-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space
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Species: Neoprene Otter (Otterprene)
Gender: Modular/Toy
Pronouns: ve/ver or they/them
Location: Halcyon <-> Seattle
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Vloelei Saleizhu [ID: HLY-2756-β]
Dreamer of many dreams and realities
Software Developer, Writer, Music Mixer and Producer, Leftist, proponent of morphological freedom, extremely otherkin and plural, and as positive as I can be.
Headmates with @Silverwing
Joined Apr 2017
@Ulfra_Wolfe@witches.town @Thaminga @KawaSeadrake
MAGIC
GODS HECKIN MAGIC
woo, high toots
HOW MANY GODAMN LAYERS -ARE THERE-
binder, bare midriff
@tastymochafox SO HECKIN GOOD AND CUTE AAAA
@makyo guess what??you’re also cute????
personal
@KawaSeadrake sometimes i’m terribly afraid that all of this is for nothing. I’m afraid that… not just that i don’t know what i’m doing, but i’m chasing something futile.
Led clear across this country because…
I don’t feel human.
And these folks understand.
The truth is i’m terrified and i don’t know what i’m doing. All i know is how right being here feels, and thankfully it’s often enough to let me not worry so much about the details
Vloelei you really need to find a better way to crosspost things to or from twitter so you don't have to keep copying your threads here
Toyness
That isn't to say I have to be in one to be a toy though. I can still roll with that idea. I have no owner. I have pretty strict criteria for someone who would be one, and I'm certainly open to it...
but there's many types of relationships and perhaps for the most part I consider my toyness to be my relationship with the world, myself... and in a different way, my relationship with my friends and my community.
After all, I'm a toy. I want them (you!) to be happy.
Toyness
It also means that if I can't focus? if I do mess up? *motions a few posts back* Depression won't take that and run with it. I'm loved. I help. I'm doing good. I -am- good, because I am a toy and toys are good.
And here's the thing that -I- never understood until I realized all that.
That's what a lot of d/s relationships -are about-. It's about what those dynamics allow us to or... give permission for us to do, act, think differently.
Toyness
It's a mindspace in which Being A Toy comes with very innate, unquestionable things.
It means that I help. it means folks care about me.. for me. To feel alone? unloved? to worry about being in that state? it's silly for a toy to even question or think in such a way.
it means that I don't have to worry. Racing thoughts of failure or disappointment? executive function issues causing it to be -reaallllyyy- difficult to focus?
I don't need to worry. Only obey.
or in most casual cases: Do.
Toyness
Being a toy is important to me. Just as important as other aspects of my identity. I relate to it not just on a level of purpose (pleasing others, spreading joy, etc) but being synthetic, created, as a strong metaphor for neuroatypical, identity-weird existence.
It's a way around certain fears or my anxiety, because being a toy is its' own mindspace that, mostly my weird (meant endearingly ;) ) postfurry community has granted that is a sort of.... elevated nonpersonhood.
prose (2/2), toy/synthetic feels
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of silicon and fiber
in a world that sees me alien
so I am, unabashedly inhuman
alchemizing ontological dissonance
into my inorganic bones
prose (1/2), toy/synthetic feels
My soft, synthetic heart
Dreams of freedom of form
not to achieve imperfection
or any notion of godhood
but seize a peace in myself
that I've never had
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of soft glow
and circuit veins
no egotistic gains
just empathic flow
an inner calm
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of life without
melancholic inner pain
dissonance inside my brain
no want for everything
but a need for the one thing
selfie, request for affection!
@tastymochafox GOSH you are suuuch a cute otter ^_^ *hugs tight*
@KawaSeadrake HOLYSHIT SIB lets go hunt us some smoke salmon pate piroshky >:3
I gladly give up Cleveland’s food options to horf smoked salmon piroshky piroshky any chance i can possibly get.
mh (~)
And i just hope i do good. I hope with my ancient soul that i leave this place better than when i came. That i genuinely help bring hope and joy…
Just a night i feel heavy and would like to just be rocked and told that i’m a good toy, and that i have done well to bring light to others’ lives.
mh (~)
This has been one of those nights where i feel ancient. Not particularly depressed or wrapped up in the past… but i have been through so much that i honestly feel like i’ve lived lifetimes.
Some days it just weighs heavy and i wonder what i’m doing with my life… what i believe in and fight for… despite the outside world’s complete and heavy hopelessness. I put a lot of stake in the future… that someday things will be better for beings like us. I fight for that
Trauma brain
@Jssra *hugs tight* i can relate all too well…
---
Species: Neoprene Otter (Otterprene)
Gender: Modular/Toy
Pronouns: ve/ver or they/them
Location: Halcyon <-> Seattle
---
Vloelei Saleizhu [ID: HLY-2756-β]
Dreamer of many dreams and realities
Software Developer, Writer, Music Mixer and Producer, Leftist, proponent of morphological freedom, extremely otherkin and plural, and as positive as I can be.
Headmates with @Silverwing
Joined Apr 2017
