need to be ruined for this, publicly and permanently and unrepentantly. I want oceans of troll tears.

Today I learned the Brazilians will put beef stroganoff on a pizza.

I redid the math three times and damned if I can prove them wrong. 🤷​

FUN FACT: Gender is a fully objective description of genitals and X/Y genetics, totally irrespective of cultural norms. This is why every bottle of Old Spice has a tiny penis and testicles hidden in the bottom of the container and every daiquiri must contain >2.5% ova by volume.

That moment when you're a month and a half into a case of chronic swimmer's ear (even though you don't swim) and you look at that bottle of toilet bowl cleanser and think, "Hmm, it's got peroxide AND bleach AND that comfy looking little nozzle..."

I'm so fucking tired of this.

@Leucrotta I feel like this should be the least kosher food by definition somehow...? :D Have a nice democratic dulce de membrillo or goiabada instead. :>

@Leucrotta *hugs you and smiles placidly* Sweetie? I'm engaged to PEGGY. You can still enumerate the tits on your own, with the naked eye, and without advanced mathematical notation. Consider yourself lucky.

@anthracite

oh look i have a new nickname for the proud boys

@Leucrotta I'm hoping to get Tommy Lee Jones for this role. Failing that, Sam Elliott. *nod*

@LexYeen grr

@LexYeen *squints real dirty at you while she faves* >___<

Oof. We're up to six em dashes.

*doffs her fishing hat and looks solemnly at the ground*

There's no hope for the poor bastard. Because I tend to use them for sentences like "Your research on this task is really good—but your conclusions raise some issues."

@monsterblue (Watching over it again, I gotta confess Raisin is kinda Personality Development Goals for me. I long to be that calm and sweet on the surface but that efficient at humiliating bullies. :) )

@monsterblue Or to recommend another Spumco-style-adjacent but John-free animator... I could kinda see something entertaining done in the style of John Dilworth, the guy behind Courage the Cowardly Dog, especially this old Liquid Television short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5vGJEJwIWE