Account inactive @literorrery@awoo.space

As someone with multiple advantages -- mental, financial, structural -- I do my best to remain aware of the ways in which those advantages weird the power dynamics around me, but I often fail, and I'm still as fallible as the next person. Often moreso, because those advantages make realizing that I've screwed up that much harder. I'm often insulated from my mistakes in ways others aren't. I'm not "better" than anybody else, but I often pay less for my failures.

This is, incidentally, a big part of why I'm constantly just a little on edge. I read an MLP fanfic once, beautiful work, in which Celestia is trying to have a relationship with Twilight, and Cheerilee confronts Princess Dayflank with the fact that she always acts so removed and distant and it's really annoying. Celestia's response is, "I can never take the tiara off." I've really come to understand that phrase.

This should be required reading: https://emmibe.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/the-conversations-we-cant-have/ (h/t @mattcropp@social.coop for the link)

This is a good take: https://cybre.space/@shel/3595280

All this said, I accept that in many places, state violence demands a response, and that getting the masses to agree the existing government is evil is far easier than getting them to agree on what would be good. I also have no desire to make common cause with people who don't recognize me as human or respect the life I choose to live. As an autistic queer trans pan poly psychedelic mage, I assume I have fewer peers than most, and that informs my rejection of most governments.

I'm not an anarchist; anarchism almost certainly leads to despotism without mutual trust. I just have no faith that any non-hyper-local government won't try to pass propriety laws I won't or can't obey. I'm really a revolutionary parpolitic mutual socialist, but "revolution" has violent connotations I disavow. I support antifa and self-defense, but not initiatory force, even against the state. My revolution rejects the national meta-narrative and social norms that I find toxic.

Kobolds whomst'd've queer.

Can one... be a movie? Be a piece of media? Not a character, but a plot. Not a singular identity, but a movement? Can one identify so strongly with a tale in total that one simply _is_ that narrative, in some symbolic sense? I'm Freder. I'm Maria. I've been Joh and Rotwang and the robot. I think I've even been Georgy at points, and the foreman.

I bond with all.

I feel like I've recovered a small artifact. I'm dancing at Yoshiwara's. I'm running from a madman in the depths of a fever dream. I'm lying in bed hallucinating. I must find Hel.

All she needs is a soul.

Holy shit. I... I found it. It's not on the soundtrack, but it was apparently on a vinyl release at some point.

https://soundcloud.com/djgregbrooks/giorgio-moroder-rotwangs-party

A coworker from a sister team in Builder Tools recognized me on the bus. He lamented my departure as unfortunate and inappropriate. We talked about old projects and he said in two years I could reapply and head back.

He's an SDE 3 now. He was a 1 when I left ahead of fears of being fired. His manager put him on a PIP. Hard not to wonder how things could have gone if I hadn't been under my manager then. Inflection points.

A 501c3 pay-what-you-want fast-service restaurant that trains unemployed people to cook. Funding comes from running classes for people who can afford them and partnering with businesses to take donations in turn for Guilt-Free Pickup coupons for their employees: leave the coupon instead of paying and you can eat knowing your meal is already paid for.

Also, I'm pretty high right now.

tfw you discover a link to one of your blog posts has been immortalized on TVTropes.