Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

@001zlnv Nnnnope. If there's one thing I've learned from r/marijuanaenthusiasts*, it's that you do NOT want to fuck with trees on somebody else's legal property.

* r/marijuanaenthusiasts is a Reddit in-joke -- the actual r/trees is the main cannabis subreddit, since that's an old slang term for buds, so a bunch of actual tree-lovers... well, you can figure out the rest yourself. :)

@hystericempress oh ffs, sorry sis, i had a suspicion that might happen-- it was a slot machine bot that pops up three random emoji and a vaguely-related comment every day

today's was a dango emoji and a question like "Are dango inflatable?" So... yeah. You can fill in the rest so to speak. <3

@hystericempress On a related note, did I mention I LOVE your fuckin' marshpoodle? <3

@hystericempress (i guess the really salient question is, is a dango potential inflation tf bait?)

@hystericempress could you answer this one for me?

So here's what I think we're gonna do.

We're pretty sure we've traced Artie's attic route to some spindly trees in the neighbor's yard.

So we just need something to convince her to stay AWAY from those trees.

And we have a couple of friends who are zookeepers at the Audubon.

And they have access to wolf, black bear, leopard, and tiger piss... 😆​

cat is on ground

dealer is scheduled for this afternoon

have easy work on slate

have a bottle of mediocre table wine and six cans of lacroix for spritzers

all is emphatically not right with the world but at least maybe maybe maybe i can have something like a fun day D:

@matias93 @anthracite Oh, believe me, she knows about that whole debate! I won't stop yammering at her about this series of articles. :)

https://www.exurbe.com/machiavelli-s-p-q-f/

@spacewastrel@yiff.life I mean, I considered myself a centrist for the longest time, and I do still think there's a *hypothetical* conservatism that isn't evil, loathsome, and perennially willfully wrong. (We're never gonna see it. It's like how Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Columbo imagine ethical cops-- just because it's imaginable doesn't mean it's achievable.)

But let's put it this way: there's an alternate universe where it's Democrats vs. Scientology. I ain't gonna "split the difference" with one murderous cult whose doctrine is PATENTLY bullshit-- so I ain't gonna do it with the other!

(In other words, hard agree. You can't "split the difference" with people who PROVABLY just... kinda make shit up as it suits them and have little visible morality besides "when we grab power it's good, when you do it it's evil.")

We got her.

Accept this trifle as a celebration.

🎼​We're gonna fill food and water dishes
When Artie comes home
We're gonna buy her a couple fishes
When Artie comes home to stay
We're gonna give her some treats

🎼Sleep on the couch and pettins
Chase Peebs around till the girls say mew
Paw at a glass and break it
When Artie comes home

🎼When Artie comes home
So bad
She's the worst cat we ever had
Princess Poobrain the Dumbhead
At least she's not in the attic
Starvin' til she's dead!

(ORIGINAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg9RyiPKhx8)

@Leucrotta And thus, not with a whimper but with a bang, the Star Wars Holiday Special II begins...

@Leucrotta Me too, hun. Me too. *shudder*

"Yes, you're living in my head rent-free, but much the same could have been said about Senator Martin's daughter and Buffalo Bill. Now be a dear and put the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again."

Artie spotted in attic, noisily displeased but intact.

Plan A is get her tomorrow.

@spottyfox Yeah, but you KNOW what subculture they're going to belong to... ;O

(After the way the Juggalos have come out tough against fascism lately, though, I'm... I'm fine with it honestly.)

@spacewastrel@yiff.life Thank you, seriously, the reassurances from Experienced Pet Friends are VERY helpful and everyone is morally off the hook if the worst *does* happen somehow. Artie... knew what this meant. *hug*

I might have gone a TAD too far with this one but it makes me laugh and I really need that today.

Perked up somewhat after Artie spotted this morning, by which I mean, I at least stopped physically shaking and feeling queasy.

Dealer has been summoned for an emergency delivery tomorrow. :)

But yeah, Artie was pokin' her head out as we took off for cafe, and her mews were like knives through my heart. I have ZERO resistance to her being sad. ;___;

Puttin' all my faith in Bast, Peg, and all your reassurances that she'll be OK up there. To the best of our knowledge (and contrary to my panicky helicopter-parent imaginings) there's nothing particularly dangerous in that attic, as long as we FEED AND WATER her within a day or so, and she's not *quite* dumb enough to attempt an escape leap she can't handle.

God, this fucking sucks. :O Peg was quite opposed to having Artie as an indoor cat again when/if we rescue her, but has been SUPER SUPER GOOD about accepting I will be A WRECK any day she's stuck up there, and letting me negotiate to just figure out what specifically about an Indoor Artie drives her nuts.

(We might be hitting up Cat Folk for some training advice if all goes well with the rescue. If not... well... you'll always be my hero, Artie, you stupid stupid adventure cat.)

artie confirmed alive, poked head out attic and mewed, still stuck ofc

rescue tomorrow prolly, and if she doesn't show herself when summoned i guess we just leave water and a LITTLE food and let her ponder her cat crimes in solitary a little longer

god i hate all this, i wanna get her out of that building then burn it right down

Ugh.

(life, not y'all <3 )