s0rd @howlingalice@awoo.space
- pronouns today:
- they/them i guess
The Flock⛦23⛦pronouns vary⛦dnfi under 18
a mess of blackbirds in a trenchcoat all trying to be the same person and variably succeeding.
Joined Oct 2017
orientation/identity struggles
And I just. Really really don't wanna feel straight. And there's not a whole lot of support out there making me feel otherwise.
I know I was more comfortable with it when I thought I was a trans dude, so there's definitely something to that worry.
There's also the "boys r gross and bad" attitude I see in a lot of spaces I frequent and it kinda makes me feel bad about being attracted to them sometimes. Like I get it but it doesn't make me feel great.
orientation/identity struggles
I just feel a lot of pressure bc I identify with women to some extent and I've been pushed so hard by cishet people around me who think I'm a woman and are just foaming at the mouth to push me into a relationship with a man and "prove" I'm really cishet after all. Like, my mother would just looove that and it infuriates me.
So saying I'm not attracted to men despite my being partnered with one is really a rebellion and defense against that, too. :/ Which isn't gr8
orientation/identity struggles
So. I think I'm kind of coming to terms with the fact that yea, Im attracted to *some* men. When specific conditions are met that I can't really determine, outside of being primarily attracted to alterhuman men.
It's really hard for me now bc I've struggled with wondering how much is compulsory het and just. Feeling not "nonbinary enough." Like I'm worried my attraction is straight or perceived as such despite it being literally impossible for me to be straight.
food
i like potatoes and am happy there's been a lot of mashed potato in the house lately
Watching a playthrough of Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster now and honestly how did this game not creep me the hell out and give me nightmares or something? I was 7 and Tim Curry is a really effective Frankenstein and the atmosphere is 👌
s0rd
boosted
i made this silly lefty meme edit yesterday and thought i'd put it up here since i just saw it on my tl
ask @Gaypow, he can corroborate https://awoo.space/media/oxS4hw096cC1W62_SVk
s0rd
boosted
Me and jorts before awoo.space: Meh
Me and jorts after awoo.space: *Bursts through wall* DID SOMEONE SAY JORTS!?!?!?
Besides Nancy Drew ofc, there was Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster, Mummy: Tomb of the Pharaoh, Jack the Ripper (2003), some kinda Dracula game I cant recall the name of, some Scooby Doo games (wow an age-appropriate PC game :V)....I really dug 'em and I'm finding I still really do. A friendo recommended me some kinda X-Files game like that a while ago but it's impossible to find x x
Im really starting to remember how much I(/..we?) liked point-n-click adventure games as a kid.
Nancy Drew livetooting; spoilers for a 15 yo game
me: I got knocked unconscious and woke up in a burning shed with my hands and feet tied!
Red: whoa you're hysterical and not making sense also did you get my bird picture?
Park Ranger: I'm giving you a ticket for burning garbage in the park
The person who will later turn out to have done it to me: Awwwwww here have some tea take care of yourself
Nancy Drew, ....lewd?
playing Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake to take a break from Silent Spy and I'm dying I forgot this dude's name is Red Knott
Kinda wanna make a Nancy Drew blog or somethin now that I've gotten back into the games so hard. There's an active fanbase I never got to connect with when I was younger and only just learned about and it's so exciting :O Clue Crew
food
I didn't know it was possible to make meat this dry in a crockpot.
Medical BF's mom's cooking failures are absolutely astonishing tbh.
In my own life I've used/plan to use body modification (broadly) to deal with the external when I feel that mismatch with the internal. Digitigrade stilts, hair coloring, ear pointing/prosthetics, tattoos, piercings, even my HRT pushing me toward androgyny -- all serve to make me more comfortable with the mismatch on both a personal/physical level and a social level, blurring others' perceptions of me as "human." It's not a full transformation by any means, but every bit helps.
@Oneironott I really appreciate the sharing of resources for alleviating a dysphoria that's sadly either unrecognized or rejected, and hearing others lend support and take it seriously is always incredibly reassuring to me. Thank you.
s0rd
boosted
Hello nonhuman/otherkin/therian/alterhuman/other-term friends!
I care about you a lot! i want to help you feel as good as you can about this life, and help reduce species dysphoria where i can. I see you, and i know how painful it can be.
Someone inquired about different ways yo help aleviate Species Dysphoria, so i threw some on a pastebin for reference.
identity things, alterhumanity
I realize that I've always kept the alterhuman communities at some sort of arm's length away from the truly personal stuff. The things I'm loud n proud about rarely touch the deeper parts of myself, and the more they do, the more anxious I feel about it.
I feel like there's a very specific and shallow image of myself that I've projected to these communities for a long time, and breaking with that in being honestly personal is difficult for me.
identity things, alterhumanity
The more I open up and talk about the parts of my identity I'm still working out, or even just...open up about the personal side of my identities in general, the more vulnerable I feel. The more I want to take it all back, apologize, "sorry, this was silly, I'll just go hide these things again."
I worry how I sound to others, what others are thinking about me when I tell them the things I keep close to my chest in words I worry don't convey well what I feel.
taking painstaking notes I'm not even 100% sure I'll need #JustPointNClickMysteryThings :V
- pronouns today:
- they/them i guess
The Flock⛦23⛦pronouns vary⛦dnfi under 18
a mess of blackbirds in a trenchcoat all trying to be the same person and variably succeeding.
Joined Oct 2017
