Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Today’s #drawings - tightened a sacrificial ceremony with acolytes dancing to summon a dread fiend lord, and a grim company of dwarf (and apparently Czech?) musketeers in armor stand on a hill.

#drawing from last night, but posting it today; a harpy leaps towards halfling prey.

self acceptance is the only sane way to respond to people who may react to you with love, admiration, denigration, or a complete disregard for who you are except in so much as you're convenient to them, and all without *you* having changed a bit.

"Those aren't birds sweetheart, they're *giant vampire bats*." #MovieQuotes #Soundtrack

If you’re really into kemono suits does that make you a weeabuWu?

Hey kids did you guess it’s Self Esteem Plunges Through the Floor O’Clock? It’s Self Esteem Plunges Through the Floor O’Clock.

Hey as long as I’m thinking about cooking here is some homemade sweet and sour sauce over fried catfish last Thursday before my mood crashed and I deleted a batch of posts.

Holy shit I didn’t know you could glaze in LIGHTER colors on miniatures. This is huge if I can ever get back into painting minis.

Trying to think this out & tell myself;
* I have a right to look for better housing because what I’ve got now is legitimately unsustainable.
* I have a right to look for a better job because what I have is sustainable but not comfortable.
* I’d still have a right to look for a better job and better housing even if I had rent I could easily cover and a job I liked.
* looking for new work or housing is difficult for me, and if I can get past the learned helplessness I still need to pace it better.

The good news is, for obvious reasons I didn’t enjoy a worldview rooted in crappy self worth, and I cope a lot better with more acceptance.

The worse news; these crummy experiences were still terrible, the bitterness, distrust, anger, poverty and lost time are still there even if my acceptance of self changes, and it is very likely too late for me to truly get what I want in life as a result.

The bad news again, is that for literally decades I went with a definition of self which was hugely artifactual; just getting slammed with criticism with very few positives, really frequently, usually by abusive people, when I already felt trapped and stuck, already a terrible association from PTSD. These shitty experiences don’t really say anything about me; I could actually be an amazing saintly genius, a worthless stupid failure, or anything in between.

definitely one of those "joy will come again, it's just hard to remember this right now" moments.

there was a young girl whose smile was a frown
'cause she was crippled for life and she couldn't speak a sound
and she wished and prayed she could stop livin', so she decided to die.
She drove her wheelchair to the edge of the shore
and to her legs she smiled, "You won't hurt me no more"
but then a sight she never seen made her jump and say,
"Look a golden winged ship is heading my way!"

And it didn't really have to stop.

It just kept on goin'.

And some castles made of sand slip into the sea, eventually.

this is American top 40! Here on the radio station you grew up with, music radio 138 OH FUCK! #SongLyrics #CaseyKasem

"there are four distinct types of loneliness identified by psychologists: emotional, social, situational and chronic" yeah and all of them are at least *kinda* connected to capitalism, or entirely due to capitalism if you're left-leaning enough.

holy crap this Kyuss/Queens of the Stone Age album is awesome (also how's that work, since aren't they the same people?)

… so I guess what I want is a middle way to be pissed off which honors my need to not be miserable but which also honors that I have every right to be pissed off at stuff this crappy.

Lots of related thoughts; hating when parties/Faire/weekends/cons end, wishing I actively liked my day job, looking at other folks’ apartments and wondering what they’re like, what it’d be like to live there.