Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

In better news, several friends from the CabbitAnalytics@Twitter days have popped up here, and it's restoring a bit of my faith that we'll all meet up in the Supercontext someday and be happy after all.

And I got a few inside tips from a friend that dispelled a lot of my guilt and self-hate over Transliminal stuff. Thanks, you know who you are. <3

Now my mood is good enough to... um... write about Alien Pony Tragedy again! (Sorry, Noa... it's a living. I promise good things by Ch. 5.)

I dunno. This was supposed to be an attempt to talk about a bad dream, not to finally open up about everything that happened. If nobody was all that curious before, I don't know why they would be now.

Maybe missing Bandaza has got it on my mind, even though I'd already resolved to skip it regardless. Whatever.

Anyhow. The dragon is spiky and a little cold-blooded but she *never* leaves me feeling like I'm supposed to guess what I did wrong. Life's less cozy but less confusing.

...I think? I honestly have no idea to this day.

But I do know that I was using the word "zugzwang" on a daily basis back then. ("A chess position in which every single possible move would hurt you, and you'd like to pass your turn but you can't.")

Firing me into the sun like they did sure ended that sense of zugzwang. I'm grateful for that. (And incidentally, for the YEARS of free rent and sincere attempts to care for someone who could be very, very difficult when depressed.)

I'm still confused as hell by the whole thing. I still to this day have absolutely no idea what specific I said to make them go from friendly and recovering (as far as I know) to Defcon 1 in a day's time. I can think of a lot of things, but I swear to the gods, during that last exchange that she blocked me for, I was confused and upset at Kristy, not angry or hostile at the least. She *had* to misconstrue at least one piece of genuine well-wishing in order to take offense...

It's all right, sort of. I've run the math in my head a thousand times. There's no way of recovering from this. In every single scenario, it looks like either I did something unforgivable or they did. There's no away around it.

And they did me a big favor. I was stuck in a rut there, feeling superfluous and unreal, lonely every day among four other people. I miss them and it's lonely here outside the stream of Big Group Furry Socialization. But I did not thrive there all alone.

I had a dream about them. I had an argument with Jessie and left Kristy a question about where I stood, and got back a lengthy message telling me I was still loved and valid, and explaining exactly what had happened at length-- the exact opposite pairing it actually happened with, with the exact opposite result.

Clearly some part of my subconscious still thinks some kind of good resolution is possible from them someday. I guess I have to work harder to disabuse it of that notion.

Ate something. Drank something. Harassed dragon. By feline standards, I have already achieved complete victory over today. So I'm going back to bed for about 23-25 hours. Have a good "morning" or whatever you suckers who actually do things and see people call it.

OTOH, I have four quarts of posole that is almost too hot for *me* to eat, and a distinct masochistic streak, so I got that going for me which is nice.

Also, dragon. Dragon is stressed and a little distant while she deals with dragon.style issues, but she's still a dragon and even a preoccupied dragon is very gratifying to pet.

And I started looking at NOLA neighborhoods last night. Bywater looks nice and we can actually afford it. All new set, all new series, all new cast. *shrug*

Weird, melancholy morning. Just floating here among flotsam from the past, feeling adrift, just trying to fend off entropy instead of actually going anywhere.

Got a little bit of Parallax written last night. It was The Sad Part, so I don't know, maybe I triggered my own separation anxieties in the process.

Maybe it'll all work out in the long run. Some depressive part of me says I'm probably better off with fans than friends anyway, 'cause there's far less opportunity to hurt 'em.

⚠️​​☕​➡️​🐯​

Haha, nope, here we go! SQUAWWWWWRRRAAAWWRRRK! *bite*

(Source: http://lizardshuffle.tumblr.com/post/119546495894/iguanamouth-kept-getting-requests-for-gryphons)

Pondering gryphons. I'm about as grumpy as the stereotypical MLP gryphon, so maybe this is the in-road to birbdom I've been looking for?

The cat half should be easy, though in my experience lions are kinda wusses. 😇​😺​❤️​ Bird, I dunno. There's something very ignoble and Not Eagle about me, so the conventional pairing is out.

Maybe a crow/ocelot. Crosselot! Or servow? Crynx? Something small, fiesty, darty, and profoundly likely to steal your lunch right off the picnic table.

CURRENT ESTIMATED DEPRESSION/FOOD EQUIVALENCY RATING:

1.0 kg bacon eaten in 1.0 sittings ± 2 metric cupcakes

http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/Hungry_Shark

#moodsnapshot
#gonnaeatyourkids

There is a big alien cat
Whose misanthropy's making her fat
Two TERFs and three Keks
And some Trumpian wrecks
In her belly are currently at

(True story! =^___^= )

Some kid posted a meme to Reddit with a (fake, yet!) Bruce Lee quote about the Buddhistic value of logic and emotional detachment.

His username had "kek" in it, and I smelled neckbeard, so I read his comment history, and found some *really* virulent racism.

So I ate him. And I felt like a bad Buddhist for a while... but I've accepted that I'm really just fulfilling the lead role in that "Tiger and the Strawberry" koan.

Hope he enjoyed his strawberry. 🐯​🍓​❤️​

"And that was the thing about it, it's not as if a cousin had promised something and taken it away. It was like nobody could share my so-called dreams, which really meant none of it was happening, and that reach around midnight left her with just about that, nothing. There's not anything particular about it either, and I think the whole thing gets vaguer every second, but I am too and there's nothing wrong with that."

#moodsnapshot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB7iPiFExN4&feature=youtu.be&t=328

HUGGBEES!

Go ahead. Try it. HUGGBEES!

#TigersStillDontGraspWhatSubtootsAre
#Freakazoid
#ALittleNostalgiaForYouOldFolks

Today I exercised twice, only ate ~1½ meals total, passed up several opportunities for messy dessert, and am about to finish my workweek a day early.

What the hell kind of freak am I becoming?

This is the original intro to the MLP Movie. It got canned.

Step 1: Find a Hasbro executive.
Step 2: Kill them.
Step 3: Find another.
Step 4: Beat them with the one from Step 1.
Step 5: Repeat until they stop ruining everything they touch.

What a complete fucking waste of someone's talent and effort, by some fucknugget who's probably never pushed a pixel in their life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oMY5YRdhAQ