Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

My stupid old calcified brain keeps forgetting that "genderqueer" and "non-binary" are THINGS now and I don't have to either double down on being trans or walk away.

That was my bad. :) There are still some major tectonic shifts happening in my gender, and they are definitely motivated in part by the desire to voluntarily soak up some of the anti-cis and anti-male stigma out of pure stubbornness. :p

But I keep forgetting I have other, less contentious options. Sorry! =^_^;=

The ultimate revenge of the alt-right will be turning us as shitty as themselves.

(If this concerns any of you, just remember the universal tiger language: a swift bop to the nose means "it's over, settle down." Just ask poor longsuffering @acetone_kitten, who is probably only alive today because of this handy protocol. =^___^= )

Now, don't get your hopes up TOO much. You are ALL still potentially subject to being eaten, and sooner or later I hope to get around to everybody. All tiger friends double as emergency rations.

It's just that I'm eating the TERFs, queerphobes, and authoritarians *first*, and they should keep me full for years to come. I figure you've got until about 2030, maybe longer if I keep dieting. =^__________^=

I may or may not have worked out some of my frustrations by seeking out and eating a few TERFs on Reddit.

I regret nothing, nothing whatsoever.

*burp* Excuse me. =n_n=

#TERFsAreFood #NotFriends

Twilight and Celestia lied to us all. The real Luna is still on the moon, weeping, and Friendship doesn't do jack shit.

Fight me.

Orrrrr maybe I just really needed to eat something. :)

The Emotional Stuff is still Stuff, but it's not gnawing it me anymore now that I've mauled, broken the neck of, and devoured a bowl of chicken noodle.

Also, this coldflu has been absolutely fantastic in one way: apparently I've lost five more pounds to it. Shit, apologize to my boss and gimme another one. I'll be in full-body latex again by June assuming I don't die. XD

#moodsnapshot

In happier news, this is the sort of relationship I strive for... and pretty much have! I have so many good things to say about @anthracite this year, but the first and foremost: she has never, ever, EVER left me hanging on a potential comedy bit. ^__^

(Er, the valleys comment doesn't mean that I don't have plenty of friends and that you don't bring me happiness... It's just that the social anxiety has been at a fever pitch CONSTANTLY since The Bad Things Happened, and there's so much unresolved and still stuck in my brain, and... running my social heuristics comes with a certain amount of worry and discomfort even with my favorite people. I'm sorry. I'm doing what I can. Maybe I'll make a comeback someday. Don't hold yer breath.)

That's not passive-aggression. I really am looking forward to a degree of numbness. I've been trying to arrange my life so that I get less and less of these peaks and valleys from my social contacts, 'cause it mostly feels like valleys these days. Too much has fallen apart too fast, unsurprisingly that had a toll, and right now I really just want to retire to the emotional equivalent of a sanitarium in the Alps, where my biggest conflict is what kind of muesli I'll have that morning. :p

Honestly, from your perspective, the best strategy is to just keep your distance and let me roar and scratch and whimper. TBH, my faith in the Power Of Friendship is at an all-time ebb, and too much attention to my problems just makes me... nervous, because it's one more fucking opportunity to fuck things up when my emotions get tangled up with somebody else's worldview.

I'm learning a certain independence. That's good. Before long, I won't feel anything at all when this happens.

I guess I just go with the old Livejournal strategy: write openly about it until either someone comes along with a wrench and fixes it for me, or there is a huge drama and everybody is sad and angry because I accidentally triggered somebody's own sensitivity in the process.

Nah, that doesn't sound like much fun. I think I'll go with the Masto strategy instead: write AROUND the problem, frustrate EVERYBODY with my vagueness, and then go right the fuck back to bed.

(I suppose by many definitions I'm OK, but there's a big old issue sticking in my mental craw that is giving me flashbacks to recent Bad Things. I am in a tough position, because silence risks building it into a Big Bad Thing, and talking about it risks hurting people's feelings -- basically the exact same thing I went through daily at Transliminal, and we see how well that went. I wish I were better at just sucking this stuff up and moving on, since I doubt this is interesting to read.)

Today's big question: should I pretend I'm okay?

There are a lot of good arguments on either side.

Hmm, maybe I can just write a big old wall of text, and if I make it lighthearted and rambling enough, people will think it's just self-satire. That's a plus: posting too much about your emotional issues gets you labeled the "sad one."

Nah, that never works. Too much real feeling always leaks through. Maybe the furry approach, "one thousand sad rawrs?" Nah, too cute.

Silence is better.

epilogue:

did not write

did not send

caved in

fuck me

good night

hey on second thought let's just spend the rest of the evening writing, deleting, and rewriting the same plea to be taken seriously

Could anybody out there who's familiar with UK politics and history explain the "Windrush" thing to me, including the current controversy, in 500 characters or less? Thank you, Wikipedia is just looking like a slog and I can't find the actual thread of the current news items in the flood of info.

(And if you tell me I'm not in a het relationship, I WILL ACTUALLY FIGHT YOU. :) But I don't suspect I'll get a lot of resistance on that one, and I realize the Coyote Gayness that @acetone_kitten smeared all over me will never, ever go away. :) )

(Don't worry about it too much. You lot frustrate and annoy me like siblings. The alt-right just makes me want to set them on fire. There is zero defection risk and absolutely nothing they can ever offer me.)